


The Happy Monster and The Annoyed Flea

by ZephyrusZ



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, M/M, plot later on, some novel spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-17 04:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 58,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4653195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZephyrusZ/pseuds/ZephyrusZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An annoyed Izaya deals with a happy, drunk Shizuo, who ends up being pulled into a situation by events outside of Izaya's control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

_In which there is a Happy Monster and an Annoyed Flea_

 

 

 

 

 

Yagiri Namie had seen many strange things in her life, especially while working for that bastard Izaya, but what was in front of her eyes took the cake.

"…Is that Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"Iza-yaaaa-kuuuun~"

…Well, that answered her question.

"Shut up!"

Namie watched in amusement as Izaya glared and tried to shove the clingy blond away.

"Do you know how mortifying it was for me?! Everyone was looking! Even Shiki-san looked at me like I was crazy!"

The raven haired man ranted, "He won't let go of me! He even had the gall to  _carry_  me! I had no choice but to make my way home with this  _idiot_  drunk Shizu-chan!"

"Izayaaa~I hate you~" Said idiot drunk Shizu-chan nuzzled into Izaya's neck, smiling, "I hate you so muuuch~"

"I hate you too Shizu-chan so let go of me ALREADY!"

"…He doesn't' look like he hates you." Namie had to say.

"You are  _NOT_ helping, Namie-san!"

"Well," Namie leaned back in amusement as she watched as Izaya twitched as Shizuo nuzzled his neck happily, "How did this happen?"

Izaya sighed and glared at the happy monster nuzzling his neck.

 

"It's all Simon's fault."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**A few hours earlier, in Ikebukuro**

Izaya hummed as he skipped happily towards Russia Sushi with a suitcase in his hand. Simon was in front calling out to people as usual, and he turned as Izaya approached.

"Ah, Izaya! Ootoro today, yes?"

"Ah not today, Simon," Izaya waved his hand with a smile, "I'm just here on some business."

Simon nodded, and turned his head, "Ah, Shi-zu-o! Feeling better, no?"

Ah shit. Izaya prepared to reach for his knife and his feet prepared to dash away, until they froze to the spot when he caught sight of Shizuo.

Shizuo was smiling.

Shizu-chan was smiling. At him.

The sight was so unexpected that Izaya froze as Shizuo stumbled towards him. He soon recovered, and smirked tauntingly, "Hey Shizu-chan, that expression doesn't suit your face! A monster like you should-oof!"

When Izaya had regained his bearings, he realized that Shizuo was behind him with his arms around his middle.

"…Eh?"

"Izayaaaaa-kun~ didn't I tell you not to come to Ikebukuro~!"

"Of course you did Shizu-chan-"

Izaya let out a gasp as the monster of Ikebukuro nuzzled his neck. He turned his head, staring incredulously.

"Shizu-chan…what are you doing?"

"Hugging you, Izaya-kun~!"

Izaya stared at Shizuo's happy expression and flushed cheeks, and twitched.

"…Shizu-chan you're drunk aren't you?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Mmmm…"

Shizuo continued nuzzling his neck like it was his favourite sweet.

"…I thought Shizu-chan didn't drink alcohol?"

"Izayaaa-kun~I hateee youuu~"

The frustratingly unpredictable protozoan merely smiled wider and nuzzled his neck more.

Izaya was speechless for a while, his arms slack, until he managed to get his vocal cords working again.

"I hate you too, Shizu-chan, so…" he managed a smirk and swept a hand as best as he could from his position. "Won't you let me go?"

"Nooooo~" Shizuo replied far too happy for the angry monster he knew, "I finally have the fleaaaaaaa in my grasp, I'm not letting you goooo~"

"…Shizu-chan, really…" Izaya sighed and turned to Simon.

"Simon…a little help here?"

"Help?"

"Yeah. Would you be so kind as to get this…clingy protozoan off me?"

"But this good!" Izaya stared as Simon grinned widely. He nodded in satisfaction. "Shi-zuo and Izaya no fight! Shizu-o happy and no violent! No violence is good! Violence and fighting bad!"

"Simon-"

"Izaya and Shizuo now good friends! Ikebukuro now peaceful!" Izaya twitched, "Fighting bad! But peace good!"

"Peace~~~" Shizuo echoed drunkenly as he smiled and clung to Izaya.

Simon's smile widened. "Yes, peace." He gave a thumbs up. "Shizu-o drunk good."

"Simon," Izaya deadpanned. "Please don't tell me you did this on purpose."

"I? Purpose? My purpose is no fighting for you two," Simon waved his huge hands.

"Shizu-o drunk suits this purpose. Good that Shizuo came to Russia Sushi and drink sake!"

"Why did you give him sake?"

"Hm? Shizu-o sad. Sad men drown sorrows in sake. It Japanese custom, yes?"

"…He must have drunk a lot of sake."

Simon nodded. "Shizu-o very sad! He drown huge sadness in sake!"

"I think you mean angry," Izaya sighed as he glanced at the smiling Shizuo.

"So this is why he's happy now?"

"Happy Shizuo good! Happy Shizuo is no violent! No violence good! Happy Shizuo is peaceful!"

"I am not at peace." Izaya saw fit to point out.

"Ah but happy Shizuo and Izaya is peaceful!" Simon smiled. "This good opportunity for you to make friends! Very good!"

"I do not want to be friends with this protozoan!" Izaya jabbed a finger at Shizuo.

Shizuo merely smiled and hugged him tighter, "Izayaaa~" he slurred. "Flea small…body small…but nice to hug…"

Izaya stared at him incredulously. "Simon," he said weakly, "This is not being friends. Shizu-chan is harassing me!"

"No, Shizu-o no harassment! Shizu-o only want to be Izaya friend!"

"Simon-"

Izaya was cut off by the sound of his ringtone. He grimaced and slipped his hand into his jacket to take his phone out, and answered the call quickly.

"Orihara Izaya here. Yes, Shiki-san. Ah yes I have the items you require. I apologize, I was unfortunately sidetracked- wah! Stop it you damn protozoan!"

"Orihara-san?" Shiki said with slight surprise.

"S-Shiki-san," Izaya spoke, eyebrow twitching as he glared at Shizuo, who dared to blink at him innocently.

"I apologize, I was not addressing you. A certain unpredictable monster saw fit to…impede me and delay my journey. I'll be coming over right now." He nodded. "Yes. I'll see you soon."

Izaya locked his phone and slid it back into his pocket. He glared at Shizuo.

"Really, Shizu-chan. I have to meet a very important client. So unhand me this instant, will you?"

He grumbled as he rubbed the bruised spot on his neck. Damn monster, sinking his teeth in like that…what the hell was he? Food? Some disgusting sugary sweet?

"Who?" Shizuo asked.

"A very important client." Izaya repeated with emphasis. He smirked, "So let me go, alright?"

Shizuo seemed to think for a while, before he smiled and shook his head, "Noooo…" he mumbled, lowering his nose back into Izaya's neck. "I…Izaya…go."

"Huh?"

Izaya said. Oh great now the protozoan wasn't even capable of basic Japanese grammar.

"I go with Izaya…"

Shizuo said cheerfully, brown eyes sparkling in a very annoying way.

"Not leaving the fleaaaa…"

 

 

"...Shizu-chan."

Izaya spoke slowly, as if doing so would let the words register in Shizuo's brain -

"I am not walking through Ikebukuro with you like this."

"Whhhyy?" Shizuo drawled.

"We are enemies, remember? Shizu-chan hates me and I hate Shizu-chan. We try to kill each other."

Izaya gave the most taunting smirk he could muster.

"Right…Shizu-chan?"

"Kill…flea."

"Yeah!" Izaya couldn't hold back his relief. "You want to kill me, Shizu-chan. Not hug me."

"Kill…"

Shizuo murmured. He blinked again and then dashed Izaya's hopes by smiling and tightening his grip around Izaya's waist.

"Flea is mine to kill…but flea is nice to hug… so today no killing flea…no want to hug dead body…"

Izaya deflated. "Please kill me." He deadpanned.

"No killing flea~" Shizuo said happily.

"No killing good!" Simon beamed.

Izaya felt as if the whole world was against him. He let out a heavy sigh. "Shizu-chan," he said almost pleadingly, "I can't walk with you like this! At least get off, will you? You're heavy!"

To Izaya's horror, Shizuo pouted at him. "But I don't want to let flea gooooo…" his brown eyes unhidden by his sunglasses blinked. "Flea nice to hold…"

"But I can't move like this!" Izaya protested, glowering as he struggled in Shizuo's arms.

The monster didn't budge. Damn monster and his unbeatable strength!

"Seriously, Shizu-chan!"

"Hmmm…" Shizuo seemed to be pondering. He blinked, then smiled, "I carry Izaya."

"Huh-wah!"

Before Izaya could process the new incredulous statement, he found himself in Shizuo's arms with the blond grinning at him. "Problem solved, Izayaaa-kun!"

"The problem is not solved because the problem is you, you stupid protozoan brain!" Izaya thrashed in Shizuo's arms, "So just let go of me damn it!"

"Don't want to let go…" Shizuo murmured and started forward as people began to stare at them. "Client…whereee?"

Izaya glared and whipped a knife out and stabbed it into Shizuo's shoulder.

There was a silence as people looked at them and Izaya smirked. Shizuo blinked, and continued moving forward.

Izaya stared. "Shizu-chan?"

"Hmmm?"

"I just stabbed you, you know?"

"Ahhh…" Shizuo blinked at the knife in his shoulder. He looked down at Izaya, then shrugged and leaned his head to the side, taking the knife in his mouth and pulling it out.

Izaya gaped as Shizuo broke the knife with his teeth with a toothy grin as the broken knife fell onto the ground.

"Izayaaaa-kun is as weaaak as usual~" He drawled.

Izaya stared helplessly as people around them began to whisper. He caught a black motorcycle with a certain headless rider speeding away out of the corner of his eye and grimaced.

\- Why are you going away?! Come and make this stupid protozoan let go of me damn it!

"Kyaaaa! Dotachin, Dotachin! Look!"

"W-What-"

"I know, right! It's Shizu-Shizu and Izayaaaaan! Shizu-Shizu is carrying Izayan bridal style! Like a princess! Kyaaaa! I KNEW IT!"

"I-Impossible…"

"Shizu-Shizu is smiling! Kyaa! He's happy he finally got Izayaaaan! I CAN DIE HAPPY NOWWW~!"

"…Has Shizuo finally snapped?"

"Hey isn't that Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"And that's Orihara Izaya isn't it?!"

"But it can't be! Heiwajima Shizuo is carrying him and not killing him!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo isn't angry?!"

"Orihara Izaya looks angry! He stabbed Heiwajima Shizuo just now!"

"But he broke the knife with his teeth!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo is smiling! He looks happy with him!"

"…Nakura-san?"

"I-Is that Izaya-san?"

"…Orihara Izaya."

"What's going on?!"

 

If Izaya had been any other person he would have cried in despair and buried his face in Shizuo's shoulder. But since he was Orihara Izaya, he forced a smirk onto his face and looked confidently forward while melting in despair inwardly.

"…Fine then. Onward, Shizu-chan. I've kept Shiki-san waiting for long enough."

"Yesss Izayaaa~"

 

 

And as the monster moved forward with the information broker in his arms, Izaya swore that if this ruined his reputation even after he dealt with it, he would find some way to give Heiwajima Shizuo lifetime imprisonment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is complete with a timeline. I wanted to try posting it here haha. I'll try to post a chapter every day or two.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

_In which there is a Monster who Owns the Flea, An Amused Awakusu-kai, And Aliens_

 

 

 

 

 **Evening, somewhere in Ikebukuro**  

 

"What a…dependable bodyguard you have there, Orihara-san."

 

Shiki sounded bemused at him in a way Izaya had never heard him before.

Izaya didn't know if he preferred Shiki's previous display of surprise that said clearly he thought Izaya had finally cracked in the head.

Ignoring Shizuo's growls, Izaya forced a smile onto his face, relieved that he had managed to convince Shizuo to let him down before he met with Shiki.

However, his relief was doused when Shizuo growled and arms wrapped around his waist.

"Mine." The monster snarled.

Shiki raised an eyebrow, and Izaya said, "Pardon me, Shiki-san."

He gave a sigh, trying not to let his eyebrow twitch.

"I seem to have acquired…some unwanted luggage."

"Flea is mine." Said unwanted luggage declared.

"I would not dream of taking anything away from you, Heiwajima Shizuo." Shiki said smoothly. There was an amused quirk to his lips.

"And while Orihara-san is our information broker, I am sure you do have your…reasons for your claim."

"Good." Shizuo stated in an almost stable voice, then promptly tucked Izaya's head under his chin, brown eyes flashing at anyone who so much dared to look at Izaya.

_"What?"_

The men exchanged wary glances with each other, then slowly backed away. Out of character, drunk or not, no one wanted to cross Heiwajima Shizuo.

 

"I…apologize for his drunken behaviour."

Izaya managed with a smirk. His eyebrow was twitching.

"That explains it."

Shiki said, but still looked undoubtedly amused. As amused as the red haired man beside him, who did not even try to hide his amusement as he let loose a series of snickers, which eventually evolved into guffaws.

"Ha...ha ha ha! Aww, why so grumpy, Orihara? You have free bodyguard service! From Heiwajima Shizuo, no less." The Red Demon of the Awakusu-kai said tauntingly, "Shouldn't you be grateful?"

"I don't need a bodyguard. Akabayashi-san."

Izaya said tersely, resisting the urge to glare at Akabayashi. Instead, he looked as Shiki cleared his throat, then spoke.

"Getting back to matters…"

"Of course." Izaya said. "Shizu-chan, if you would let go for a moment?"

Shizuo made a grumbling noise when Izaya emphasized his words by jabbing his elbow into Shizuo's chest, but released Izaya. His eyes on Shiki and Akabayashi were sharp, almost as if he were sober.

"Flea is mine." He said again, causing the amusement in both men's eyes to increase.

"No need to glare, Heiwajima Shizuo. I never said 'flea' was mine."

"Hah?! FLEA YOURS?! FLEA  **MINE**!"

"Woah...calm down!"

Akabayashi held out his hands, secretly relieved there was nothing around in the desolated area for the monster of Ikebukuro to throw at him. Shizuo didn't look happy at his words at all and he didn't want a vending machine or signpost to his face.

Actually, he didn't want an angry Heiwajima Shizuo at all since everyone knew the monster of Ikebukuro didn't need weapons, his mere fist alone could send you flying into the air and crashing with broken bones.

Thus Akabayashi thought it was in his best interest to say his next words -

"'Flea' is  _not_  mine! Flea yours!"

 

 

Izaya was conveniently ignoring the wayward conversation between the two adult men who seemed as if they were children arguing over ownership of a toy.

Not that he was a toy, and especially not for that monster. The monster was his toy, damn it. To play with when he got bored.

But every toy broke down eventually, Izaya just wondered why Shizuo's brain had to break in front of the Awakusu-kai.

 

"...Flea mine."

Shizuo seemed satisfied at Akabayashi's answer as he leaned back and had he been sober, he would have been smoking a cigarette. His sharp gaze turned to Shiki.

Shiki cocked an eyebrow, but eventually answered, to Izaya's dismay.

"Right, Heiwajima Shizuo. 'Flea yours'." Shizuo glared at him and he added with further amusement.

"Not mine. So, there's no need to harm either of us, we pose no threat to your ownership over the flea."

 

 

"….."

Izaya felt as if he could cry. Shiki had referred to him as a flea. The flea. And Shiki had just spoken in broken Japanese. _Shiki._  Even if he had just been quoting the monster.

What next? Him speaking in broken Japanese?

"Shiki shiki shiki..." Shizuo muttered resentfully as he glowered at Shiki.

"Flea no pay attention to me, he pay attention to you. But flea still mine."

Shizuo declared with a look in his eyes that told even a man like Shiki he would be badly hurt if he didn't agree.

So he agreed, even if Heiwajima Shizuo was drunk, Shiki was a smart man who knew neither him nor Akabayashi wanted the strongest man in Ikebukuro as an enemy. Especially not over such a conflict that wasn't even supposed to exist.

"Yes. Yours." Shiki said smoothly, then turned to Izaya who looked defeated at  _Shiki_  giving him over to Shizuo.

"Fl-" Shiki coughed, then said, "Orihara."

"…."

Izaya glared at Shizuo for because of the monster, Shiki had almost,  _almost_ called him a flea. Shiki. Shiki. Shiki...

His brain didn't seem to be able to compute the unbelievable fact. So he didn't compute it at all, instead choosing to move forward and hand the suitcase in his hand over to Shiki.

"...Pleasure doing business with you, Shiki-san. I do apologize for the delay."

"It's understandable." Shiki said. He handed the suitcase to the red haired man beside him, who proceeded to check the contents.

"Everything is present, Shiki no danna."

"Right." Shiki said. He gave a nod, then a dismissive wave of his hand.

"I'll transfer the money over to your account, Orihara."

The dismissive wave matched the amused glint in his eyes as Shizuo growled with every word he spoke -

 

 

"In the meantime, I'm sure you'll make your way safely home with that reliable bodyguard of yours."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  **An hour later**

 

Izaya had taken a taxi home – there was no way he was going to take the train back to Shinjuku with everyone staring at him and the monster wrapped around him like a clingy leech.

His dignity had already been damaged enough, thank you very much.

Had he not managed to retain a serious, business demeanour, the two executives of the Awakusu-kai (and even their underlings) would have lost all respect for him.

Unfortunately for Izaya, Shizuo was a monster and the alcohol in his bloodstream did not knock him out on the road, and Izaya's hope that a vehicle – vehicles would run over an unconscious Shizuo enough times to kill a monster, was dashed.

The monster was still very much conscious well into the night.

Thankfully, Shizuo had let go long enough for him to get into the taxi. But before Izaya could shut the door on him, he had accompanied Izaya into the taxi, which Izaya resignedly accepted.

After all, if he hadn't, Shizuo would force his way in and destroy the door in the process, leading to Izaya having to pay money for the monster's damage.

Monsters would always be monsters.

 

And so Izaya told himself enduring half strange half freaked out looks from the driver in the rear view mirror was better than enduring those looks from everyone in the train to Shinjuku –

As Shizuo leaned against him and nuzzled against his shoulder and sent glares at the driver whenever he turned to look at Izaya, which freaked him out even more.

"Flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine..."

The monster muttered against his neck in an alien-like mantra.

"Not Shiki. Flea no belong to Shiki. Flea no belong to other. Flea mine. Flea mine. My flea. My flea. My flea."

"Mine..."

 

"…"

Izaya thought silently that Shizuo was worse than those human males he had seen who were possessive over their girlfriends –

And that he was for once not amused at a display of possessiveness, not when the victim was him.

Yes, he was, for once, a victim –

"I'm not yours."

Izaya muttered to himself at Shizuo's behaviour and muttered thoughts which were alien to him. But Shizuo seemed to hear him and his face was turned.

"...Flea not mine?"

The blond sounded so downcast as if his heart had been trampled on and broken in his eyes.

"..."

Izaya averted his gaze, saying nothing.

"Flea..."

"...Yours."

He could practically hear the beam lighting up Shizuo's eyes as he lowered his face and nuzzled Izaya's neck again.

"Yes ~ Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine My Flea ~"

 _"Not."_  Izaya muttered under his breath, but Shizuo didn't seem to hear him this time. The drunk monster was happy again, and Izaya didn't know if he preferred a possessive, grumpy monster over a happy one.

Though if he had a choice, he preferred  _no_ monster at all.

But unfortunately for the information broker who always had control over the situation unless the monster was involved, he didn't.

"What did I do to deserve this?"

Izaya had spoken aloud. The drunk, murmuring monster seemed to hear him and stopped his nuzzling for a moment.

"I….zaya…."

And with those words, the nuzzling stopped for the rest of the ride.

 

And with the expression of horror on the driver's face as Izaya found his head tucked under the monster's chin for the second time in the day –

As Shizuo sent a scathing glare to the driver who looked as if he was about to piss in his pants –

"YOU STARE AT FLEA ALL WHILE, YOU THINK FLEA YOURS?!"

"NO! I DO NOT THINK FLEA IS MINE! ABSOLUTELY NOT! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

\- Izaya thought he would be lucky to survive the ride.

Both figuratively and literally.

"FLEA IS MINE!"

"YES! FLEA IS YOURS! ALL YOURS!"

 "…...."

 

First Akabayashi, then Shiki, then a few of the Awakusu-kai men and some random people along the street -

And now the taxi driver -

Izaya wished in his resentful heart that his humans would stop giving him to Heiwajima Shizuo without his permission.

 

 

 

 

**In an apartment on Kawagoe Highway**

 

[Shinra! There's trouble!]

Shinra could practically hear those words shouted to him when Celty burst into their home.

"What happened, Celty?"

[Aliens…..!]

"Aliens?"

Shinra asked in bemusement, trying not to show his amusement as his love seemed truly scared, her shoulders trembling.

[YES! ALIENS! SHIZUO'S BEEN REPLACED BY AN ALIEN!]

"?! Shizuo?!"

Shinra thought for a while on this, before he soon brushed the possibility away with a casual laugh –

"Surely not! Celty, you of all people should know how strong Shizuo is! Even if aliens came to earth, he would send them flying back to space!" Shinra said cheerfully as he laid a comforting hand on Celty's shoulder. "Why did you say that anyway?"

[Izaya….]

"Izaya told you? Celty love, you should know not to believe anything Izaya says! That guy's a pathological liar."

[No! I saw Shizuo with Izaya! And he was happy! He was smiling! And he was carrying Izaya in his arms!]

Shinra's mouth fell open for a moment, "Seriously?"

Celty nodded her helmet vigorously. Shinra blinked, then scratched his head.

"Alright, I can see why you're freaked out, hell I'd be freaked out too! But that doesn't mean aliens have invaded the earth, Celty! So you don't have to worry!"

[Really…?]

"Yup!"

[Why is Shizuo then….?]

"I have no idea." Shinra shrugged. He mused for a bit, then grinned in amusement, "Who knows, maybe Izaya got him drunk! Or hypnotized him –"

[Hypnotize?]

"Uhuh. It's a method to get someone into a trance and make them do everything you say –"

Shinra trailed off, his mouth salivating slightly at the prospect of using hypnotism to get Celty to do not so innocent things with him –

"Celty would you –ow!"

[No! You pervert!}

Celty exploded at him, smoke leaking from her helmet in embarrassment.

Shinra pouted but Celty didn't relent. He sighed.

"Well it was worth a try…."

He waved a hand, "Anyway, about Shizuo….I'm sure he's fine! You said he was happy, so I don't think Izaya hypnotized him. Izaya wouldn't want him to be happy, right?"

[That's true….could he be drunk then?]

"Probably." Shinra was amused at that thought. "Or maybe it's love!"

He received another slap on the head for his efforts and he winced in pain, "I was just joking….!"

[Even so, don't say that! I don't want to imagine it!]

"Okay okay!" Shinra held up his hands in peace. He grinned, "In all seriousness though, how was Izaya's reaction?"

[Izaya?]

 

Celty seemed to think for a while, before she flashed her PDA again. Shinra noticed she was much more calm now that she was convinced Shizuo hadn't been abducted by aliens.

Had Shinra's love for Celty been any less than what it was, it would have made him jealous.

However it wasn't, in fact it was growing even more at the realization that his love had such a big heart – and how lucky he was to have her.

It was moments like these that he realized he truly loved her.

The thought brought a genuine smile to Shinra's face.

[Well to be honest…..he didn't look happy. Maybe he didn't do it?]

Shinra chuckled. "Then he probably didn't." He was outright grinning now, and Celty was slightly surprised to see such an expression on Shinra's face. "I can't believe I'm saying this but –"

Celty tilted her helmet at him questioningly and Shinra smiled widely as he thought of the amusing situation –

 

"I kind of want to see his reaction."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments! I'm glad you guys liked the picture xD


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

 

 

  

 

_In which there is to be No Nuzzling, Namie Laughing and Couch Sleeping_

 

 

 

 

**Current time, an apartment in Shinjuku**

 

"So that's what happened."

"Yes that's what happened, story's over – and yet the brute of this story is still here."

Izaya said scathingly, glaring at Shizuo who was still nuzzling his neck.

It made him miss the time he had dubbed 'non-nuzzling time' in the taxi.

Izaya was tempted to say such to Shizuo, and would have, had he not considered the brute's intelligence to be even below a dog who could comprehend commands.

"Non-nuzzling time?"

It was Namie's voice and she definitely sounded amused which made Izaya want to deduct her pay – and deduct her pay he would.

Izaya shut his mouth and pretended he hadn't said his thoughts out loud, until Shizuo spoke.

"No….nuzzling?"

Izaya stared, before he decided to make use of the opportunity –

"That's right. No nuzzling, you big brute."

"Whhyyy?"

"Because I don't like it." Izaya pronounced.

"Don't like?"

"Yes. Don't. Like. Nuzzling."

Izaya said even more slowly, now convinced a drunk Shizuo had his neurons' comprehension ability at the level they were meant to be – basic and primal and Neanderthal.

"Izaya don't like nuzzling?"

"….Yeah. Izaya don't like nuzzling – shut up, Namie."

Namie was letting out very unladylike snorts of laughter, that had Izaya's eyebrow twitching even as he said the words that made him feel his IQ had dropped significantly.

"Izaya don't like nuzzling….."

Shizuo said slowly, as if trying to comprehend his own words.

Then he blinked and said:

"Izaya?"

"What?"

"What's nuzzling?"

"Haha….hahahahaha!"

"Namie!" Izaya shouted in frustration to his secretary's unrestrained laughter.

"Nuzzling is what you have been doing all this while, you brute!" He jabbed a finger at Shizuo's chest, yelling, "To my neck!"

"Neck….." Shizuo said, then promptly lowered his nose and nuzzled Izaya's neck, earning an indignant squawk from the information broker.

"Shizuo!"

 

Shizuo blinked. He removed his nose then sniffed the air, looking around for this 'Shizuo'.

"Shizuo?"

"Yeah?"

Izaya said as Shizuo looked puzzled.

"…..What's a Shizuo?"

"OhgodwhatdidIeverdotodeserve this." Izaya muttered lowly. "You, you brute, you're Shizuo! Shizuo!"

"….But I thought I was Shizu-chan."

Izaya face palmed. He honestly didn't know what to say.

"Aww how sweet," Namie drawled, an amused smirk on her face, "He remembers your precious nickname for him."

"And not his own name." Izaya stated, deadpan. He sighed, then tried again –

"Look Shizu-Shizu- _chan_. No Nuzzling. No. Nuzzling."

"No nuzzling." Shizuo repeated and Izaya nodded.

"Nuzzling….neck? No touching Izaya's neck?"

"Yes. No touching my neck!"

"..My?"

"….No touching Izaya's neck." Izaya said, conveniently ignoring Namie and hoping she would choke on her own laughter.

"…..Ok."

Shizuo said, looking so downtrodden with sad eyes like a kicked puppy that Izaya almost,  _almost_ felt a twinge of guilt.

That was until Shizuo leaned forward and planted his lips on his.

 

 

"…."

"….?!"

 

Izaya shoved the blond away, glaring incredulously. Namie's laughter had suddenly stopped. Her mouth was open in shock.

"W-What you-!"

Shizuo leaned forward as if to kiss him again, but Izaya reached his hands out to stop him in his tracks.

"You retarded protozoan! Just what the hell -!"

"No nuzzling. Kissing."

"No nuzzling but no kissing either! Did he just do that – he just did that didn't he?!"

Izaya seemed to be yelling his thoughts out loud, and Namie recovered enough to give an amused smirk at her boss's flustered state.

"Yes I believe he did."

"Don't just stand there, Namie! Help me! Before he kisses me again!"

Namie stood resolutely, until Izaya glared at her. She sighed, rolled her eyes then stood in between Shizuo and Izaya.

Shizuo stopped. He looked at her for a moment. Namie stared back at him.

 

"….You. Not flea. Not Izaya."

"Yeah, I'm not Izaya. Izaya is currently hiding behind my back because he's afraid you'll kiss him again."

"…Izaya afraid?"

Namie blinked. The renowned strongest man of Ikebukuro suddenly looked like a kicked puppy.

"Izaya never afraid…."

Namie looked back at Izaya, who was pretending he wasn't involved in the situation at all. She rolled her eyes again, then turned to face the man in a bartender suit.

"Yes Izaya afraid….of kissing."

A smirk curled Namie's lips as she caught Izaya's scowl out of the corner of her eye.

"Izaya's not afraid of you,  _Shizu-chan_. He's afraid of kissing."

"Namie."

Izaya hissed and Namie's smirk widened.

"Izaya afraid of kissing….."

Shizuo said. He blinked twice, then nodded his head as if in comprehension.

"Ok….no kissing. No kissing Izaya."

Izaya left out a soft sigh of relief at that, and Shizuo continued on.

"But, want touch. Izaya. Want hug flea…"

As he spoke, Shizuo gave Namie such a pleading look that Namie felt as if she would be worse than the kind of bastard Izaya was if she denied the blond man's silent plea.

 

"…..Ok. You can hug flea."

 

"Namie!"

Izaya cried out indignantly as Namie spoke blandly, then moved aside, leaving him to the monster's hazy, happy gaze.

 

"I-za-ya~!"

Shizuo exclaimed happily and Izaya deflated when the monster rushed forward and pulled him close into a squishy hug, nuzzling his neck in contentment.

 

"…Shizu-chan?"

"Flea?"

"Didn't I say No Nuzzling?"

"….Oh." Shizuo said. He removed his nose from Izaya's neck but still looked very happy.

 

 

"Iiiizaaaaayaaaaaaaaaaa~"

The blond in a bartender suit slurred into the black haired man's neck which he rested on happily -

As Izaya dragged his feet to deposit his coat, until he realized he had an extra 'coat' of a monster wrapped around him.

Izaya sighed, certain the whole world was indeed against him. 

Perhaps this was karma for being a horrible person.

"I don't suppose you could let me go so I can remove my coat?"

"'Zaaayaaaaaaaaaa~"

Izaya sighed again and got to the hassle of removing his coat with the drunk monster wrapped around him, as Namie looked on with unhidden amusement.

"You're enjoying this aren't you, Namie."

"Immensely."

Namie said, for once glad she had to stay overtime so she could see the look of hopeless exasperation on Izaya's face, especially as Izaya sent her a dark look.

"Shizu-chan." Izaya said once he somehow had his coat in his hand.

"Zaaaaaaaaa~?"

"Why is my name getting shorter and shorter? Anyway, at least give me a minute to put away my coat, will you?"

"Yaaaaaa~"

"Yeah, that's right, just the last syllable, you're getting closer."

"Aaa?"

"Fantastic. You just said yes. I know you're a protozoic brain, but I'm sure you can comprehend at least one syllable, even if you're drunk."

"Ahhhhh...."

"Right. So -hey!"

Shizuo had taken Izaya's coat from him. He slung it over his back, then sniffed the fur -

And then flung it away, as Izaya stared as it miraculously landed on the coat rack some distance away.

"Don't want fuuurrrr...want fleaaaa....fleaaaa fluuuffffy..."

The blond murmured as he buried his nose in Izaya's hair this time and Izaya fought to close his mouth.

"He has surprisingly good aim." Namie said what he couldn't say, a smirk on her lips.

It was then that Izaya realized he could have just asked for her assistance and he sent a glare at her, which she raised an eyebrow to -

Before he remembered why he had the monster hugging him a second time -

 

"…Speaking of which, what did you mean by _'You can hug flea'_...Namie?"

Izaya said in a threatening manner to his secretary, but it wasn't convincing with a head of fluffy blond hair buried in his no longer neat black hair, from which incomprehensible, happy murmurs emerged.

Namie returned his annoyed glare with a look of amusement.

"Well I think it's cute. He likes you so much. He's like an overgrown puppy. He's so attached to you. Surely even you don't have the heart to deny him?"

Embarrassment and anger rose to Izaya's cheeks in red. He said nothing, and Namie almost looked like she was grinning.

"Besides, who am I to get in the way of the strongest man of Ikebukuro? I don't have a death wish, unlike you."

"Shut up."

 

"I-iiizaaaa-yaaaa…."

Shizuo hugged Izaya with a delighted look in his eyes. He shifted his gaze.

"You….name?"

 

"….Me?"

Namie said, surprised the drunk man could even speak coherently. Shizuo removed his nose from Izaya's hair and nodded.

"Namie. Yagiri Namie." She said, curious as to why Shizuo wanted to know her name.

"Na….mie…." Shizuo murmured. He smiled brightly at her.

"Namie let me hug flea…..thanks."

 

There was a surprised silence, as despite his simple words, Shizuo sounded sincere and his voice almost stable.

"….No problem." Namie said with a half smile and half smirk. "Flea is all yours."

"Yes. Flea mine~"

"Flea is not yours!" Izaya protested, struggling in Shizuo's arms. "Don't teach this brute the wrong things, Namie!"

Namie ignored him. "Would you like me to leave?"

"Leave?"

"Yeah. Leave you and Izaya alone."

"Namie I swear, I will deduct your pay more than I already have – mpf!"

"Flea noisy."

Shizuo muttered, his hand over a glaring Izaya's mouth. He looked back towards Namie then nodded like the mature adult he was supposed to be –

"Will appreciate. Want to be alone with flea."

"Mpf—N-Namie!"

Shizuo let out a low growl at this, tightening his grip on Izaya.

"Flea. Shizu-chan. Not Namie."

"Then, I'm leaving." Namie said, smirking at Izaya's stunned expression.

 

Izaya stared until the door closed behind Namie, and Shizuo spoke.

"Namie nice. Give me flea. Flea mine. Alone."

"…."

Izaya's arms went slack.

"Flea?"

"What?"

"…..Flea don't like me?"

"Huh? Of course I don't like –"

Shizuo stared at him with huge brown eyes and Izaya stopped short.

"Flea want Namie? Don't want me?"

"….No I don't want Namie, but I don't want you either!"

Shizuo blinked, but then smiled radiantly and hugged Izaya closer.

"Nevermind. Flea still mine. Izaya want no one, I want Izaya. So Izaya mine."

"….I do not get your logic at all. Wait what am I saying, you're not even capable of logic."

Izaya said tiredly. The apartment now only had him and Shizuo, he had the monster in his apartment.

A monster who refused to let him go, much less go away.

 

He felt suddenly exhausted. Deciding he might as well take advantage of the situation, Izaya tried another tactic.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Yes Izaya?"

"Let me go?"

Shizuo blinked, so Izaya added.

"Please?"

"But….you go away…."

"No I won't go away. This is my apartment Shizu-chan, where would I go? Since you refuse to leave…"

Izaya muttered but the words seemed to have their desired effect.

"Izaya won't go away?" Izaya shook his head. "Izaya won't go away."

 

And with those words, the monster finally released him and Izaya was so relieved he could jump for joy, if he hadn't felt so exhausted then.

\- What to do with a monster in my apartment….

Izaya sighed and walked up the stairs in the direction of his bedroom. When he realized Shizuo was following, he spoke tersely.

"….Shizu-chan? I want to sleep."

"Sleep? I sleep with flea –"

"No you don't sleep with me!"

"But –"

"No buts Shizu-chan! No. Sleeping. With. Me."

Shizuo looked hurt at the rejection, but Izaya continued mercilessly on as he flung the door open.

"If you're going to stay, there's no way I'm letting a monster into my bedroom! You sleep on the couch!"

He emphasized with a jab of his index finger in the direction of the couches downstairs, eyes flashing in frustration.

\- I swear, if he doesn't listen –

"Ok."

\- I'll – what?

"What?"

"Izaya want me to sleep on couch." Shizuo said simply. "So I sleep on couch."

 

 

Izaya stared as the monster lumbered towards him. He flinched as Shizuo lowered his head and raised his hand –

\- Is he going to hit me?

The hand brushed his black locks away, and lips met his forehead in a clumsy but affectionate kiss.

Izaya's eyes widened when Shizuo withdrew, then smiled sleepily.

"Goodnight. Izaya."

"….."

 

Izaya turned, marched into his bedroom and slammed the door.

He leaned against it with the back of his head to the wood as he heard Shizuo's voice from the other side.

"Izaya?"

"Goodnight!"

Izaya yelled. Shizuo seemed to get the point for his sharp ears caught the sound of footsteps going away.

 

 

Izaya sighed, and covered his warm face with his hand, his fingertips touching his forehead marked by Shizuo's kiss.

 

"What the hell is happening to me…."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'aa' (ああ）is one of the Japanese words for 'Yes' xD Though it's more colloquial in a 'Yeah' way I think.
> 
> We're almost to the turning point~I swear there's a plot to this! XD


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

_In which the Flea is Warm and Cold_

 

 

 

 

There was nothing wrong.

 

He, the master of the house, was in the bedroom and outside there was a dog-like monster dozing off on the couch with surprisingly no loud snores.

So there were no monster snores keeping him awake.

So why was he awake?

Izaya tossed and turned. He had laid in bed for at least half an hour, and he couldn't get to sleep.

His eyes were starting to hurt, being denied their shut eye. Izaya stared tiredly at the sheets, then forced himself up from the bed.

"He even ruins my sleep….."

Izaya muttered resentfully as he walked towards the door, opening it and walking to the ledge.

 

The bright light stung his eyes. Sure enough, the blond in a bartender suit was sleeping on the couch peacefully.

\- Maybe the couch is better to sleep on tonight.

Izaya thought blearily, almost sleep walking as he walked down the stairs and turned off the lights so that the living room was engulfed in darkness. But the apartment was familiar to him and he found his way easily enough to the couches.

He collapsed onto a couch separate from Shizuo's, and closed his eyes.

And waited.

And waited.

But sleep still didn't come to him.

 

"…."

Izaya was ready to strangle someone. He was exhausted and needed his sleep and he had an appointment in the morning –

He shot up from the couch, scowling deeply.

"Why the hell can't I sleep?!"

He shouted when there was no one but him to see him cranky and losing control from sleep deprivation.

"I….za….ya…."

The deep rumble came from the monster of Ikebukuro on his living room couch. Izaya started, whipping his head to the side –

But Shizuo was still asleep. He was sleeping on his back, his expression peaceful and serene.

Izaya was envious of that peace and serenity in sleep. He couldn't sleep, and the monster who was the cause was sleeping so peacefully?

It screamed injustice to the exhausted male.

\- Oh who knows maybe that couch is conducive for sleep.

Izaya thought illogically, for there should be no difference between the two identical looking couches. He staggered over to the couch Shizuo laid on, and tried to pull the monster off –

"Get off, you brute! This is my couch!"

Izaya hissed in the darkness, glaring. But Shizuo only mumbled some more then lazily reached an arm out to pull Izaya to him.

"H-Hey! What are you doing!? Let go!"

"Shut up flea."

 

 

"….!"

Izaya stilled, but when he looked, Shizuo's eyes were still closed. He seemed to be talking in his sleep.

\- Shizu-chan sleep talks?

Shizuo muttered something incoherent and then Izaya was on the couch. Or more specifically, on the couch trapped in Shizuo's arms. The blond in a bartender suit had shifted his sleeping position as if to make space for Izaya.

Izaya froze when he realized he was trapped in Shizuo's arms. But the monster just tucked his head under his chin as he hugged the black haired man to his body, muttering something unintelligible, resting his nose in Izaya's hair and thankfully to the information broker, not nuzzling it.

\- ….Oh what the hell.

Izaya thought with a sense of defeat. He swallowed, then moved himself closer to Shizuo's warm body. Shizuo was holding him with only one arm now, his other arm splayed lazily across the couch. His grip tightened around the slender back at Izaya's movement and he mumbled something else Izaya could vaguely make out –

"Flea….."

\- …..Is he dreaming about me?

Izaya wondered. He raised his gaze to Shizuo whose eyes were closed and whose blond hair seemed golden in the dark.

"….."

Izaya decided not to say anything because contrary to Namie's belief, he didn't have a death wish and waking up Ikebukuro's monster would give him exactly that. So he just released the tiniest sigh, rested his head against the hard but comfortable chest, and closed his tired eyes.

"Goodnight, you dumb brute."

Izaya muttered. As if Shizuo had heard him, he made an incoherent, satisfied sounding sound and pushed Izaya closer to him with his arm.

"…."

Izaya's lips curved.

He relaxed, and soon fell asleep in the comforting warmth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Izaya woke up, it was in darkness and alone.

He was leaning against nothing.

Shizuo was nowhere to be seen.

"…"

Izaya got up for the third time that night, wondering if Shizuo had moved to the other couch.

But there was no monster on the other couch.

There was no monster in his apartment.

There was no monster in the darkness.

He was alone once again.

"…Shizu-chan?"

He called out, and only silence answered him.

"…I see."

Izaya said to himself.

"He left."

Shrugging, he got up from the couch and made his way up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Well, I'm surprised he didn't kill me when he woke up."

"Looks like I'm still alive."

Smiling sardonically to himself, Izaya opened his bedroom door and entered into another room of darkness. He closed the door and found his bed quickly, throwing himself onto it and burying his face in his pillow.

"You force me to take you home and you nuzzle me and you hug me and you annoy me and you kiss me and you say you want me and don't want me to leave and then  _you_ leave without a word?"

"Such an unpredictable, ungrateful brute….."

Izaya said to no one but himself. He blinked rapidly, then squeezed his eyes shut.

"I really hate you…"

It felt as if the bed was especially cold that moment of night.


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

 

**In which the Monster Stays with a Careless Flea and Simon has Good Instincts**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The door to Izaya's bedroom opened. A man in a bartender suit made his way inside silently.

He walked to the bed. He stood staring at the sleeping information broker, then reached out and brushed his hair away from his forehead.

Izaya stirred, muttering.

"Shizu-chan….?"

"Izaya."

Sleepy eyes half opened, catching sight of brown eyes and blond hair.

"Shizu-chan didn't leave?"

Shizuo tilted his head.

"….Yeah. Shizu-chan didn't leave."

 

"….Ah I see….."

Izaya smiled sleepily and curled up.

"And Shizu-chan's still drunk I see. Well as expected of a monster…."

"…But it's good. Since Shizu-chan is still drunk, he won't kill me. He'll kill me tomorrow, but I'll deal with that tomorrow…."

Izaya muttered to himself. He stretched his arms sleepily, then laid on his side.

"Hey Shizu-chan aren't you going to sleep together with me? It's what Shizu-chan has been saying all along….it's cold…"

Izaya seemed to huddle closer to himself.

"Cold…..humans are. So cold. But Shizu-chan is a monster. So he's warm."

"…Is Izaya lonely?"

"Lonely….I suppose I am."

Izaya yawned, then smiled wryly as if to himself.

"Because I don't have anyone like Shizu-chan. And I don't have anyone except Shizu-chan."

"But Shizu-chan doesn't have to know that. So that's why I'm saying it to this drunk Shizu-chan. Who is Shizu-chan but at the same time not really Shizu-chan. Because the Shizu-chan I know is always angry, not happy. That's the Shizu-chan I know."

"So Shizu-chan who's not Shizu-chan….won't you stay?"

Izaya asked the question in a sleepy tone layered over fragile hope.

"Because Shizu-chan won't remember, and it's cold, and –"

Izaya was cut off when his face was shoved into a familiar hard chest. He raised his dazed gaze.

"Shizu-chan?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Stay. I will stay."

"So sleep. Izaya."

 

Those brown eyes were looking at only him. Izaya blinked, then smiled and closed his eyes, snuggling close to his Shizu-chan who wasn't Shizu-chan.

"Okay….Shizu-chan."

 

"….."

 

 

Shizuo waited until he was sure Izaya was asleep, then sighed, holding Izaya close to him.

"You stupid, lonely, careless flea."

 

"….You don't even know you almost died tonight, do you?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Two hours earlier, in Shinjuku**

The Tokyo metropolis was a busy, bustling city. It had a vibrant night life, with roaming gangs, normal people and the feared yakuza. Which was why any immigrants were unnoticed until they stirred trouble. And even then, they would still remain in the shadows.

Such a situation applied to two men in Shinjuku, the metropolis' second centre. They were two men on an agenda, though not a personal one.

"Tell me why we have to do this again?"

"Because the Boss said so."

The first man sighed. He seemed a lackadaisical fellow with a penchant for drawling his words as he spoke –

"Riiiight. Just because some guy pissed the Boss off, we have to travel all the way to Japan to kill him."

"….Oh well at least it's in Japan so we can relax a little, everyone is so serious back there!"

As he said this the first man stretched his arms, inhaling the night air with a grin.

"And I was just beginning to enjoy our stay in America!"

"Yeah. But this is a mission."

"Oh right. Just ruin my fun won't you."

The second man shrugged. He seemed obedient, but one would have to doubt that supposed obedience in his next words –

"It's not like we can disobey."

People around looked at them curiously at the foreign language and the formal suits, but otherwise paid little attention to them. They blended in the crowd, heading towards their destination.

"Why does he need both of us to kill one man? He isn't that strong, is he?"

"The guy's an information broker. He probably anticipated beforehand and hired some bodyguard, the Boss didn't want to take any chances."

The man replied calmly, retrieving from his memory their superior's words.

"There are some pretty strong people here in Tokyo. And there are other assassins besides us as well. Russia I think. I even heard the Philosophical Killing Machine is here. You know, the 7th strongest assassin in Russia. Along with his protégé the Crow. And the Elephant. They arrived in Japan a while ago. We may have to face them."

As the man spoke, he was unaware that they didn't have to face the Crow and the Elephant or even them Philosophical Killing Machine –

They had to face someone worse than all three of them combined.

"Yeah, he mentioned some Russian dude at some sushi store, some headless rider – what's with that anyway? It seems there's a lot of weird stuff happening in this city."

"And the man in a bartender suit."

"Bartender suit….oh yeah, bartender suit! Well we won't have to worry about that, he said he's the information broker's enemy."

"True."

"And he's in Ikebukuro anyway – Ikebukuro's Monster. We're in Shinjuku."

"Yeah."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone knew Orihara Izaya was not to be trusted. As the information broker of Shinjuku, he was approached by dangerous people from the underworld. And though he didn't have their brawn, he had brains and he had never failed to escape a sticky situation resulting from divulging misleading information or information to rival syndicates of his clients.

No one trusted Orihara Izaya. And Izaya knew that. But he also knew though no one trusted him, they needed him. He was the only information broker around. The only worthy information broker around for people from Tokyo's dark underworld.

After all, it was he himself who had ensured his place would be uncontested.

Only one being of whom Izaya knew the name but not identity had gone against him.

Izaya prefers not to associate with this being.

Thus, they needed him, and could not get rid of him. Even the Awakusu-kai saw his use. When anyone wanted information, the name Orihara Izaya popped up in mind. Plain and simple. Whether they thought the information was trustworthy or not, it didn't matter. Orihara Izaya of Shinjuku was associated with information and would always be.

So Orihara Izaya happily lived his life in minimal danger – well, as minimal as the job of an information broker could bring him. Especially one who deliberately interfered in dangerous humans' lives and plans.

Until one normal day, he received a foreigner as a client. Although this seldom happened, it was nothing new for him –

What was new was that he had not known the man was a foreigner. The middle aged man had looked Japanese. He spoke Japanese as fluently as a native Japanese. He had curly black hair and fairly pale skin.

And he had lied to Izaya, giving him a Japanese name. And then asked him for information on a rival Yakuza syndicate.

Izaya had only found out later he had been deceived. The rival Yakuza syndicate happened to be involved in another one of Izaya's plans, and he had gleefully taken the opportunity to mix up what he thought was another Yakuza into his already constructed plans by giving him information that was not false, but would suit his purpose –

The alliance meeting, of the most famous Yakuza in Japan, with another Yakuza organization –

Which Izaya was planning to turn into a Yakuza War.

 

But Izaya was unfortunate. For the man was not a low ranking member of the Yakuza, he was a Mafia Boss. He had come from Italy, to expand his connections in Tokyo, Japan for the Yakuza's power and dealings in the underworld had reached him from Japan. He had asked for information not for a rival Yakuza syndicate, but on his potential ally.

The potential ally of the Mafia Boss had two rivals, one of which was an arch rival. Due to previous circumstances, these two rivals no longer trusted the information Izaya gave. They allowed him to live for they still needed a valuable information source, but were Izaya to take the initiative, they would doubt every single word he said.

But there was a spy within the Yakuza which the Mafia Boss considered a potential ally. He was from one of the rivals, and Izaya knew he was disconnected from them. But he also knew he would not trust Orihara Izaya's information. Thus he waited for the situation which he knew would lead him to seek information from his alias, Chrome – whom Izaya had created as another entity, seemingly another information broker.

And that information soon travelled to the Yakuza which was the arch rival of the Yakuza the Mafia Boss wanted information on.

 

And at the same time, Izaya was providing another piece of information as Chrome to the other rival – who was not happy their mutual ally was acting despite their agreement. And then he tied up the remaining strings by telling the Mafia Boss's potential ally about their arch rival's plan to take them down in the alliance meeting.

Thus the Yakuza who had a spy believed the Mafia Boss who had posed as a member of a Yakuza organization was intruding upon their territory – killing their arch rival before they did. On the other side, its mutual ally was angry that the other side was acting against their deal to not make any move on their mutual enemy. And the potential ally itself believed it was facing a threat, not an ally.

 

And so, when the Mafia Boss whom Izaya found too late was not a low ranking member of the Yakuza, met whom he thought would be his potential ally, he was facing not an ally but two enemies. Altogether, there were four underworld organizations in the area, three of which were Yakuza.

 

 

The result was a bloody night and the Mafia Boss's desire for revenge.

 

 

This would be a case that one slight miscalculation could lead to Izaya's downfall –

 But fate never went the way it was supposed to.

 

Not when Heiwajima Shizuo was involved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Several hours earlier, in Russia Sushi**

"What did you do that for, Simon?"

"Experiment, Dennis."

"Experiment?"

"Severino Bassini recently arrived in Japan."

"Right, and what does that guy have to do with anything?"

"He recently landed in the hospital. Gunshot wounds. From a brawl with the Yakuza. He was involved in a Yakuza war. I have a feeling it's Izaya's doing."

"So?"

"Izaya's careless. He doesn't know who that guy is. This could be his downfall."

"And you're protecting him? With Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"Shizuo just happened to come along, I thought it was a good opportunity."

"Why are you protecting that good for nothing information broker?"

"Izaya's not entirely bad, Dennis. Besides, it really is a good opportunity for them to get along, don't you think? Ikebukuro could be much more peaceful."

"….I hope you know what you're doing, Simon."

Dennis sighed as he brought the chopper down onto the fish.

"Though, how did you know Izaya would pass by? And Shizuo -"

He trailed off, but Simon understood what he meant.

"Izaya always passes by around evening time, no? And Shizuo seems like he would be a happy drunk! Shizuo is normally angry, so he should be happy when drunk, yes?"

Simon smiled brightly, the smile lighting up his dark face.

Dennis smiled wryly, shaking his head.

"Tsk, sounds like you planned everything, Semyon."

"I didn't plan anything. It's not my forte. I just listened to my instincts."

Simon said, shrugging his large shoulders as he spoke in Russian.

"Yeah those instincts saved our lives quite a few times."

Dennis recounted with a sense of fondness and almost nostalgia as Simon smiled along with him.

"That's right."

 

"But it's just a coincidence, that's all. Sometimes, destiny just makes an unexpected turn."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say there would be plot xD
> 
> Don't worry if you got confused, that's what the timeline at the end is for! Everything will be connected eventually.
> 
> The picture does not belong to me, but to an amazing person who drew for this story! I wanna provide a link but I haven't asked for permission, they're busy at the moment...
> 
> Thanks for the comments! ^_^ They make me smile. I'm glad people are enjoying the story. 
> 
> Chapters will be longer from here onwards so the next update will take a bit longer. We'll be going back in time and a certain someone will make an 'appearance'.


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

_**In which the Plot is Revealed and Mafia Assassins Meet the Man in a Bartender Suit** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Previous day, somewhere in Tokyo**

_Brrr….Brrr!_

"….Hello?"

" _Hey Nakura-kun. Today's your lucky day!"_

"L-Lucky day…..?"

_"Uhuh. If my memory serves me right, you questioned me whether you will have to deal with Yakuza in the future - and since I'm in a generous mood today, I'm here to answer your question."_

"Don't tell me -!"

_"Ahahahaha! You certainly are sharper than you look! I don't even have to say it."_

"Izaya-san, please….! Anything but the Yakuza –! I never meant -!"

_"The Tokyo station sure is crowded, isn't it?"_

"Eh?"

_"Let's imagine a scenario. You're on the platform, in a rush to get somewhere. It's very crowded, and when the train comes, everyone's pushing and shoving to get inside. You included, because you really have to get to that somewhere, let's say, to work or to meet your girlfriend. Even though whatever it is, it's very important and you can't be late, you don't take a taxi because you have no money. So that's your own personal responsibility."_

"What –"

_"So the train comes, and everyone is pushing and shoving. And the train doors are closing. You and another guy are amongst one of the last. Because you believe your personal interest, getting to your important appointment is more important, you give one last shove and force your way inside. But it's your unlucky day see, and the train doors close on the unfortunate, innocent guy, crushing him. Blood spurts out, splatters the train doors and people scream. And you know you're the one who did it."_

_"Maybe you're especially unlucky, and the guy falls onto the railway track and gets run over by the train – the next day you turn on the TV, and you see the news. And your family and friends are talking about the horrible incident and who's that horrible person and you know it's you – and you don't dare to admit it. Even though you know it's your fault. And yet you're filled with guilt, but there's nothing you can do. Consider this situation and your situation…..don't you think I'm being very kind?"_

"W-What's the point of this, Izaya-san?!"

_"And here I thought you were sharp. I'm merely providing a useful analogy to the actions of your past self."_

"….!"

_"You realize now, don't you?"_

"But such a situation, is possible but also very impossible!"

_"As am I."_

"?!"

_"I'm possible, but also very impossible. I'm one of a kind! It's just your bad luck that you had to meet someone like me. And it's just your bad luck that my only friend had to dive to my rescue, and get injured. Now you see, if he hadn't done that, perhaps you would be living a normal peaceful life now. But you see, you can't blame him either, no matter his thoughts at that time, for you were the one who attacked. It's not your fault you ended up harming him because you had no intention – **but you were the one who attacked**."_

"….."

_"Should I say more? You were the one who chose to gamble your money away. You were the one who was so desperate to get back your money you stole from your father's wallet. Just like that situation in the train station, you having no money was your own personal responsibility. But you know, that guy in the train station, is more innocent than you. He was the cause of someone else's death but he had never intended it."_

_"While you, Nakura-kun, were brandishing a knife and intended to injure me who had no responsibility towards your lack of money. But you needed a scapegoat in your desperation, and you had the intention to hurt. You wanted your money back, and you didn't care how it was done. The possibility of hurting someone occurred to you unlike that guy, but you didn't care. Knowing such, can you still say it's not your fault?"_

"I-Izaya-san….."

_"But because you're just a normal human, you do feel guilt. Because you only had the intention to hurt at that moment in your desperation, but it's clear you regretted your actions afterwards. And here I am, helping you to assuage your guilt! Don't you think I'm being very kind?"_

"You –"

**" _Don't you think so…..Nakura-kun?"_**

"….Y-Yes. Yes, Izaya-san. You are being….kind."

_"I'm glad you see it my way. Getting back to matters, have you heard of the Yamaguchi-gumi?"_

"?! Yamaguchi-gumi?!"

_"Yes, the most famous Yakuza in Japan – and outside Japan."_

"W-Wait! Wait, Izaya-san! Isn't this –"

_"I require your assistance to obtain illegal weapons of the Yamaguchi-gumi from their hideout, Nakura-kun."_

"But -!"

_"Might I just inform you, that you're caught between a rock and a hard place."_

"E-Eh?"

_"You see, it's not me who wants those illegal weapons. It's the Awakusu-kai. And so it wouldn't be my fault if those weapons weren't obtained, would it? I'd just have to tell Shiki-san that Nakura-kun was being very stubborn –"_

"I get it! I get it! I'll do it!"

_"Oh? Well that didn't take long."_

"But Izaya-san….how – how can I infiltrate a Yakuza hideout? I'd die!"

_"Hmmm….you know, I wonder when the Yakuza war is going to end."_

"Y-Yakuza war?!"

_"Some other information broker caused a Yakuza war. The Yamaguchi-gumi have called all their reinforcements in the area, as confirmed by another information broker. Of course, they have many hideouts, but I have information that that hideout is bereft of the Yamaguchi-gumi. Because they're facing their arch rival Sumiyoshi-kai, you know? They need all their men."_

_"And like I said before, today just happens to be your lucky day – that hideout, and not their headquarters in Kobe, is where the weapons the Awakusu-kai wants, are. Now knowing this, what should you do?"_

"B-Because Izaya-san had the kindness to cause a distraction for me, I should take this opportunity."

_"Very good, Nakura-kun! There's that sharpness of yours."_

"….More like you wanted to cause chaos for your own amusement."

_"Hm? What was that, Nakura-kun?"_

"Nothing at all, Izaya-san."

_"Is that so. I thought I heard something. Anyway, I'll provide you with the location of the Yamaguchi-gumi hideout."_

"R-Right….."

_"Ah, I almost forgot!"_

"What is it….?"

_"Even though I'm pretty sure that hideout is bereft of the Yakuza, do still be cautious, there are video cameras after all."_

"….!"

_"Of course, you're just one guy but who knows, someday may be your unlucky day and you might just encounter one of the 20 000 members of the Yamaguchi-gumi on the street –"_

"I-I…!"

_"But that shouldn't be a problem for you, because you're an expert in sneaking around, eh? I'm sure you can avoid those video cameras quite skilfully. Especially as they might be connected to the Yamaguchi-gumi's headquarters in Kobe."_

"I'm going to die!"

_"Oh don't exaggerate. Anyway, you can always go to Shinra for more plastic surgery – you'll have to give up your precious money in return though. Ahahaha! Don't you think this is poetic justice, Nakura-kun?!"_

"I-"

_"Hm?"_

"….Yes. Yes it is, Izaya-san."

_"It is, isn't it? Don't be too worried, I still require your services in the future after all. You should get going before the Yakuza war ends."_

_"Oh and remember, anytime you feel regret, blame your past self. This is only the beginning of your suffering, Nakura-kun."_

_"Bye-bye."_

_Click._

_Beep. Beep._

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I'M GOING TO DIE! I'M GOING TO DIE! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!"

"WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!"

"WHY DOES KISHITANI SHINRA HAVE TO _EXIST?_!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Italy.

One of the countries in the world which has renowned underground activities.

The Mafia. The Italian Mafia.

Let's see -

According to the classic definition, the Mafia is a criminal organization originating in Sicily. However, the term "mafia" has become a generic term for any organized criminal network with similar structure, methods, and interests.

Each group, known as a "family", "clan", or "cosca", claims sovereignty over a territory, usually a town or village or a neighbourhood ( _borgata)_  of a larger city, in which it operates its rackets. Its members call themselves "men of honour", although the public often refers to them as "mafiosi".

In November 2007 Sicilian police reported discovery of a list of "Ten Commandments" in the hideout of mafia boss Salvatore Lo Piccolo, thought to be guidelines on good, respectful and honourable conduct for a mafioso.

1\. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it.

2\. Never look at the wives of friends.

3\. Never be seen with cops.

4\. Don't go to pubs and clubs.

5\. Always being available for  _Cosa Nostra_  is a duty - even if your wife is about to give birth.

6\. Appointments must absolutely be respected. ( _probably refers to formal rank and authority._ )

7\. Wives must be treated with respect.

8\. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.

9\. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.

10\. People who can't be part of  _Cosa Nostra_ : anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn't hold to moral values.

The pentito Antonino Calderone recounted similar Commandments in his 1987 testimony:

These rules are not to touch the women of other men of honour; not to steal from other men of honour or, in general, from anyone; not to exploit prostitution; not to kill other men of honour unless strictly necessary; to avoid passing information to the police; not to quarrel with other men of honour; to maintain proper behavior; to keep silent about  _Cosa Nostra_  around outsiders; to avoid under all circumstances introducing oneself to other men of honour.

 

 

 

Well Orihara can't be fully blamed for being careless, I took this information from Wikipedia after all.

Still, he should have been more cautious. He of all people shouldn't have judged people by their looks –

But I digress. I'm surprised by his carelessness though. That he didn't consider the possibility that his client was a Mafioso Boss sworn to secrecy by the code of honor. I thought that guy was always looking for interesting things to happen.

But then again I suppose, in the midst of making something interesting happen, people tend to not notice something interesting that is actually happening.

 

I must say though, I'm a little impressed. Killing three birds with one stone.

And to think that you would go to the extent of starting a Yakuza war between the two most famous Yakuza in Japan, the Yamaguchi-gumi and the Sumiyoshi-kai.

But after killing three birds with one stone, all the more you should look out for other birds who may come to seek revenge, don't you think?

Or actually, birds of revenge from the fourth bird you accidentally 'killed'.

Though that man is more like a snake.

A snake which you injured quite badly.

A very impossible situation for a snake to be amongst the birds you killed, but the birds just happened to be on the ground and not in the sky, so possible all the same.

Just like how you described to Nakura, right Orihara?

Kishitani Shinra. A very interesting individual to be able to make you of all people take revenge for him – when he doesn't even want revenge himself. Perhaps you too are satisfying your guilt, like you told Nakura.

Perhaps it's a form of twisted self-reflection, for you are a selfish person after all.

Though be careful to not lose your own life in the process – you who are scared of death.

Be careful to not have poetic justice turn its hungry head from Nakura towards you, in an ironic twist of fate.

But I digress.

An information broker really shouldn't be so careless, it's quite a dangerous job after all.

 

 

Hm? Who am I?

Haha! I can't tell you that. It would be too much of a shock.

Haven't I introduced myself before?

Just call me Tsukumoya. Tsukumoya Shinichi.

You don't have to think of me as anyone. Just think of me –

As a being who is interested in seeing this city itself manifesting.

And one of the manifestations of this city –

Is that man in a bartender suit.

 

Oh Orihara, sleeping so peacefully.

You don't even know something interesting is happening in your city, don't you?

Because of you.

Taking your anger out on the one who pisses you off the most, making an exception when you usually refuse to provide his information to anyone –

Causing a butterfly effect just like Nakura when he threatened you, and just like Kishitani Shinra when he protected you –

And just like the Awakusu-kai when they sent you on this suicidal mission – but since they practically picked you up, your personal bias doesn't consider the possibility that they found out about your manipulation and kidnapping of Awakusu Akane and were intending to let fate itself get rid of you for they have no desire to dirty their hands.

Because you were picked up by them, you feel a sort of connection even you can't deny. It's like an aspiring singer and their recording label. The singer may be very good, but had he not been seen by a scout, he would never have been able to make a living doing his favourite thing – in his case, singing, and in your case, being an information broker. So he may become world famous, but he will still always hold a sort of unsaid debt to his recording label, even if he chooses to change labels in the future.

You may have connections to the famous Yamaguchi-gumi and Sumiyoshi-kai as information broker Chrome, but you will forever be tied to the Awakusu-kai as information broker Orihara Izaya.

There's a reason why information broker Chrome is not information broker A, yes?

You don't dare to step into that dark world yet. You fear death after all.

Ah well, it seems the Awakusu-kai failed. Do be aware though Orihara, that you're not the only one who contacts me for information.

Do also be aware that since you came to them when you were a kid, a mere teenager of fifteen, or was it Sweet Sixteen –

They see you as a kid. A kid who's playing around with his toys and whom they don't care about unless he causes trouble to the adults.

Unlike Heiwajima Shizuo, whom they see as a man.

 

 

 

Well, it's none of my business is it?

I suppose children have their ways of surviving too, and so you get to live longer, since you did get the Awakusu-kai the weapons they wanted after all, from the hideout of the famous Yamaguchi-gumi no less.

I'm sure they're pretty impressed with you that you managed to cheat death. So they'll keep you around for a little longer, won't they? You do provide useful information to them after all, and they know to them, you would never dare lie.

But let's see, the Awakusu-kai caused a butterfly effect too, not Simon Brezhnev because he knew – but it all ends up –

At the hands of the man in a bartender suit.

Just like it always does.

You've gotten Heiwajima Shizuo involved again in one of your schemes and you don't even know.

 

…..Well I suppose –

You are just human after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assassins. Contract killers. People hired to kill.

Italy was famous for them.

Also known as the clean-up army of the Mafia. Whenever Mafia Bosses preferred not to dirty their hands, they would let these cold-blooded contract killers do the job.

Severino Bassini was one of these Bosses who preferred not to dirty his hands. Especially as he was in the hospital from gunshot wounds from a Yakuza war.

Bassini was considered benevolent in the Mafia world, but powerful. He did not like unnecessary violence, but he was deadly when crossed. People would describe him as a snake – slithering and seemingly idle, but around you squeezing you to death if provoked - or sinking poisonous fangs into your flesh.

Yet even as a snake, he would be a boa. Killing by constriction and suffocation, but leaving his prey undeformed. His coils would wrap around his victim too fast for them to comprehend with significant force, so tightly they could not inhale and would suffocate and die.

But people always had varied opinions, and some men of honour argued that he was a king cobra. Despite his reputation, he avoided confrontation. But when provoked, he would show exactly why he was considered dangerous in the Mafia world. He was capable of dealing a poisonous, deadly bite.

Just like the king cobra, Bassini could still move forward to strike within a long distance while raising himself. And just like with the king cobra, people misjudged the safe zone when dealing with him. And would usually end up dead.

 

And so, this man known as a boa and a king cobra had been provoked, by a person who had misjudged the safe zone when dealing with him.

This is the reason behind the presence of two Italian Mafia Assassins in the Tokyo metropolis's second centre, Shinjuku.

Just like the Boss they were affiliated with, these assassins did not kill for pleasure but for, as they were meant to, a living. For money.

And just like their Boss, they were underestimated. And so their victims would end up dead.

There was a reason why these supposedly benevolent assassins could survive in the ruthless world of Mafia contract killers.

They were known by their first names. Some speculated they were aliases, others believed they were real.

This was the reason why despite their dangerous reputation, they had no official alias.

For their names ironically fitted their style.

 

 

Luciano. 'Born in the first hours of light'.

His speciality was blinding his opponents before he killed them. Both figuratively with his blinding speed, and literally.

Born in the first hours of light

Moves at the speed of light

Beware or he'll blind your sight.

Luciano was half British and had a fondness for poetry. Thus his reputation travelled with that rhyme. It was the only English poem his adversaries were interested in. Even though it didn't allow them to defeat him in battle before he killed them.

But that is irrelevant.

Michele. 'Who is like God?'

It was indeed a question mark with this man. For people didn't know if he was just lucky, or if he really was omniscient.

Michele had no fixed fighting style. He knew a range of fighting styles, and he was experienced in studying an opponent's fighting style and deconstructing it in his mind – its strengths, weaknesses, blind spots.

To his opponents, it was almost as if he was omniscient. Especially as he did it in the middle of battle. Fighting and killing were just systems to him – to deconstruct and expose the weaknesses of until he gained the advantage and emerged victorious.

His specialty was breaking the system.

No one knew how he did it, or when he did it, one moment he could be on the losing end, and the other you could end up dead with a bullet hole through your chest, and your weapon nowhere to be seen.

Unlike other assassins, these two stood out in the Mafia world for not their number of killings but the mystery that surrounded them. No one knew where they came from. All they knew was that they were affiliated with the Boa-King Cobra Mafia Boss Severino Bassini, and that meant they were dangerous and not to be underestimated.

No one knew their exact number of killings either, the man who was 'Like God?' and the man 'Born in the first hours of Light' came and went like the wind. All people knew was that they were affiliated with each other, and even the Bassini famiglia (save for their Boss) lacked information on them.

But despite not being known for their number of killings, they were alive and not dead, and people preferred not to let their guard down around these enigmatic individuals. Especially because of rumors that other assassins' sudden deaths were due to them.

 

Nevertheless, whether they were benevolent or ruthless, these two assassins arrived in Shinjuku one fine night.

On orders of the only man who could be called their Boss, Severino Bassini –

To send a violent message to the man who had crossed the Mafia Boss –

Orihara Izaya, Shinjuku's information broker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**An hour earlier, in an apartment in Shinjuku**

"Hey Luce?"

"…"

"Sorry. That's a girl's name in English right. I meant, Luciano."

"….It's a girl's name in Italian too."

Luciano muttered for what felt like the hundredth time to him but his companion was busy looking around.

"Anyway, Luciano…."

"What is it, Michelle?"

"This is the place, right?"

"I suppose. Certainly looks like it belongs to some rich guy."

"Yeah I know, but are you sure it's the information broker's residence? I mean look –"

Step, step, step.

"The door's left wide open!"

"….It seems he's more careless than we thought. The Boss overestimated him."

"Guess so."

The Italian male stepped into the apartment, shrugging his shoulders as his dignified companion closed the door behind them. He was of a slightly slender build, but his tanned arms were toned with muscles. His black hair which camouflaged with his black hat reached the nape of his neck which he turned, surveying the spacious apartment with blue eyes which matched the blue feather in his hat.

"Is that like two computers? Woo, guy sure is rich."

"Michele."

"Yeah I know. We're here to kill. Right….hey after we kill him can I have that laptop? It looks really cool."

"…..Stealing is forbidden in the rules, Michele."

The one who had muttered was a sandy haired blond. Standing at about the same height with his companion, his sharp, dark brown, almost black eyes caught sight of a room on the second floor.

"Oh yeah right. But we're not exactly men of honour, we're just hired by a man of honour."

"That's true."

"Yeah. Anyway the Boss really overestimated this information broker guy."

"Yeah, no bodyguards anywhere at all –"

_Creeeeak_

Had the two men not been experienced in invading homes themselves, they would have started at the sound of the door opening.

Smoke came from the cigarette on the man's lips. He was tall but had a thin build, and his blond hair was visible even in the darkness. He seemed to be wearing black and white.

"Damn flea. Why the hell did I come back?"

The man seemed to be muttering to himself. He puffed on his cigarette in frustration.

"I should just go home. Yeah what the hell am I doing here I should just –"

He paused suddenly, as his hazel eyes shifted their gaze.

"Who's there?"

"Shiiit, you're sharp. And here I thought we could stab you in the back."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Michele."

The shorter blond held out a hand. He turned his dark brown eyes to meet the other man's hazel ones. He spoke in formal Japanese.

"Excuse us. But we're here to kill the information broker who lives in this apartment."

"….Tch. Assassins? Just my luck."

The blond in black and white which sent an uneasy feeling to the other blond, gave a derisive scoff.

"What the fuck did the flea do this time?"

"...Flea?"

Luciano asked, unsure if he had heard wrong. Why would such a big man be talking about or be concerned about a flea? And how could a flea do anything a human would be concerned about? If fleas were annoying they were just squashed. Pure and simple.

"Orihara Izaya. Information broker Orihara Izaya. What did he do?"

\- I see. So Orihara Izaya is also known as a flea.

\- ….Why isn't he squashed yet?

\- No matter. He will be by the end of tonight.

"He tricked a Mafia Boss into a conflict with the Yakuza. And now he wants revenge."

"Hey Luciano! Why the heck are you telling him everything?!"

"Well he asked." Luciano just shrugged. His eyes were still on the other blond. "So, if you understand, you should leave and pretend you didn't see anything –"

"No."

"….What?"

"You deaf? I said no."

"….I don't think you understand the danger you're in. We're professionals trained to kill. But I'd rather not kill an innocent if I can help it. So if you –"

He was cut off when his own body instinctively dodged the projectile that flew past his cheek.

"…."

The male touched his cheek. It burned slightly.

"Take that as a warning. You're pissing me off. Now leave."

The man spoke slowly and calmly. But Luciano's mind was flashing back to a few seconds ago –

The man had not thrown the cigarette.

He had flicked it with his index finger.

And they were near the glass, while he was all the way near the main door.

Suddenly the black and white clicked in his mind.

"Hey, Luc -"

"Bartender suit." The blond assassin with dark brown eyes muttered at the same time his partner realized.

"…That's bad isn't it?"

 

Luciano sighed. He flicked his gaze to the taller man, switching back to Japanese.

"Are you here to kill the information broker?"

"No."

The shorter blond blinked.

"Are you here as his bodyguard then?"

"Me? That flea's bodyguard? No way in hell!"

The blond man in a bartender suit seemed to be disgusted at the thought.

The other blond was confused. He shook his head, flicking his sandy blond hair away from his eyes. "Why are you here then?"

"…..It's none of your business."

The man in a bartender suit muttered, seeming not to want to talk about the matter at all.

"…."

The information he had been given was not making sense in Luciano's head. The man in a bartender suit was supposed to be in Ikebukuro, not in Orihara Izaya's apartment in Shinjuku. Unless he wanted to kill him. Which he had already said he didn't.

"Look Luce, let me try." Michele said as he turned his blue eyes.

"Right. Bartender suit-san. If you're not here to kill the information broker and you're not here to protect him, then you should leave, right?"

"Like hell I'll leave and let you kill the flea."

"..But you said you're not here as his bodyguard."

"Just because I'm not here as his bodyguard doesn't mean I'll let you kill him."

Michele blinked. He felt as if he were experiencing culture shock. Were all Japanese like this? His words didn't make sense at all.

Or was it just this man?

…Or maybe it was just his own inexperience in the language.

"….Are you his friend then?"

"Hell no! As if I would ever want that flea as a friend –"

"Are you his boyfriend then?"

"WHAT?!"

The blond man in a bartender suit seemed horrified at the mere suggestion.

"No? Then, his lover?"

"….YOU WANT TO DIE, DON'T YOU?!"

The door was suddenly in the man's hand.

…..Wait.

The door?

Luciano's eyes widened slightly while Michele gaped.

"W-What?!"

"Impossible….."

Luciano muttered in disbelief as Michele pushed out his hands towards the advancing man in a bartender suit singlehandedly holding the door above his head –

"Wait – wait! Bartender suit-san! Don't throw that door at me! I was joking about the lover thing – but really, you're not his friend, you're not here to kill him and you're not here to protect him either so what was I supposed to think?!"

"…."

Fortunately, the black haired man's words seemed to make sense to Shizuo. He inhaled with a glare, then dropped the door down.

"Tch."

"….Let's go then."

"Eh?"

Michele sounded stupid. Luciano didn't hit him only because his current thoughts were pretty idiotic as well.

\- Bartender suit is weird

\- We were not heard

\- I can see why he's feared

Yes the English poem was suddenly quite idiotic to even him. And obvious. And nowhere near the level of his other poems. He tore the metaphorical paper to pieces and scattered them into the black hole in his mind.

"Go where?"

Said weird bartender suit looked at him as if he was the weird one.

"Outside. Where else?"

He snorted as if at their stupidity, then turned to them with an annoyed gaze.

"You bastards won't leave, so we're gonna take this outside."

He walked away from them in long strides, muttering as if to himself -

 

"….If we fight here the place will be destroyed and the flea will suck all my money away."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments :) But I just want to clarify, there will be no lemon in this fic. There will be a biiiiit of 'sexual contact' but in a more humorous way and it doesn't go much further than that (Shizuo just likes Izaya's neck). This isn't a typical Shizaya romance, it's more of Shizaya interaction instead.


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

 

**In which the Flea Screws Everything Up, Sunglasses Save Shizuo's Sight and There Is No System**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been right to not underestimate the man in a bartender suit. When he and Michele had proceeded to follow him, believing the civilian would prefer the stairs, said civilian had suddenly stopped and turned towards the balcony –

And promptly jumped off the building from the second floor.

Not using anything to climb down, just a huge leap from the 2nd floor to the ground.

Miraculously, when they had gone to check on him, they found him looking up at them, completely unharmed with a cigarette in his mouth and an irritated look in his eyes, shouting at them that weren't they assassins and couldn't they 'hurry the hell up?' For he wanted to get the fight over and done with.

The two assassins had shared a look that told each other they had the same ironic feeling of being the civilian – before they followed the man in a bartender suit's example.

 

 

 

 

**Ten minutes later**

 

And now, the three men were standing somewhere in Shinjuku, having followed the so called civilian to a relatively quiet area where they wouldn't draw much attention.

Despite his impatience, the blond man decked in black and white who had put on a pair of designer sunglasses had removed his cigarette from his lips and looked like he wanted to say something, so they waited.

"..You two. What are your names?"

He had spoken after staring at them for a while, and the Italian blond answered.

"I'm Luciano, and he's Michele."

Shizuo blinked. He tilted his head, staring at the black haired man.

"…..Michelle? Isn't that a girl's name in English?"

"Michele – not Michelle -Wait it's a girl's name in English?! Stop laughing, Luciano!"

The blond man was doubled over in laughter, pounding his fist against his thigh.

"- Haha- Haha- hahahaha! Sorry,  _Michelle_."

He pronounced the feminine name with an innocent smile, causing the black haired man's face to heat up in embarrassment and anger.

"You bastard, I knew you were pronouncing my name weird! You mean all this time you've been calling me a girl's name?! Sounds nicer in the English pronunciation my foot! Bartender suit-san, really?!"

"Well my English isn't good but it sounds like a girl's name in English."

"Well it isn't! In Italian, it's Mi-KEH-lee. MI-KEE-LEH! Not Mi-chele! Lucia I'm gonna kill you after this!"

"At least yours is only a girl's name in English, the short forms you give my name are girls' names in  _both_ English and Italian. Tch."

"Eh really? But Luce sounds nice! And Lucia sounds nice too! Luciano is so long! Lu-cha-no! Three syllables, Luce!"

"Mi-Keh-Leh is also three syllables, Michele."

"….Oh yeah."

"And you can memorize fighting styles in less than a minute but you can't memorize three syllables. Brilliant."

"T-That's different! Anyway I can't just drop it after so long -"

"….Tsk. Do whatever you want."

"..Eh? Aww really? Thanks Lucia!"

"No problem, Michelle."

"…"

Shizuo was getting a little annoyed. The calling of girls' names between the two men who were clearly close reminded him of the flea who called him 'Shizu-chan'.

After all these years, he still didn't understand why the flea had to add a feminine suffix to his name. No, he couldn't even call him 'Shizuo-chan'. At least then Shizuo could have pretended Izaya was calling him a kid. But the damn flea just had to say "Shizu-chan". As if his name was Shizuka instead of Shizuo.

"….Tch! Oi, are we gonna fight or not?!"

Shizuo said impatiently, the thought of the flea calling him Shizu-chan and him still not knowing why bringing annoyance to his mind.

"My apologies, bartender-san."

"Shizuo."

"Eh?"

"My name's Shizuo. Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Hei-wai? Hei-wa? Hei-wa-ja-ma? No that's not right, Hei….woji- argh I can't pronounce it at all! Why is your name so long?!"

"Tsk….That's my family name, Mikilo. My name's Shizuo."

"But Japanese address by family name out of respect." Luciano stated. He smiled. "Right, Heiwajima-san. Let's begin battle."

"Tch. Yeah –"

It was only because of his sharp instincts that Shizuo's hand dropped the cigarette and automatically raised barely in the nick of time to block the blade from slashing across his eyes.

"Oi Lucia! Go easy on him, he's not even our target!"

Luciano didn't reply. The look in his eyes was as if he had switched to battle mode. He leapt back before Shizuo's fist could hit his face, wielding his 9 inch switchblade stiletto in his hand.

"You have fast reflexes, Heiwajima-san."

A long sword dagger came into his other hand from his sleeve. The ambidextrous man crossed his blades, then seemed to disappear.

Shizuo had no weapon, so he brought his arms up to block the fast slashes at his body. He would have grabbed the man and thrown him, had he not been so fast Shizuo couldn't follow him with his eyes.

"Tch!"

The blond leapt back, glaring. Had his body not been as indestructible as it was, he would have suffered much more than cuts all over his arms.

He was annoyed. Very. Very Annoyed. He hated guys he couldn't catch and throw, like the flea.

And this man was like the flea and not like the flea at the same time – he was faster than the flea but his attack style was very different from the flea's.

Izaya leapt and dodged and annoyed him with that taunting smirk. When the coward fought, he would fight cautiously, going in for an effective strike before leaping out of the way just before he got hit. He seemed to time Shizuo's hits – or at least have some sort of instinct about Shizuo's movements, and so far it was impossible for Shizuo to get a good, solid, clean hit on him. And he would always laugh and smirk like he was enjoying it all.

But this guy was silent. And fast. How could Shizuo fight an opponent he couldn't even see? His strength would be of no use if he couldn't get hold of his opponent.

\- Guess they're called assassins for a reason.

The sardonic thought floated through Shizuo's head.

But he hadn't gained his reputation for nothing, and he tried to tell this to the other blond who was suddenly in view.

"….You. Luchani. Even though you remind me of the fucking flea, you're not a bad guy. So, this is my last warning. Stop before you get seriously hurt. Go home and tell your Boss you failed your mission."

"Can't do that, Heiwajima-san. I'd still like to live."

"….."

Shizuo was silent for a while. He could feel not only the other blond looking at him but the black haired guy too, and his stare was making him feel annoyed.

"Then I won't hold back."

The blond's voice was low and warning. Luciano had the brief thought that the man in a bartender suit was actually kinder than his reputation made him out to be.

If it were him, he wouldn't have said anything. He would have just killed the man.

He only gave a single warning after all.

"Same here, Heiwajima-san."

He wasn't surprised when the man dodged the blade aimed at his face. But he was surprised when instead of trying to attack him like so many had done, the man stared as if he could see him, then closed his eyes.

"….?!"

Luciano stared for a bit, but when the man didn't move, he continued attacking the man, slashing at him with his knives –

But suddenly the man in a bartender suit seemed able to dodge. A few slashes still hit him but he moved his body as if to some unknown rhythm only he could hear, a rhythm that just happened to correspond with the execution of his unavoidable attacks.

\- He can sense me.

\- He can't see me, but he can sense me.

\- This guy….he really isn't ordinary.

As he had these thoughts, his mind was distracted and he let his guard down –

_BANG_

Pain burst out in his stomach and then his back as his body was sent crashing against the hard metal of a lamppost.

"…YOU!"

"Luciano you alright?"

"…..Fine."

Luciano said calmly as he got up, wincing only slightly at the pain.

"His fist is like iron."

Michele said nothing. The dark haired male had a gun in his hand, and the other male realized he had fired it as soon as Shizuo's fist had hit him.

\- Good old Michele.

"Now bartender suit-san, don't forget about me."

Shizuo's hand had gone to his bleeding shoulder, but otherwise he showed no sign of being affected by the gunshot.

"Tsk. Gun."

The man in a bartender suit who had been likened to a gun by the headless rider said, giving a scoff.

"Let's just get this over with."

_BANG –_

Or at least, that was what the sound should have been, but there was no sound and Michele realized he couldn't pull the trigger.

"?!"

As soon as the realization hit him, his face was grabbed and felt like it was being crushed as his eyes met a pair of feral eyes –

\- Shit.

But his other hand was free and soon a knife slashed across Shizuo's neck, making the blond loosen his hold. The black haired man took the opportunity to jump back, his left hand releasing the gun who had its barrel bent.

He was about to pull out another gun but a  _boom_  sounded, and smoke from a grenade filled the air around Shizuo.

A bitter grin crossed Michele's lips as he watched the blond assassin dart into the smoke, heading towards their opponent who had had a chilling look in his eyes -

\- So that's the Monster of Ikebukuro.

-If we don't aim to kill him, we'll be the ones who'll end up dead.

\- I guess the two of us are needed after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shizuo was trapped in smoke.

One moment he had grabbed hold of the gunman's face, and the next the guy had slashed a knife across his neck and then suddenly smoke was all he could see.

\- Fucking assassins.

At the same time, Shizuo was receiving slashes all over his body as if the smoke itself could damage his body.

He hated violence, and the assassins were better guys than the flea, nicer even, but they were beginning to piss him off.

Especially as he was also now receiving gunshots from a silent gun.

Using his instincts, Shizuo dodged the next gunshots as he tried to see through the smoke –

And promptly got slashed horizontally across his eyes.

Or he would have, had he not been wearing his sunglasses.

As it was, the knife hit his sunglasses, flinging them far away –

"…!"

The monster's hand reached out to grab hold of human skin. And though he couldn't see, he could hear the cracking of bones, and a short, pained gasp.

_CRACK_

His other hand reached out to grab hold of the invisible man's neck, but a sizzling sensation in his hand distracted him and the man tore his broken wrist away and was suddenly gone.

Shizuo could no longer feel his presence. He walked calmly forward, and as the smoke dissipated, reached out his hands towards something heavy and lifted it off the ground.

_Creak_

When the smoke cleared completely, the man in a bartender suit was standing and despite the bleeding wounds all over his body, holding a bench in his hands.

He used the bench to block the gunshots aimed at him as he proceeded forward towards the assassins, his hazel eyes flashing dangerously.

The bench soon left his hands, but they had been anticipating it and dodged the heavy wood that landed on the ground with a crash.

 

Michele barely dodged the fist that came swinging at him as the blond man was suddenly in his face again. He shot his silenced gun at the man, hitting easily at such close range but not seeming to deal much damage.

\- He really is indestructible.

His gun was knocked out of his hand, and he wished he had brought his shotgun. Switching to close combat mode, the black haired man ducked before Shizuo could grab his neck and strangle him, aiming a kick at Shizuo's chin.

Shizuo's other hand grabbed his leg but Michele had been anticipating it. He executed a roundhouse kick, impacting Shizuo's chest and at the same time springing off with the force from his feet and blackflipping away.

After seeing what the monster of Ikebukuro had done to Luciano's arm, Michele smartly chose not to block his attacks, merely dodge them and counter them with his own as his blue eyes silently assessed for a glitch he could create in the system.

 

Every fighter had a system. A system made up of combat moves, particular ways of movements and timing of defence. Every system was different, but every system could be broken. Consciously or not, every fighter followed their system when they fought, and that was Michele's job – to exploit that faithful following to the system. To identify patterns and uncover weaknesses, glitches.

When he created enough glitches, the system would eventually break down. And that was when he would strike the death blow.

Though with this indestructible man, he would be lucky if he could strike a fatal blow.

Aware of the systems others possessed, Michele did not have his own personal system. He had no particular fighting style, he used a variety of fighting styles, depending on the situation. He could switch his fighting style in the middle of battle to confuse his opponent.

And the style his opponent was using –

Which currently he was attempting to deconstruct –

Was one he could not identify.

There were some moves that seemed to belong to boxing, and some from professional wrestling, a few from martial arts and some which seemed completely random and did not belong to any form of fighting at all.

\- This guy….

It was only because of Michele's experience with identifying fighting styles and breaking systems that he managed to not get hit so far.

At this point, he dodged the fist that made the air rush past his face and blow against his hair, and sprung back, landing on his feet and staring with wary eyes at the man in a bartender suit.

For the man who had gained a reputation of being omniscient almost like a God in battle had arrived at a stunning conclusion about the man known as The God of Destruction.

\- It's dangerous to go near him

\- He has no fighting style.

This was why the man in a bartender suit had managed to defeat the Killing Monster and the Killing Machine whom Michele admired, with a park bench alone.

He did not rely on fighting style.

He relied on violence.

And violence alone.

Coupled with his superhuman strength, he was indeed the personification of violence.

But Michele did not know this, even as he was almost hit by the fist that came swinging at his face.

\- There's no System to break.

\- ….How does he fight?

\- Don't tell me….he uses his instincts alone?

It was a shock to Michele. The man in a bartender suit seemed to have no real trained fighting skill – but his instincts were so good and coupled with his strength, he made a more than worthy opponent to any who dared cross him.

Had he not been who he was, his omniscience giving him the title of The God of Battle, Michele would have had all his bones broken by now by The God of Destruction.

For Shizuo had aimed at all the delicate parts of his body's joints. The most vulnerable points of a human body. The pressure points.

\- He's not a martial artist, so how does he know where the pressure points are?

\- He seems to be randomly swinging and yet it's as if he's aiming to hit my pressure points.

\- ….Are his instincts that good?

\- If so, this man…..

\- Is terrifying.

Michele had hit him several times, a few blows even landing close to the man's pressure points, but the man in a bartender suit remained undamaged. If anything, the hits only made him angrier – especially as he couldn't seem to land a hit on the black haired man.

"WILL YOU JUST FUCKING STOP DODGING ALREADY AND LET ME HIT YOU ARGHHHHH?!"

"Maybe I will, if you stop aiming for my pressure points! That's fucking scary, bartender suit-san!"

"HAH? PRESSURE WHAT? THE FUCK IS THAT, UGH YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE FLEA! NO THE FLEA WILL BE THE WORST BECAUSE HE MAKES ME USE THE VIOLENCE I HATE BUT YOU'RE  _PISSING ME OFF!"_

"You  _hate_   _violence?_  Is that supposed to be some joke, bartender suit-san?! You're being very violent right now! Haha what are you, an angel with a shotgun?"

\- I have a feeling if I get hit the impact will be worse than a shotgun….!

\- ….Shit, going to this extent to protect the information broker...

\- Still, rather than an angel with a shotgun, it's like that man himself is a shotgun

\- ...And here I thought it would be an easy job!

Michele thought frantically as he avoided Shizuo's violent attacks, sweat trailing down his face.

"HAH?! THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING, I AIN'T NO ANGEL! NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME HIT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

At this moment, a ballistic knife came flying, and Shizuo jerked his head back, the tip of the knife scraping against his chin.

"YOU BASTARD! STILL HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH, EH?!"

"I'm not that easy to defeat, Heiwajima-san."

Luciano said with a slight smile, but the look in his eyes was serious.

He knew not to interfere when Michele was in close combat, but from the looks of it, Michele had failed.

For the first time.

\- If my speed and Michele's gunshots have no effect on him, and Michele can't break his system –

\- Is it possible….that there's no way to defeat him?

\- And it's not only his strength – it's the way he fights;

\- His instincts are superhuman, just like his strength

\- Then….how is it Orihara Izaya whom Heiwajima Shizuo calls the flea…..

\- How is it he's still alive?

\- How can he survive being this man's enemy?

\- He looks nowhere as strong as him.

\- Though Heiwajima-san isn't exactly muscular either….

"….YOU REALLY HAVE A DEATH WISH, DON'T YOU?!"

As if the flying  _knife_  had reminded him he had no weapon in hand, Shizuo dashed with surprising speed to the nearest public property.

The assassins stared as the man in a bartender suit tore the signpost off the ground with one hand –

"Luce."

"Yeah."

The signpost was thrown like a projectile, swooshing past their faces.

And then a vending machine came next – at least that was what Luciano thought the big rectangle in the air with drinks staring in his face was –

And it was indeed a vending machine as it crashed to the ground behind him and Luciano moved to avoid the dangerous glass pieces scattered through the air.

"No wonder the labels on vending machines warn they can cause serious injury or death!"

Luciano was in too much shock to even smile.

_CRASH_

"Damn it, I should have brought my shotgun!"

"I don't think even your shotgun could damage him."

"Oh man, what do we do?!"

"Survive."

Luciano said, not knowing public property could be so dangerous –

That they could be used as  _weapons_.

\- No wonder the Boss told  _us_  to stay far away from him.

\- This guy is insane.

As if using public property as weapons wasn't enough, Shizuo was now at a tree, his hands around the tree trunk –

"D-Don't tell me….!"

 

 

Luciano wasn't sure what sound a tree made as it was being uprooted, but whatever sound it was, he was hearing it now.

The sight was so surreal and impossible that even if he had been able to damage the man in a bartender suit, his feet were rooted to the ground as the tree had its roots torn out from the ground, and he was too stunned to move.

It was as if he had exchanged places with the tree.

It was as if his brain had short circuited at the lack of logic and pure insanity happening before him, and his motor functions were malfunctioning.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing, Luciano?!"

Luciano wanted to reply, but his vocal cords were malfunctioning as well.

"I'd take that as a yes! HOLY -"

First a bench, and now the man in a bartender suit was holding a tree above his head.

Luciano and Michele shared a quick glance that spelled 'Oh Shit'.

And then the tree was in the air, and they were running to the middle to avoid being crushed by the huge tree, the branches barely scraping their suits and tearing off pieces of cloth.

But Luciano realized too late.

The tree had been a mere decoy.

For as they barely escaped the tree, there was something familiar looking emerging from the dust which shrouded their vision.

Something was swinging at him.

He only realized it was the lamppost that had been innocently standing by providing light for their fight, when it hit him and it felt like his ribs and several bones had been broken -

"GOOOOOO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

That was the last thing the assassins heard as they flew past the stars in the night sky.

"FLEA IS MINE!"

Shizuo bellowed after the human shooting stars as he gripped the lamppost like a baseball bat –

"TO KILL!"

 

 

 

 

It was only when a few moments passed in silence that the man in a bartender suit returned to his senses. He blinked, then scoffed and let the lamppost crash to the ground, digging in his pocket for a cigarette.

"How troublesome. I wasted so much time!"

The blond man said to himself in frustration as he lighted his cigarette. He put it to his lips and inhaled, calming himself down with the smoke in his system.

"….Tch! It's all that stupid, careless flea's fault! Pissing off some Mafia Boss….greedy bastard can't even stick to Japan's underworld can he?"

"And – I HATE VIOLENCE! I REALLY HATE VIOLENCE AND BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKING FLEA, I HAD TO USE IT! HE'S NOT EVEN HERE AND HE FUCKING MADE ME USE THE VIOLENCE I HATE! ARGHHH I AM GOING TO KILL HIM! KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!

Shizuo yelled to the night air as he walked away from the fallen tree and lampost. His eyes roamed their gaze, and stopped.

He walked over, and picked up the miraculously undamaged sunglasses from the ground. He turned it over in his hand to be sure there really was no damage, then hooked them onto his bartender shirt.

"….Good thing it's not broken."

Shizuo sighed in relief. Puffing on his cigarette, he strolled along the desolated area, as if he had not just sent two assassins flying through the sky to who knows where.

"Where to go now – well home of course –"

He paused. He was reminded at that moment that he had broken the information broker of Shinjuku's door.

"….Well it's not like I care. And it's not as if anyone will – there aren't any more assassins right?"

"…."

"…ARGHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!"

An owl in a nearby tree hooted in fright and flew off into the night, but Shizuo didn't know this. He was busy pacing around the ground, gritting his teeth and crushing the cigarette he had tossed onto the ground.

"NOW I'M CONFUSED! WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO?! THE FLEA REALLY SCREWS EVERYTHING UP – I'M GONNA KILL HIM OVER AND OVERRRRRRRR!"

Any night time insects that had been brave enough to linger around during the destructive fight had by now fled at the Monster of Ikebukuro's roar in Shinjuku.

Apparently Shinjuku wasn't as safe a place as they had thought.

"Um Sir, can you be quiet please –"

"HAH?!"

"EEEEEK! NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL!"

The unfortunate passerby who had been walking along the area screamed in fright and fled once he saw blond hair and a bartender suit, wondering why the Monster of Ikebukuro was in Shinjuku.

Seeing a human fleeing, a black cat followed the human's example, turning and running away from the dangerous presence.

Once both animals and humans had fled from him, Shizuo seemed to calm down. He stopped abruptly, inhaling slowly, and spoke to himself –

"Argh I am so PISSED OFF - BUT it would be a fucking waste if I just leave that bastard alone, who knows what shit he's got himself mixed up into."

Shizuo stomped onto the ground in frustration, producing a crack in asphalt. He exhaled, then walked heavily forward, some of his steps heavy stomps that left a series of uneven cracks in the ground behind him, as if a minor earthquake had rocked the ground.

"Tch! That bastard better be safe. Or I'd have wasted my time for nothing -"

Suddenly he stopped. The atmosphere around him seemed to become more dangerous, as a feral grin crossed his lips.

"Actually, I can just kill him! Since I'm in Shinjuku already. Then I wouldn't have to worry about any other bastard killing him!"

Shizuo was proud of himself for coming up with such a fantastic idea. As he walked, he felt like grinning all the way to the flea's apartment in Shinjuku, until an image flashed in his mind.

An image of a sleeping flea.

In front of his face.

_CLANG_

A second lamppost in the area fell to the ground by Shizuo's strength. His hair covering his eyes, Shizuo yelled to the night air –

"ARGHHHHH I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM THEN! I SHOULD HAVE –"

"….But I couldn't. Because he didn't look like the flea and all and -!"

"He….took care of me. Sort of. I was the one who caused him trouble this time – even though it was him who pissed me off in the first place!"

Shizuo turned his face away to hide his embarrassment even though there was no one to see him. He withdrew his fist, clenched it then moved forward, brushing his hair away from his eyes in annoyance, muttering to himself as he headed towards the apartment of the information broker of Shinjuku.

"Anyway I can't kill a guy in his sleep. ….Even if it's the shitty flea...right."

"…..ARGHHHHHHHH! THAT BASTARD REALLY DOES SCREW EVERYTHING UPPPPPPPP! SHOULD I KILL HIM OR NOOOOOOOT?!"

Needless to say, the dilemma would continue until the man in a bartender suit reached the information broker's apartment in Shinjuku.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Current time, an apartment in Shinjuku**

Shizuo sighed in frustration as he held the flea who seemed to snuggle into him.

"…."

He wasn't a heartless bastard like Izaya and didn't have the heart to kill the flea after the flea's unconscious confession.

Or leave the lonely man.

He owed the flea anyway. And it would be hypocritical for him as a debt collector to not repay his debt.

Sort of.

Just for today.

Or tomorrow. Whatever.

Was it past midnight? He hadn't checked the time.

Anyway, neither was he a man who would kill another man in his sleep.

He wasn't a coward like the flea.

Silence reigned in the bedroom, leaving the man in a bartender suit alone with the sleeping information broker who was still alive, and his conflicting feelings and thoughts.

Shizuo wasn't a liar like Izaya, so he would admit to himself it was nice to hold someone close, even if it was the flea.

And it was nice to have someone want to be close to him, Ikebukuro's Monster –

Regardless of the person's gender -

And even if it was the flea.

Who suddenly didn't seem like an annoying insect but a normal human.

"….You really screw everything up, don't you?"

For once, the flea didn't answer him with his shitty words, but with his soft breathing.

"….."

Shizuo scoffed, growling the next words under his breath -

"I'm going to kill Simon tomorrow."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Somewhere in Tokyo**

 

"Luciano?"

"Y….Yeah?"

"You alright?"

"I'll….survive."

"Oh. Hey at least we weren't separated. He was kind enough to send us flying together!"

Silence.

"….And well he did send us a warning."

"I see the origin for the saying, 'A flea disturbs a lion more than a lion can ever disturb a flea'."

"Yeah. Still, I'm curious why that lion is at the flea's place…."

"Guess today isn't our lucky day."

"Night you mean."

Another bout of silence.

"…My dearest Luci?"

"What? And  _don't_  call me that. I'm in great pain and am in no mood. And my pride isn't faring any better."

"Right. Mine isn't either. Lucia."

"Do you want to die?"

"OH no, now that I know how painful almost dying is, I don't think I want to die."

"….It was a rhetorical question, Mich."

"Oops. Anyway….what's the ambulance number for Japan again?"

"…."

"Ow!"

"Idiot."

"Oh hey you're quite close after all, good 'cause I don't think I can even crawl…."

"Whatever."

"….Well?"

"….I don't know either."

"….We're both idiots. Dead idiots. We are soooooo dead."

"Well how would I know the man in a bartender suit would be there?!"

"Chill Luce, I didn't know either. Well we'll just call Boss!"

"….Do you want to die? And I mean it literally this time."

"Hey you have a better idea? If we don't, we really are going to die! And I still don't want to die!"

"…."

Silence, then weak, gurgled chuckling.

"Looks like we're gonna join Boss in the hospital."

"He is going to be so mad."

"Haha yeah! We might as well bleed to death here."

"Let's hope we don't land in the same room as him."

The chuckles of one man turned nervous.

"Hey….Luciano?"

"….What is it?"

"Don't kill me….but I think my phone just ran out of battery."

"I won't kill you….because I left my phone back at the hotel."

"…"

"Born in the first hours of light, Died in the last hours of night."

"Oi oi Luciano, now you're starting to worry me! And I'm in no state to worry! What the hell's with that?"

"My name. Luciano – Born in the first hours of light. Haha! Fitting, isn't it? It rhymes in English."

"Alright now I'm really worried. Snap out of it man! This is no time for your stupid poems!"

"It's not stupid. It's original. Born in the First Hours of Light, Died in the Last Hours of Night. If only I could have that engraved on my gravestone – hey. Michele darling, would you -"

"Michele darling?! Say that again and I might just faint dead away! And it's Mi-Kee-Lee, you just called me a girl's name again, didn't you?!"

"But Michelle sounds prettier –"

"Shut up, you're hysterical! And I doubt I'll survive to get your stupid poem engraved on your gravestone. Actually if we die here would we even have gravestones?! Tch! There's got to be something –"

_Vrooooooooom_

"-Something?"

"Something indeed."

 

The darkness was lit up by a light. It came from a black motorbike. Both men watched as a figure, with a yellow helmet that reflected off the light, descended from the motorbike.

It made its way towards them, then held up a PDA.

[You two….you're foreigners aren't you?]

"How do you know?"

[I saw two people flying in the air from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro. Are you those two?]

"Wow….we're in Ikebukuro? We sure flew far."

The figure dressed in all black with a yellow helmet seemed to shake its head, before it flashed its PDA again.

[You pissed off the man in a bartender suit, didn't you?]

"….Yeah we did."

"Hey Luce what's the guy saying? Who is he anyway?"

"Guy on a black motorbike. Rumored to be headless."

"The Headless Rider?!"

"Yeah he asked if we pissed off the man in a bartender suit."

"…Yeah we sure did. But how does he know?"

"I guess because he often sends people flying through the air."

Luciano said blandly in his native language to his clueless companion who could not read the Hiragana and Kanji on the PDA. He spoke to the figure with a yellow helmet in polite Japanese.

"Sorry, but would you mind helping us get medical attention? We're bleeding quite badly I think."

[…I can take you to a doctor I know. Usually I wouldn't help those who pissed Shizuo off, but you two are foreigners. You couldn't have known any better.]

Luciano didn't say anything, there was no need to tell the truth when a lie could save their lives.

"Yeah we didn't know bartender suits were so dangerous in Tokyo. We did hear rumors, but we heard he was in Ikebukuro, not Shinjuku."

The figure seemed to start a little, before its helmet nodded and it flashed another message.

[True….circumstances were different today, you couldn't have known. Alright, I will help you two. Get on.]

The rider rumoured to be headless gestured, getting on the motorbike. The two men forced themselves up from the bloody ground and walked in as stable a manner as they could.

"At least I know my spine isn't broken."

Michele commented in relief and Luciano couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Though I think everything else is broken."

"Stop talking, you're wasting what could be your last breaths."

"So are you."

Even rolling his eyes would cause pain, so Luciano resisted the urge. They got onto the motorbike, and Michele spoke.

"Hey uh, rider-san. Thanks. You're a nice guy."

[It's no problem]

The figure in black replied after a while, then typed another message –

[Just don't piss off the man in a bartender suit again. If you value your lives]

"He says to not piss off the man in a bartender suit."

"Ah. Yeah. We know that now."

"You have my appreciation as well. Thank you very much."

Luciano bowed his head towards the headless rider, who gave him a nod in return, then turned forward.

_Screeeeeeeech_

 

"Hey Luciano?"

Michele spoke as if he had a sudden epiphany.

"Yeah?"

Michele adjusted his hat which had miraculously remained on his head, then spoke.

"I just realized…..the world is a big place."

"….Yeah it sure is."

"I'm never going to underestimate bartender suits again."

"…Hm."

"I thought I was strong enough. But after all, there's always someone stronger than you. So I'm gonna get stronger so there'll be less people stronger than me."

"You're not the only one."

 

The black vehicle zoomed through the night, bearing the two renowned Italian Mafia assassins who had gotten the brunt of the clandestine danger in Tokyo.


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

**In which the Information Broker Experiences the Morning After and the Debt Collector Attempts to Repay His Debt**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya woke up alone the next morning in a warm bed.

"….."

For once, he was relieved.

It had just been a dream.

Last night, he had said things.

Things he would never, ever say when he was actually conscious.

But it was last night in a dream.

Izaya grinned widely, laughed to himself for even thinking it could have been anything but a dream, slipped off the bed and skipped off through two open doors to the bathroom, pushing open the door –

And abruptly came face to face with a tall blond with his naked chest dripping wet and only a towel around his waist.

"Oh flea. You're awake."

Izaya stared. Shizuo blinked.

"Hey, you –ow."

_SLAM_

"WHAT THE  _HELL, FLEA_?!"

It took Izaya a few seconds to find his vocal cords to scream back through the door.

"WHAT THE HELL, SHIZU-CHAN?! DON'T' SHOW ME YOUR DISGUSTING NAKED MONSTER BODY FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY?!"

"THE FUCK?! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PUSHED OPEN THE DOOR! I JUST FINISHED BATHING AND YOU BARGE IN! WHO'S DISRUPTING WHOSE PRIVACY HERE HUH?!""

"WHO SAID YOU COULD USE MY BATHROOM?!"

"ME, SINCE YOU CLUNG TO ME IN BED YESTERDAY NIGHT LIKE A FUCKING FLEA AND I HAD TO GET RID OF YOUR DISGUSTING FLEA GERMS!"

Izaya's face burned, but he didn't relent. He inhaled, then yelled.

"You stay in there! Don't you dare come out until I'm out of this room! My eyes are scarred, scarred, you monster!"

"Tch! What are you, a girl?! Wouldn't be a surprise with that fucking skinny body of yours! Whatever, hurry the fuck up, fucking flea!"

Izaya glared through the door at Shizuo for insulting his masculinity, then strode heavily out of the open door with a growl.

"Oi flea! You out yet?!"

"Yeah!"

Izaya shouted back, then took hold of the doorknob and slammed the door closed. He turned and looked forward with a sigh, only to be met with another surprise.

His door was on the floor.

The door to his apartment was on the floor.

The door to his apartment was on the floor, near his desk.

"….."

Izaya inhaled slowly, then turned and shouted through the bathroom door.

"Heiwajima Shizuo what the hell did you to my DOOR?!"

"SHUT UP! I'LL EXPLAIN LATER!"

"YOU BETTER! YOU OWE ME, YOU MONSTER!"

"TCH! I SAID I'D EXPLAIN LATER,  _DIDN'T I?!"_

"Tch!"

Izaya gave his own scoff, scowling as he leaned against the door, his mind already sorting out the repair cost for his door – in addition to the possibility of reinforcement of a steel enforced structure that could better withstand the monster's inhuman strength.

"This is what I get for bringing a monster home."

"…Not that I had any choice."

Izaya muttered bitterly to himself. He glared at nothing in particular, resenting the monster for ruining his morning.

Unfortunately, his mind chose that moment to remind him of the memory of yesterday night. Of being half-conscious and seeing a Shizuo who still seemed to be drunk and had chosen to stay with him –

Izaya blushed.

Not that he knew he was blushing, to him, his face just felt unusually warm as he was for once unhappy with his perfect memory.

"That idiot protozoan! He tricked me! I thought he was still drunk!"

Izaya said in frustration, for Shizuo had yelled about him clinging to him yesterday night, which meant he couldn't have been still drunk at that time if he remembered such a thing.

"Not that I wanted to say those things – it was just unconscious – I mean, why would I ever want a monster to stay? Makes no sense at all."

Izaya reasoned to himself, even though there was no one but himself who was accusing him of wanting to say the things he had said last night.

"That's right, it was a one time thing, damn monster caught me in my moment of….well my guard down. Because I thought he was still drunk! I mean, I subconsciously thought he was still drunk, because I wasn't actually conscious –"

"FLEA QUIT YAPPING TO YOURSELF I CAN HEAR YOU FROM HERE!"

"S-SHUT UP!"

Izaya yelled the only thing he could think of, embarrassed that he had spoken his thoughts out loud even though he hadn't intended to –

He just didn't expect the monster to be eavesdropping, that's all.

And he was even further embarrassed because Shizuo didn't sound angry like he was supposed to be, he had sounded amused as if he was roaring with laughter at Izaya inside his own head.

Deciding reasoning to himself that he hadn't intended or wanted to say those things he had said, was turning to be counterproductive, Izaya inhaled, counted to five, and let out his breath.

 

It was no use thinking of the past, now he had to focus on the present –

Which had a monster occupying it.

Izaya fumed silently, resisting the urge to stomp his foot on the ground like a child with a tantrum.

\- Tch can't he just go away? Or better yet, die?

But Izaya hated a monster who couldn't die, and so he continued in his annoyance and frustration at the monster occupying his present –

And now his apartment.

Or to be precise, his bathroom.

His bathroom.

Not to mention the monster had used his shower. His  _shower_. The place where he was supposed to get rid of dirt was now polluted with the monster's germs.

And so were his bedsheets.

Izaya scowled in disgust. Now he had to throw away those bedsheets and he couldn't even make the monster do it for it would be missing the point.

\- This is so unfair. Why do  _I_  have to house a monster?

Izaya pouted unhappily at his frustrating thoughts. He allowed himself to fall back against his bathroom door –

And promptly found himself falling back into empty space.

Eyes widening, Izaya flailed for a moment, before his wrists were caught and he was pulled up against a hard chest.

"Damn flea, what the hell are you doing? If you wanted to fall that much and hit your head you could have just asked nicely. I'd slam your head against the ground, how does that sound hm?"

"It's your fault for opening the door so suddenly."

Izaya spat, turning his head to glare at Shizuo who was grinning in amusement.

"Now let me go, I've had enough of your monster germs."

"…No I don't think I will."

"What?"

Izaya stared. Shizuo was smirking. He pulled Izaya closer to him, until he could feel Shizuo's hard chest against his back.

"I think I like you like this, flea. Hah! So out of control and  _angry_. How does it feel, huh?"

Izaya wanted to strangle Shizuo with his bare hands. But his wrists were captured and he knew he was no match against the monster's strength.

So he settled for glaring and scowling –

"What do you want?"

"Hm? Nothing really."

"If you want nothing then let me go! Right, Now!"

Izaya emphasized his words with a jerk of his wrists which Shizuo had a hold of.

"Nah."

Shizuo replied simply, and Izaya stomped on his foot. Hard.

"….Don't do that again if you don't want me to break your leg."

Shizuo said calmly. Izaya stilled, then sighed in resignation.

"You can't hold me here forever."

Izaya said, trying to reason with the illogical monster who wasn't capable of logic.

"Want to test that out?"

Izaya forced himself not to move at the monster's breath on his ear. He shivered inwardly in disgust at the wet locks of blond hair brushing against his neck.

"I've finally caught you, in your own apartment no less. What makes you think I'm gonna let you go, huh?"

 

_I am getting way too careless._

Izaya was annoyed at himself. But more at Shizuo because the monster's presence was making him lose his control.

He hated the position Shizuo had him in, hated how he was drawn up against the brute's chest and forced to stay there as his wrists were captured in Shizuo's inhuman grip.

He hated being so helpless and powerless. In his own territory, no less.

If there was one thing he could even be glad for was that he only felt something hard against his upper back and  _not_  his lower back.

That would have been too mortifying to consider.

Izaya shuddered at the thought, and quickly banished it away.

"Look Shizu-chan, there's no use keeping me here, right? Why don't you let me go, and so we can talk this out like reasonable men?"

"Hmmmm?" Shizuo replied, his breath on Izaya's neck.

Wait.

Neck?

Izaya prided himself on not shrieking like a girl, he merely gave a very manly gasp as Shizuo nuzzled his neck as if he was still drunk.

"Wait. Wait! What are you doing, Shizu-chan?! Didn't I say no nuzzling – wait you aren't even drunk – OW!"

Izaya's cry was because Shizuo had bitten his neck. He gave his most scorching glare towards the blond with sharp teeth.

"What the hell was that for, Shizu-chan?! What are you, a vampire?! What's with your obsession with my neck – don't you hate my smell?!"

"Tch vampire? You're the bloodsucker here, flea. And your neck's sensitive, unlike the rest of you, shitty flea. And if I touch this sensitive part here you get annoyed and less shitty. Maybe even cute."

"Cute? Do you want to die –ngh!"

To Izaya's horror, Shizuo had trailed his tongue over the smooth skin of his neck. Izaya's wrists trembled.

"I said stop it, you monster! Let me go!"

"Shut up. I'm wondering what my drunk self found so interesting about this shitty piece of skin. Tch it's really smooth….though it still belongs to a shitty flea."

"You bastard!"

Izaya didn't think he could be even more horrified until Shizuo made a low sound, a half groan half growl and pulled him closer, his monster teeth scraping against his neck.

"Shut up….you're noisy. Food don't talk."

"Food?! Shizu-chan! My neck isn't food – ah!"

Shizuo didn't seem to be listening to him at all, instead choosing to violate his neck with his mouth and tongue. Izaya bit his lip hard so no weird noises would escape, as he felt his body heat up against his volition.

"You…damn beast!"

"Mmmn….Izaya…"

And then Izaya jolted as his worst fear in the situation came true and he felt something unpleasantly hard poking him.

He swallowed a shriek and decided to use his energy to thrash against the monster holding him captive instead, kicking back against the man in a bartender suit.

"Are you crazy, Shizu-chan?! How could you – are you that deprived -?!"

"Don't know what you're talking about, now for the last time shut up, or your neck will start to taste bad."

 

 

Heat rushed through Izaya's body. He was beginning to feel weak. In order to not let the situation end up like one of Karisawa Erika's insane scenarios, he inhaled, and with all his might, brought his foot down onto the monster's foot.

There was no gasp of pain from the monster, instead his vision spun and when it was stable again, he realized he had been slammed against the wall as Shizuo pinned him, glaring at him as if he wanted to break all his bones.

"The fuck, flea?! You can't just not piss me off, CAN YOU?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Izaya said snidely, though it was somewhat undermined by the breathlessness in his voice. "But now that you seem back to your senses, can you let me go? My wrists really hurt."

"Hell no."

Izaya's face fell, but he soon gathered himself.

"Then, is this how you repay me?"

"Huh?"

"You might not remember, but you caused me a lot of trouble yesterday night, Shizu-chan. Of course, I'm a generous man even to a monster like you, so I'm not demanding anything in compensation. But I would at least like you to not molest me first thing in the morning, don't you think?"

"MOLESTING?! I WASN'T –"

"Is that so. Then tell me, if you licked and sucked and bit a woman's neck, would it be called molesting?"

"….Uh….I guess so? But what does that have to do –"

"Yes yes I'm not a woman, I'm sure even your protozoic brain can comprehend that. The point is, you don't just do such – intimate and sensual things to a person's neck! Especially if they're against it! And no, I don't care how good my neck tastes, you beast! My neck isn't food! So won't you let me go already?!"

Izaya gave his best glare from where he was pinned against the wall.

"Or is this how you repay your debt? Huh, debt collector Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"…..Tch!"

To Izaya's great relief, his wrists were finally released. He kept his gaze on Shizuo's face, ignoring the way Shizuo seemed to be staring at his neck with an almost longing look.

"….Shizu-chan."

"Hmm?"

In case Shizuo would become unpredictable and decide to lunge for his neck again, Izaya snapped his fingers in front of the brute's face.

"Stop staring! It's disgusting. My eyes are up here, you brute."

"Ah yeah…."

Izaya scowled and grabbed his shirt, pulling the neckline up to cover his neck from the monster's hungry gaze. He watched as Shizuo looked for a moment disappointed as if he had been denied a sweet dessert, then finally raised his gaze to meet Izaya's eyes.

"What, flea?"

"Would you kindly move aside you beast, and stop barricading my way?"

"….."

Shizuo tilted his head like a kid still waiting for his candy, but eventually moved out of the way. Izaya sighed as he felt as if he could breathe properly again.

He strode past the man in a bartender suit, speaking tersely.

"I'm going to take a bath. When I'm out you better be gone, monster."

"Can't."

Izaya whirled, but Shizuo was just looking at him with an honest gaze.

"What?"

"I said I can't. I have to repay my debt, don't I?"

"Oh no. You don't have to really."

Izaya said quickly, not wanting the monster in his house for a moment longer.

But Shizuo stayed stubborn.

"Shut up. I have to, shitty flea. I'm not like you, even though it's you, I have to make up for causing you trouble. Tch what kind of debt collector would I be if I didn't repay my debt?"

Shizuo snorted at the notion Izaya had brought up then turned his gaze to Izaya again.

"Go take a shower flea, you stink. I'll prepare breakfast."

And then the man in a bartender suit walked away towards the stairs, and Izaya could do nothing but stare for a while, then turn and walk into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

 

"First I have to deal with that brute's morning sexual frustration or should I say deprivation, and now I have to deal with his presence for potentially the whole day."

Izaya said tiredly, leaning his head back against the door. He scowled unhappily at the warmth of his body, as he realized his state.

"Tch. How disgusting. I need a cold shower."

Izaya muttered to himself as he gathered his clothes and towel and headed to the bathroom, glaring as best as he could at the marks the monster had left on his once perfect, unblemished neck.

"Stupid beast."

He spent half an hour washing his neck with his strongest soap in the shower.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Izaya emerged from the bathroom, his hair slightly damp and his pride fixed, he heard Shizuo's voice.

"Oi flea, this guy's here to see you."

Izaya blinked. The man downstairs turned his gaze to him. He seemed to be afraid of the monster of Ikebukuro smoking on his couch.

"….Shizu-chan put that cigarette out, no smoking in my apartment."

Izaya said tersely as he descended the stairs. He had completely forgotten about his appointment – how could he forget? Because the monster was unpredictable as usual and was messing up his head.

Izaya grumbled inwardly at the presence of a monster during his appointment with one of his humans, but he flashed a smile at the human.

"Hey. Nozomu-san, right? What can I do for you?"

"I- that is –"

The man's eyes were screaming, 'Why is the man in a bartender suit here?!'

Izaya sighed. Inwardly.

"Oh don't worry, he's harmless," Izaya waved a hand at the silent Shizuo who was staring at the man with his sharp eyes.

"Shizu-chan can you go away? You're scaring my client."

"Tch. Like hell." Shizuo scoffed and Izaya turned to look at the annoyance on his features.

"What if he's here to kill you? You're mine to kill."

"….He's a client, Shizu-chan." Izaya was practicing his patience with the illogical monster. "He's not here to kill me."

"Tch guys like him always have some hidden motive."

"…."

 

Izaya inhaled deeply.

"Nozomu-san, do have a seat."

"R-Right….or actually, I can always come back another time Orihara-san."

"Oh no, please do have a  _seat_."

"….Y-Yes."

Shizuo cocked his head at the information broker who was approaching him.

"What – hey!"

Izaya smiled as he crushed the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.

"Shizu-chan weren't you supposed to prepare breakfast?"

"What breakfast –"

"'You said, 'Go take a shower flea, you stink. I'll prepare breakfast'. Didn't you?"

"Uh….yeah?"

"So, aren't you supposed to be in the kitchen and not smoking on my couch and scaring my client?"

"Tch, I was about to make breakfast when this guy came in. If you think I'm leaving you've got another thing coming –"

"Shizuo do you want to pay for my broken door?"

"….No?"

Shizuo voiced almost hesitantly at the look in Izaya's eyes.

"Right, then shouldn't you be in the kitchen right this moment? Preparing  _breakfast?"_

 _"_ Breakfast can be done later –"

"Shouldn't you?"

"….Fine."

Shizuo said reluctantly. Izaya was acting in a way that made him almost feel apprehensive, so he got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen, turning his head with one last glare at the terrified human.

"When I finish your damn breakfast flea, that guy better be gone."

"Of course, Shizu-chan."

"….Tch! Stupid guy barging in and disturbing my peace."

With that said, the monster of Ikebukuro lumbered into the kitchen.

 

\- Breakfast? Heiwajima Shizuo? They're a couple?!

\- Just what have I gotten myself into?!

The man watched as the information broker turned, then smiled sharply at him, sending a shiver down his spine.

"My apologies for his rudeness. He's such an uncivilized brute, as you can see. His presence was unplanned. But don't worry, you're safe."

Izaya reassured in a tone that didn't seem to match the look in his eyes at all, as he sat down on the couch Shizuo had vacated, dropping the crushed cigarette into the ashtray he reserved for clients. He raised his gaze.

"Nozomu-san?"

"Yes….Orihara-san?"

"As you were saying over the phone, you suspect an employee to be using your company's funds for fraudulent means."

"Yes, that's right…."

Izaya moved to block the man's view of Ikebukuro's monster growling in the kitchen. He smiled politely at the inwardly panicking man.

"Nozomu-san, I would appreciate it if you would pay attention to me."

"Right yes, my apologies…."

\- This guy is scary!

\- That smile….!

\- He's scarier than my wife!

"Could this employee by any chance be Matsumoto Hiroto?"

"How do you know?"

"Why, I have my ways. I'm an information broker after all."

"Right….so as you know, I came for information, I would like you to do a background check on him –"

"Which I've already done. Turns out that Matsumoto-san is part of the Yakuza –"

_SLAM_

"YAKUZA?!"

The loud yell came from the kitchen, making the man squeak in fright. Izaya could have sworn the floor under his feet had rumbled.

"DAMN FLEA, WHAT YAKUZA? YOU'RE NOT GETTING INTO ANY SHIT WHILE I'M HERE REPAYING MY DEBT – YOU'VE CAUSED ME ENOUGH FUCKING TROUBLE ALREADY!"

"Shizu-chan, I associate with the Yakuza on a daily basis! Now stop eavesdropping you idiotic protozoan  _Shizuo_  and  _quietly_  prepare breakfast! And I have no idea why you're so concerned all of a sudden but this guy here is  _not_  from the Yakuza, if you could even eavesdrop properly, it's his employee who is a member of the Yakuza! And what trouble – you're the one causing me trouble here! Seriously, Heiwajima Shizuo!"

Izaya yelled in frustration in a half-rant, irritated at the interruptions by the unpredictable monster who had ruined his planned session with his client.

"..FINE! BUT I'M NOT SAVING YOUR ASS WHEN YOU GET YOURSELF INTO DEEP SHIT, SHITTY FLEA!"

"FINE! I CAN SAVE MY OWN ASS, AND SINCE WHEN HAVE  _YOU_  EVER SAVED MY ASS?! You're always hunting down my ass –  _not_  in that way, Nozomu-san!"

"I-I didn't say anything!"

Izaya scowled. Why the hell was that protozoan being so protective all of a sudden? Could it be after effects from his possessive behaviour when he had been drunk last night?

\- Shizu-chan is seriously worse than those boyfriends possessive over their girlfriends! And he isn't even drunk now!

\- Tch. Just what the hell does that monster think he's doing.

Izaya thought in irritation, unaware that the word 'Yakuza' had reminded Shizuo of the words a certain assassin had said to the man in a bartender suit while the information broker had been asleep.

"Uh, Orihara-san….?"

Izaya blinked himself back to reality. He resisted the urge to press his hand against his forehead.

It was as if he was the one experiencing a hangover.

The information broker inhaled, then replaced the scowl on his face with a genial smile, leaning his chin on his interlocked hands.

"As I was saying, Nozomu-san…."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  **Half an hour later**

 

"Oi flea, that guy gone?"

"Yes Shizu-chan, or have you suddenly gone blind?"

"Tch thought he might be hiding around somewhere."

Izaya inhaled for patience, and Shizuo spoke.

"By the way, Namie came by earlier."

"Eh?"

Shizuo looked at Izaya who was staring at him. "Your secretary. Namie, right?" He puffed on his cigarette. "She didn't seem surprised to see me. She asked me if I was staying. I told her I was, and she said to tell you she's taking today as a day off. Oh and we talked about stuff."

"….."

Izaya was annoyed. He had completely forgotten about Namie. He hadn't even noticed her lack of presence. He had been too annoyed by the monster in his apartment.

"What did you two talk about?"

Shizuo gave an annoyingly taunting smirk as he drawled, "Wouldn't you like to know."

Izaya twitched. As if Shizuo knew he was annoyed, he continued on, "We talked about you."

"What about me?"

"Guess." Shizuo puffed on his cigarette as he put the plates down.

"Why did you even talk to her anyway."

Izaya muttered, looking away. Shizuo looked at him in bemusement.

"Why else? 'Cause we both think you're a shitty bastard. Namie said she has no choice but to work with you, but she didn't tell me why. Tch, you blackmailed her didn't you?"

"I didn't blackmail her. And as for why, it's none of your business. And Namie? On first name basis already? Nice to know you two bonded over your hatred of me."

Izaya said, for there was no way he was going to tell Shizuo why. Celty was involved after all. He pulled out the chair and sat down.

"Yeah well everyone hates you, nothing surprising there."

"Of course, I'm a horrible person, I deserve to be hated."

"Glad you know, shitty flea."

"Yeah, yeah. Hey you didn't poison my breakfast did you?"

Izaya said, even as he took a bite of egg which was surprisingly not burnt and even good.

"Poison huh, well I might have taken and used the poison Namie offered me."

Izaya choked. He coughed, holding his throat, then glared at Shizuo. "What?! You –"

"Might – turns out I didn't. I didn't take it. I'm not like you, shitty flea." Shizuo said in clear amusement. He grinned, leaning his cheek on his hand.

"Man, this is so fun. Your reaction is so amusing. Since when were you so gullible?"

"Since when did you become like me?" Izaya spat, truly wondering when he and Shizuo had switched personalities.

"Don't ever compare me to you." The amusement was replaced by coldness and an eerie sort of calmness.

"…"

Izaya said nothing, he averted his gaze from Shizuo's piercing eyes and ate his breakfast silently.

 

Shizuo didn't say anything after that, he didn't even ask if his breakfast was good – for it was. Not that Izaya would ever tell Shizuo that. He was almost disappointed nothing in his kitchen was broken so the monster didn't have to pay for the damage for there was no damage.

Which meant that though Shizuo was a brute, he was surprisingly proficient in the kitchen. And painstakingly patient. Probably from practice from having to cook for himself from living alone. Nothing was burnt, everything was just the right taste. Izaya couldn't deny it for it was what the brute's cooking told him.

He wondered if Shizuo had asked Namie what he liked for breakfast, for the brute had served him exactly what he liked.

Izaya raised his gaze, and found Shizuo standing up from his chair. "Where are you going?"

"To put this out," Shizuo pointed at his cigarette, his gaze directed towards the ashtray on the table near the couches. Izaya blinked, and he said, "You don't like it, right? It would be rude of me to smoke at the breakfast table."

Izaya blinked again, watching as Shizuo walked past him.

For once, he didn't make any sarcastic remarks or taunts. Instead, he turned his attention back to consuming his breakfast.

For once, Shizuo hadn't insulted him in a sentence. Or called him a flea.

"…Idiot."

Izaya didn't notice he was smiling as he ate his breakfast.

 

 

 

"Hey Shizu-chan."

"What?"

"Don't you have work?"

"Huh?"

"You know, your job."

Izaya said slowly. He had finished breakfast and the silence felt too awkward.

Shizuo blinked, before his eyes lit up with realization.

"Oh that. I already messaged Tom-san, I told him I had a debt to pay. He said I could have the day off."

Shizuo shrugged as if that explained everything, and finished the rest of his breakfast. Izaya noticed it was different from his.

So Shizuo really had asked Namie what he wanted for breakfast. Izaya tried to ignore the little warmth in his heart at the fact.

"Right….Hey Shizu-chan?"

"What is it  _now_?"

"While I appreciate your attempt to repay your debt, you still haven't explained why my door is on the floor."

Izaya said, gesturing towards his door which was nowhere near the doorway.

Shizuo frowned and mumbled through his breakfast. "Aunostunremouretuhsusins."

"….What? What monster language are you speaking now, Shizu-chan?"

"…"

Shizuo swallowed his bread, then spoke again -

"Almost threw the door at assassins."

"Assassins?"

Shizuo gave him an annoyed glance. "And here I thought you were smart," he snorted, "Assassins. You know, people out to kill you?"

Izaya's mind whirled. There had been people out to kill him? The night before? Wait –

"Shizu-chan. You….saved me?"

Shizuo looked away. "Take it as you want." He said, standing up.

He paused. "Actually, take it as me repaying my debt for causing you trouble yesterday, even though it was you who caused me trouble in the first place." He scoffed.

"Right….but why did you have to dismantle my door? The repair cost isn't cheap you know!"

"Shut up, look at the place you stay in, you have lots of money, and I ain't paying for it, you owe me for being your temporary bodyguard anyway."

Shizuo said, but Izaya noticed he had turned his face away. He opened his mouth, and Shizuo continued –

"Curiosity killed the cat, fucking flea. So just shut up and be grateful, will you?!"

"…"

 

The realization hit Izaya then. That he would have died yesterday had Shizuo not been there. That he would have been killed in his sleep without even knowing. Or that he could have woken up with a knife being stabbed through his chest or a gunshot wound through his heart.

That he would have died – just like that. All for one careless mistake –

With the Italian mafia Boss. He recognized the cause now. He just hadn't thought the man was that powerful, that he would go so far as to have him dead even while he lay in the hospital.

Because no one had tried to assassinate him before, so he had let go of that possibility.

But he had been careless, too careless -

One miscalculation could have cost him his life.

"…Shizu-chan?"

"What flea?"

Shizuo said in annoyance. He had collected the plates and was walking to the kitchen.

"I -"

Izaya cleared his throat awkwardly, as if he was a shy student who had to introduce himself in front of the whole class when in fact he was just facing a man with his back turned to him.

"T-That is…."

"Spit it out, damn it! Why the hell are you acting so weird –"

"I-I just wanted to say thanks, okay?!" Izaya exclaimed, looking away.

"For protecting – no, saving….my life…."

For Izaya feared death which beheld nothingness, and treasured his life, and that was what Shizuo had done.

Saved him from death.

Even if it was the monster, he deserved at least a word of appreciation for his unpredictable stunt.

"…Tch. If that's all you wanted to say why the hell were you stuttering like some confessing schoolgirl?"

Shizuo muttered, still not looking at Izaya. But then he cleared his throat, and spoke slowly.

"Don't….mention it. Flea."

"….Can't you call me by my name for once."

Izaya said, as if he didn't actually expect Shizuo to reply. But the monster had to surprise him again.

"What? Tch fine.  _You're welcome_ , Izaya."

"…."

Shizuo had spoken the words formally as if they were strangers, with a tinge of sarcasm. Which was why Izaya didn't know why his face felt warm.

As if Shizuo had eyes on the back of his head, he turned, and blinked.

"…..Izaya, are you blushing?"

"What? Blushing? Why would I be blushing?" Izaya said smoothly, turning his face away. "You have a really weird imagination, Shizu-chan."

"….Anyway since you repaid your debt you can leave after you wash the dishes okay? You've occupied my apartment with your monstrous presence for long enough."

"…Oh no since my monstrous presence is causing you to lose control, I think I'd rather stay."

Izaya snapped his head up to see Shizuo's amused grin.

"I already told Tom-san I was taking the day off after all to  _repay my debt_. Looks like you're stuck with me for a whole day,  _Izaya."_

_"….!"_

Izaya wished he had Shizuo's strength so that he could throw the table at Shizuo. But he didn't, so had to settle for glaring daggers instead, as Shizuo laughed and continued on his way to the kitchen.

"Tch! So unpredictable."

Izaya scoffed, glaring after the monster and hoping he would break the plates so he could make him pay for the damage.

"This is why I hate him."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Shizuo says "You're welcome", he's using a formal expression, Douitashimashite (どういたしまして ). This can connote respect from the speaker. Shizuo using it with Izaya's first name instead of his last name Orihara is ironic, since "You're welcome" is said politely and formally, but the use of it with 'Izaya' instead of 'Orihara' is informal, especially without a honorific. Compared to when Shizuo said, "Don't mention it.", 問題ない (mondai nai), it's much more respectful. Mondai nai is something like 'It was no problem/Don't mention it'. It's casual and informal, but can also be seen as the speaker brushing off the gratitude - especially with Shizuo's tone when talking to Izaya.
> 
> Izaya was truly grateful towards Shizuo for saving his life, which was why he was down when Shizuo just brushed his gratitude off and called him a flea again. But then Shizuo said "You're welcome." Douitashimashite (どういたしまして ) - and he gets embarrassed because it's the first time Shizuo actually showed him any respect, even if it's slightly sarcastic. Especially as it's Shizuo who always uses informal speech, and rude/offensive speech when with Izaya.
> 
> Oh and when Izaya called Shizuo 'Shizuo' instead of the usual 'Shizu-chan' when he was pissed off he's mocking his name, Shizuo means 'Quiet Hero' (Heiwajima Shizuo means Quiet Hero on a Peaceful Island) and Shizuo wasn't being very quiet then. So he's essentially asking Shizuo (静雄) to quietly (Shizuka ni 静かに) prepare breakfast. Or just be more quiet since 静かに can also mean "Be quiet." Shizuka is also a common Japanese girl's name, so maybe Izaya is insinuating for Shizuo to be like a 'Shizuka' in preparing breakfast/be more docile? Hmm. I guess it could be seen that way...not that Shizuo will listen to Izaya though. Poor Izaya must really be pissed off to throw three stones at Shizuo with his pun. Of course, this is Shizuo we're talking about and it'd take more than three stones to hurt him.
> 
> Izaya is kinda OOC I know but hey he's never spent time with Shizuo except to provoke him and make him chase him so it is a situation he is unused to lol. Also in the novels he's annoyed at the mere mention of Shizuo. And it does say 'The Annoyed Flea' ~


	9. Chapter 9

 

In which Shizuo Acquaints Himself with Technology, Izaya has Broken Ribs and Grocery Lists are Long Lived

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Monster of Ikebukuro was in his debt, and so Izaya thought it must be the irony in the world that there was little he could make Heiwajima Shizuo actually do.

He couldn't make Shizuo wash his clothes, for he didn't want his clothes ruined by the monster's touch.

He could make Shizuo cook, but he had already done that and his cooking was actually good.

He couldn't make Shizuo clean the bookshelves, because he might discover Celty's head.

He was tempted to make Shizuo clean the house, but he didn't want to risk Shizuo cleaning the bookshelves as well when Izaya was not paying attention and discovering Celty's head.

The only thing he could actually do was get Shizuo to go grocery shopping which he had already done. For he sure as hell couldn't make Shizuo deliver his information for him, he didn't want to lose clients because they feared Ikebukuro's Monster. Although it would be amusing to see the monster doing his, as he said, 'dirty work' for him.

Izaya sneezed. Shizuo was out getting the groceries, so he was alone in the apartment, since Namie had declared her own day off.

Well, at least getting the groceries was sure to piss the monster off. Especially when he realized Izaya had sent him all over Shinjuku to get groceries from different department stories when he could have just gotten everything on the list at the supermarket near Shinjuku station.

Izaya looked at the time on his computer. Shizuo had been out for almost an hour.

Perhaps Shizuo had indeed realized and was pissed off.

Izaya smiled happily at the thought. He sent the email to a client, then turned to his other computer.

 

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Kanra-san?

 _Kanra  
_ Sorry sorry, I was a little busy with something~

 _Saika  
_ Are you alright, Kanra-san?

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Yeah, you seem a little distracted.

 _Kanra  
_ Awww, are you worried about me, my lovelies? Don't worry, I'm fine ( ^ー^ ) ~

_Setton-san has just joined the chat._

_Setton  
_ Good afternoon, everyone!

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Good afternoon, Setton-san!

 _Saika  
_ Good afternoon.

 _Kanra  
_ Good afternoon Setton-san! You're surprisingly late today. ( ﾟoﾟ)

 _Setton  
_ Ah, I had an errand to run….

 _Setton  
_ So….what were you guys talking about?

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Nothing much really….although I saw something shocking yesterday.

 _Saika  
_ Are you talking about that?

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Yeah….If he was still here with us he would be pretty shocked too.

 _Kanra  
_ Eh? What are you two talking about? Tell me, tell me! Or are you keeping secrets from me? I'm hurt kyaaaa!ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ It isn't anything big – well I suppose it's big, but it's not life-threatening I think….?

 _Kanra  
_ Mou! Taro-kun, you're so mean to leave us in suspense! ヽ( ｀Д´)ﾉ

 _Setton  
_ What is it?

 _Saika  
_ ….Orihara Izaya.

 _Setton_  
Orihara Izaya?!

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ And Heiwajima Shizuo. I saw them together yesterday, actually. And they weren't being violent, so it was really surprising.

 _Setton  
_ A-Ah I saw that too, oh I remember I also saw something surprising yesterday! I mean, not about Izaya and Shizuo.

 _Kanra  
_ Ehhhhh? What did Setton-san see~?

 _Setton  
_ Foreigners…badly beaten up. I was just walking along, and I heard some voices. I went to investigate, and there were two guys who said they pissed off the man in a bartender suit. It's a good thing I was there, since I don't think they knew the hospital number for Japan.

 _Kanra  
_ Wahhhh, how dangerous! Setton-san has such a kind heart, lending a helping hand to strangers! (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

 _Kanra  
_ But it could be dangerous, you know.

 _Setton  
_ Uhhh…not really. I just pitied them. A-Anyway I'm pretty strong, and they were injured, so I thought it would be okay! Hahaha.

 _Kanra  
_ As expected of Setton-san!

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Foreigners huh? Why would they piss off Heiwajima-san though? But it sounds interesting. I wish I could have seen it. Maybe those foreigners were assassins of some sort?

 _Setton  
_ I-Impossible! Why would assassins want to kill Heiwajima Shizuo? I heard his enemies are mainly gang members.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ I don't know, maybe he was protecting someone? But yeah, that guy's really strong! I pity those men who crossed him.

 _Saika  
_ Strong….love…..

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Eh?

 _Saika_  
It's nothing.

 _Kanra  
_ Tanaka Taro-kun sure has a vivid imagination! Maybe in an anime or manga they would be assassins, but I think they were just innocent men who accidentally pissed off the Monster of Ikebukuro! I mean, if they were assassins wouldn't they have hurt Setton-san?! (((╹д╹;)))

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Ahhhh…yes that's true. Lol I guess I'm imagining too much!

 

Footsteps sounded, and Shizuo's voice called out casually.

"I'm back."

"Welcome home."

"….."

 

 _Kanra  
_ asduhfeonslaokkjuiojoslpa

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ K-Kanra-san?!

 

Shizuo's lips curled into an amused grin at Izaya who had opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, then closed it again then finally turned away as if he hadn't said anything at all.

 

 _Setton  
_ Did something happen?

 _Kanra  
_ Nothing. Nothing at all

 _Kanra  
_ Liar

 _Saika  
_?

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ I-Is everything okay?

 _Kanra  
_ Yeah everything's fine rruejojek

 

"O-OW! Shizu-chan!"

"Stay on the floor for a while flea."

"W-Wait! Wait what are you –"

 

 _Kanra  
_ So this is what you do in your free time.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Um…who are you? Are you Kanra-san's friend?

 _Saika  
_ …Are you bullying her?

 

"….Her?"

"Shut up and get off my seat!"

"Nah I don't want to. This is fun."

"You -!"

 

 _Kanra  
_ Nah, I'm just having fun, like she always does.

 _Kanra  
_ She's abnormally cute today, so I like to tease her.

 

"SHIZU-CHAN!"

"What? I'm helping you to build up your feminine image, you feminine flea."

Izaya struggled against the foot pressed down onto his chest as Shizuo sent him a taunting grin. His eyes flashed angrily.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Maybe I should join this chatroom as your boyfriend, what do you think Kanra-chan?"

"GO DIE! AND GET YOUR MONSTER FOOT OFF ME DAMN IT!"

 

 _Saika  
_ Ah I see….

 _Setton  
_ Ah, could you be her boyfriend?

 

"Oh, great minds think alike."

Shizuo said, unaware that he was referring to not himself and a stranger but himself and Celty.

"Shizuo," Izaya forced his body up against the monster's foot, "If you say yes I swear I'll make your life hell!"

Shizuo looked at Izaya, considered the raging emotions in the furious flea's eyes, then shrugged and returned to the computer screen.

While making sure to keep his foot to hold Izaya down of course.

Revenge was sweet.

Which was why he liked it.

 

 _Kanra  
_ Nah.

 

"Shizuo!"

"So this is all it takes to make you call me by my name? And not that stupid nickname. Someone's off his groove today huh Izaya-kun?"

"And relax, I didn't do it. So stop looking at me like you want to kill me – that's my job."

 

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Right…um what should we call you boyfr- I mean, not-boyfriend-san?

 _Kanra  
_ Shizu

 

"You idiot protozoan! Not your real name!"

 

 _Setton  
_ S-Shizu?

 _Kanra  
_ I meant, it's sure quiet nowadays. Ikebukuro I mean. Oh and you can call me Heiwa. I like that it's quiet, 'cause I like peace.

 

"…So even Shizu-chan can lie, huh?"

"It's not a lie, shitty flea. I do like peace."

"Hard to believe. And what a pity, I was looking forward to you saying your name was 'Shizuka'."

"Tch you're the only one crossing gender here damn flea."

"Whatever, you realize Heiwa is also part of your name?"

"So? Heiwa also means peace and thanks to you, no one will believe Heiwajima Shizuo likes peace."

"Good point." Izaya smirked in satisfaction to see Shizuo annoyed. He wriggled on the floor.

"Now if you would be so kind as to get your monster foot off me? You're going to crack my ribs – actually I'm surprised they're not broken yet."

 

 _Setton  
_ A-Ah Heiwa huh?

 

"…Oi."

"What?"

"How does this guy know about yesterday?"

"Yesterday? This guy – you mean Tanaka Taro-kun? Well who doesn't know? With the way your drunk self was carrying me around –"

"No not that, about the assassins thing. And how does he know I was protecting you?"

"…..Intuition I guess," Izaya looked away at the word he refused to acknowledge, "He's Mikado-kun."

"Mikado?"

"Ryuugamine."

"Ryuu…..?"

"The kid. The leader of the Dollars."

"Ah." Shizuo said in sudden realization. "Ryuugasaki you mean?"

"…It's Ryuugamine, Shizu-chan. Ryuugamine, like the air conditioner."

"So Ryuugamine's the leader of the Dollars?"

"Yes yes."

"Oh, what a coincidence, then I did tell the leader of the Dollars I quit after all – argh I still can't forgive them for kidnapping those women – I fucking hate cowardly guys like THAT, I SHOULD JUST KILL –"

"Owwww- OW OW OW! SHIZU-CHAN IT HURTS!"

"…Huh? Oh sorry." Shizuo said, not realizing he had pushed his foot down onto Izaya's chest in his anger. The flea whimpered pathetically and in pity for the creature, he removed his foot.

"You alive?"

"Ugh…..I think my ribs are really broken now….."

 

 _Setton  
_ Heiwa-san?

 _Kanra  
_ Sorry, I was a little busy. Come to think of it, you seem familiar.

 _Setton  
_ Eh? Me?

 

"Wait." Shizuo said, suddenly realizing something, "Why are you here in the first place?"

"What nonsense are you speaking about now? This is my home and that is  _my_ computer, so if you would –"

"No I meant – in this chatroom. Ryuugamine is here so this is the Dollars chatroom right – so why are you here?"

"Why else? I'm a member of the Dollars of course."

"HAHHHHH?!"

The blond slammed his fists onto the table, producing a cracking sound.

"YOU MEAN I WAS IN THE SAME ORGANIZATION AS YOU?!"

Izaya smirked. "Yes, yes." He said leisurely, wincing as he got off the floor. "We were in the same gang, isn't that nice? Now for the last time – UGH!"

"HOW DARE YOU?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"While I'm happy to see Shizu-chan angry again….Don't you think it's a little immature for someone your age to beat someone up just because you don't like that they're in the same group as you? This isn't elementary school…..Shizu-chan."

"…!"

"Oh and in case your protozoic brain has forgotten, which is very likely, you're still in my debt. And Setton-san is waiting for your reply over there, you wouldn't want to make a stranger wait, would you?"

"…..TCH!"

Shizuo released Izaya roughly and then stomped back to the swivel chair, sitting down and glaring at the computer screen.

"Good thing I quitted that gang – argh if Simon invited me knowing the shitty flea was in Dollars too I'm definitely going to KILL HIM! THAT CRAFTY BASTARD!"

Izaya smirked as Shizuo's anger was for once not directed to him, and directed to Simon instead. For once, he didn't mind, since Simon had caused him public, immensely unnecessary embarrassment yesterday by getting the monster drunk.

Though, he had also saved his life. As loathe as he was to admit it.

Izaya winced slightly at the pain when he inhaled, as monsters showed no mercy, even if they were in debt.

Well, monsters would always be monsters after all.

 

 _Kanra  
_ Sorry for the wait, flea was pissing me off

 _Setton  
_ F-Flea?

 

"…Shit."

"Ooooh, Shizu-chan slipped up~"

"Shut up!"

 

 _Kanra  
_ There's this really annoying flea in my home hopping around and pissing me off. It refuses to die no matter what so it's really annoying.

 

"Technically Shizu-chan, this is my home."

"Whatever. You're the one who said 'Welcome home'."

"….."

Izaya shut his mouth at that, much to Shizuo's relief. He still didn't know why the flea had said 'Welcome home', but it amused him since the flea himself didn't know why he had said it. And he was amused at the flea who didn't know why he had said what he had said.

Shizuo grinned, feeling in a little better mood as the flea seemed to be annoyed at himself again.

 

[Private Mode]  _Setton  
_ Excuse me

[Private Mode]  _Setton  
_ Shizuo?

[Private Mode]  _Setton  
_ Are you Shizuo?

 _Kanra  
_ Who are you?

 _Tanaka Taro  
_?

 _Kanra  
_ …Sorry, wrong window

 

"Hey flea, how do I change windows?"

"Huh?"

"This Setton guy knows who I am. Who the hell is he?! How do I speak to him alone?"

"…As expected, Shizu-chan is hopeless."

Had they had a better relationship, Izaya's tone could be considered fond, as he reached for the mouse and Shizuo leaned away to make way.

"There. Who do you think Setton-san is?"

"How would I know? I'll just ask the guy. Though his name looks familiar somehow…."

"It should."

Izaya said, smiling for a reason he still didn't know as he settled himself on his own desk, swinging his legs as he glanced at the screen.

 

[Private Mode]  _Kanra  
_ Who are you?

[Private Mode]  _Setton  
_ Ah, I see you didn't know how to use the private mode. You must be Shizuo. I can't believe it! What are you doing here?!

[Private Mode]  _Kanra  
_ I still don't know who the hell you are so if you know I'm Heiwajima Shizuo you better fess up 'cause I sure as hell don't know you.

[Private Mode]  _Setton  
_ Oh! I'm so sorry. Shizuo, it's me. Celty.

 

"C-Celty?!"

Izaya laughed at the dumbfounded expression on Shizuo's face.

"Maybe you shouldn't have been so rude to Setton-san, huh?"

"Be quiet, damn flea."

 

[Private Mode]  _Kanra_  
Celty! Sorry, I didn't know it was you, though I thought your name looked really familiar. But my memory's bad, so I couldn't find out where. Argh it's all that damn flea's fault as usual! He didn't tell me! I thought he didn't know.

 

"Shizu-chan always blames everything on me….!"

"Because everything is your fault! Why the hell didn't you tell me?!"

"Well, because Shizu-chan was so determined on asking the guy himself, and not the information broker sitting right here on his desk, because a monster's occupying his chair."

"….Argh."

 

 _Saika  
_ Um, I have to leave now. It was nice meeting you, Heiwa-san.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Me too. Also, it seems like Setton-san and Heiwa-san know each other. Hahaha.

 _Setton  
_ Ah, so sorry! I was just excited, I didn't think Heiwa-san would ever use this chatroom

 

"…Izaya."

"Yes yes."

 

 _Kanra  
_ Sorry, I was surprised that Setton was someone I knew too. …Kanra didn't tell me.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Lol…Kanra-san likes to keep secrets to herself.

 _Kanra  
_ Tch sure does, I know that better than anyone!

 _Saika  
_ Then, I'm going.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Me too.

 _Setton  
_ See you next time!

 _Kanra  
_ Yeah. Take care, you two.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Bye Heiwa-san, Setton-san! Heiwa-san, hopefully Kanra-san will let you use her account again! Or you could join this chatroom.

 _Kanra  
_ Heh. Thanks for the offer, but I'm no longer part of the Dollars.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ …..Ah I see. Still, I hope to see you again.

 _Kanra  
_ Yeah, who knows we may bump into each other on the street. Something tells me you know who I am.

 _Tanaka Taro  
_ Heiwa-san is certainly sharp. (ヘ。ヘ) I won't tell anyone. I'll see you around!

 _Kanra  
_ Yeah.

 _Saika  
_ Bye everyone.

_Saika-san has just left the chat._

_Tanaka Taro-san has just left the chat._

 

"Hey, who's Saika?"

"Sonohara Anri."

"..Who the hell's that?"

"No one you need to know."

Izaya waved off. Shizuo frowned, wondered where he had heard the name before, then shrugged and typed.

 

 _Kanra  
_ I guess it's just us two left, huh?

 _Setton  
_ Yeah, as usual （＾_＾）

 

"Hey flea, I'm hungry."

"No you can't eat me."

"….What?"

"Nothing."

Izaya said when Shizuo gave him a weird look, even though he had inched away slightly from the monster of Ikebukuro.

"Anyway if Shizu-chan wants to eat, Shizu-chan should stop using the chatroom so he can cook something for the both of us."

"Why do I have to cook?" Shizuo asked, frowning slightly as he typed on the keyboard, his gaze on the screen.

"Let's just order takeout. Chinese sounds good."

"But I like Shizu-chan's cooking."

"Huh?"

"I said I like to make Shizu-chan cook." Izaya said smoothly, his face turned away. "For the me that Shizu-chan hates, of course. Since Shizu-chan is still in my debt."

"….Tsk."

 

 _Kanra  
_ Hey Celty. Sorry but I'm kind of hungry and the flea is too, I'll talk to you another time okay?

 _Setton  
_ Sure, Shizuo. Though I wonder why you're at Izaya's place? Actually, I didn't even know Kanra-san was Izaya in the first place! To think the girly Kanra was Izaya all along!

 _Kanra  
_ Yeah I know right. Damn gender confused flea. Anyway I'll see you later – uh, how do I make a smiley face?

 _Setton  
_ Haha, just click the icon Shizuo.

 _Kanra  
_ Like this? （‐＾▽＾‐）

 _Setton  
_ (*^▽^*)

 _Setton  
_ See you! I don't know what you're doing with Izaya but try not to kill him!

 _Kanra  
_ Yeah, I want to but that would be a waste.

 _Setton_  
Eh?

 

"Right right." Izaya took the mouse from Shizuo as he drawled.

"That's enough or this will go on forever, off to the kitchen with you Shizu-chan."

 

 _Kanra  
_ Shizu-chan can't talk now since he's supposed to cook for me~

 _Setton  
_ C-Cook for you?!

 _Kanra  
_ That's right~like my personal housewife! Hahahaha!

 _Setton  
_ W-What did you do to him?!

 _Kanra  
_ He's repaying his debt, I didn't do anything to him. In fact he did something to me and caused me trouble, so it's only right that he repays his debt!

 _Kanra_  
Bye bye~

 _Setton  
_ Wait

_Kanra-san has just left the chat._

 

 

"That was rude of you flea." Shizuo frowned. "Still, I didn't know chatrooms were so addictive."

"Welcome to the Information Age, you caveman." Izaya spread his arms grandly, then drew them up and stretched.

"And someone had to be the responsible one or you'd be there chatting till my next client comes."

"…When's your next client?"

"2PM. We still have lots of time. Now shouldn't you be in the kitchen? After you put the groceries in the fridge of course."

Shizuo looked like he wanted to say something, but decided on a scoff and getting off Izaya's chair.

He picked up the bags of groceries he had put down, and shoved the grocery list into Izaya's face.

"E-Ehhhh Shizu-chan I can't see!"

"Shut up. I should suffocate you with this."

Shizuo considered this for a moment, but remembered he was still in debt. He sighed and let the grocery list go, and Izaya caught the long list in his hand.

"Wow, I'm surprised you didn't tear this to pieces." He said as he rolled the list up, an amused smirk on his face.

"If I tore it to pieces I would have to go all the way back and ask you again." Shizuo said in annoyance as he made his way across the living room. "I don't know why the hell you couldn't have just sent me a message and use my phone number which I still have no idea how the hell you got, for something useful for once."

"Well, it's because I wanted Shizu-chan to do exactly that, but I should have expected Shizu-chan to be unpredictable as usual."

"Yeah and 'forgetting' to give me money and sending me all over fucking Shinjuku - you just like to piss me off don't you?!"

"That's right." Izaya plopped down onto his chair, spreading his arms as he sat on it like a king, "Can't you hurry up Shizu-chan? I'm hungry!"

"IF YOU WANT ME TO HURRY UP THEN GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND HELP ME DAMN IT!"

"But that wouldn't be any fun at all! Ahhhhh -" Izaya smirked as he leaned back, watching Shizuo lugging the many plastic bags to the fridge. "Such a nice scenery."

_I MUST NOT PUNCH HIM I MUST NOT PUNCH HIM I MUST NOT PUNCH HIM_

"Seeing Shizu-chan like this, Shizu-chan is like a cute little housewife~!"

 **_…_ ** **_.I MUST PUNCH HIM!_ **

"I-ZAAAAAAAAA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"So noisy, Shizu-chan….can't you be quieter? Like your name suggests – oh wait, I suppose you can't, since Shizu-chan is  _Shizu-chan_  after all."

Izaya sighed as if in great mock disappointment and Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"…Bastard."

He exhaled, loosened his grip on the refrigerator before he broke another door in Izaya's house, and picked up the plastic bags, placing them carefully inside the fridge.

"Shizu-chaaaan, you can't just put them in like that, you have to unpack them!"

"HELL NO! UNPACK THEM YOURSELF! I STILL HAVE TO COOK LUNCH FOR YOU! I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING MAID!"

"But I thought you were, for today! You're in my debt –"

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO DO EVERYTHING YOU SAY – NOW STOP TESTING MY FUCKING PATIENCE DAMN IT!"

Shizuo slammed the fridge door so hard Izaya was surprised it didn't break. He held a few plastic bags in his hands for ingredients for cooking. He whirled and stomped off into the kitchen, growling curses at Izaya under his breath, which made Izaya smile.

"Ahhhh….I could almost get used to this."

Just as the relaxed words left Izaya's lips, something came crashing into them.

"O-Ow! What the hell, Shizu-chan?!"

"Oh sorry," Shizuo's voice came from the kitchen, not sounding sorry at all. "Be grateful I decided to return this to you instead of using it as an ingredient for your lunch."

Izaya rubbed his bruised lip delicately, glaring at the unpredictable monster. He got off the chair to pick up the object from the floor.

"….Shizu-chan!"

"What?"

"What the hell is this?!"

"How would I know?! I found it loitering around somewhere just now! Isn't it yours?"

"Well yes it's mine, but why did you solve it?! I was in the middle of solving it!"

Izaya was so annoyed that if he had Shizuo's superhuman strength the completed cube in his hands would have shattered into pieces.

"Solve? Solve what? I didn't solve anything! I JUST PUT THE COLORS BACK TOGETHER BECAUSE THE MESS WAS FUCKING ANNOYING!"

"The mess was annoying? This is called a Rubik's Cube you protozoan and you just solved it and undid all my hard work! Putting the colors back together means solving it, idiot!"

"Rubik what? Whatever, but if the aim is to put the colors back together – what kind of aim is that anyway – anyway why the hell are you so pissed off?! I just finished your job for you! Shouldn't you be grateful?! I knew it, I SHOULD HAVE JUST COOKED IT WITH YOUR LUNCH AFTER ALL! WHETHER THE COLORS ARE TOGETHER OR NOT WOULDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE THEN HUH!"

 

Had Izaya been a less sophisticated man, he would have tugged like a madman at his hair. However, since he considered himself an elegant, sophisticated man unlike the beast in his kitchen, he merely glared gracefully and slammed the perfectly solved cube down onto his desk, annoyed that Heiwajima Shizuo of all people had finished the challenge before he had.

"'I just put the colors back together' he says. Obviously if the colors are mixed up putting them back together would equate to solving it!"

"…I just don't get his logic at all!"

Izaya said in annoyance as he picked up the cube, looked at it for a moment then put it back down and pushed it angrily away.

"I'll have to buy another one."

He said to himself as he looked at the cube which Shizuo had solved without even knowing.

He scoffed, leaning his cheek on his hand and biting his lip in irritation. His latest entertaining puzzle had been ruined by the monster who didn't even know the gravity of what he had done.

"I can't tell if he's dumb or smart. Can't he be  _not_ unpredictable for once?"

With an almost weary sigh, Izaya got up from his desk. He walked across the living room with a glance at the fridge, wondering if he should unpack the groceries since Shizuo refused to do it.

But then he remembered he could make Namie do it instead, so he turned away and made his way up the stairs. He looked to make sure Shizuo was busy cooking in the kitchen before he carefully removed several files from the book shelf, held them under his arm, and smoothly moved the rest of the files and books back in place to completely cover the jar which contained Celty's slumbering head.

With a small exhale when he saw that Shizuo was still oblivious to the existence of Celty's head in his apartment, Izaya turned back and made his way back down the stairs. Instead of going back to his desk, he made his way to the couches instead, sitting down and placing the files onto the table.

He then went back to his desk, picking up the few files Namie had placed there. With a grin and the intention to fully undo Namie's hard work, he walked back to the couches and placed them onto the table.

The object that had been on top of the files slid off. Izaya caught it with his quick reflexes before it met the floor. He leaned back and surveyed the table covered fully by files with a smile, his index finger spinning the cube, rotating the different colours on the different faces in a blur of colours.

"Shizu-chan shouldn't have solved this," crimson eyes shifted their gaze to the spinning cube, "It's not your kind of work at all."

"Shizu-chan's work is more of menial tasks….such as arranging and filing messy papers. Ahhh yes….the  _mess_  will be annoying for Shizu-chan, won't it?"

Izaya's grin seemed like that of a mischievous kid about to squash a colourful bug he had found. The colourful cube suddenly stopped spinning and fell into his hand, a mixture of colours on each face again.

 

"After all, I really do love creating a mess…..especially for Shizu-chan."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Rubik's Cube is supposed to be a metaphor and kind of analogy to the situation. Shizuo solving it without even knowing and overriding Izaya's hard work is supposed to parallel how Shizuo protected Izaya from his own miscalculation without even knowing. Well he knew, but it wasn't his intention to. And it was Izaya who caused the situation in the first place, and caused Shizuo to get drunk which lead to Shizuo protecting him.
> 
> Izaya doesn't know this, just as he doesn't know Shizuo solved the Rubik Cube and finished his hard work (Yakuza war with one mafia boss), until Shizuo actually showed it to him. Shizuo did it casually without even thinking, paralleling how Shizuo just does difficult/impossible things without even thinking (because he's pissed off), like how he defeated Michele and Luciano and saved Izaya's life, or just in general for his character. It's a big deal to Izaya because he treasures his life but for Shizuo he's just repaying his debt and venting his anger, like how it's a big deal to Izaya that Shizuo solved the Rubik's Cube while for Shizuo he just wanted to 'put the colours back together' and doesn't really understand Izaya's frustration at the matter. Just like how he doesn't get Izaya's frustration in general when he ruins all his plans.
> 
> Izaya can solve situations too and is good at tying up loose ends, but he's the best at making a mess - he puts things together only to break them all apart.
> 
> I have no idea where the Rubik's Cube came from, I just realized it kind of fits the situation haha. I couldn't resist~
> 
> 'I'm back' and 'Welcome home' is Tadaima and Okaeri respectively. It's a greeting in Japanese families, and is also common between husband and wife, the husband saying 'I'm home/I'm back' when he comes back and the wife saying 'Welcome home/Welcome back'. Because in a typical Japanese family, the husband is traditionally the breadwinner. Though it can also be used between friends who are like family. For example between roommates or someone back to his friends from a journey. Hm the essence is that it's used to welcome someone back when you've been waiting for them.
> 
> So, Izaya was secretly waiting for Shizuo to come back~though for Shizuo he meant it in a more 'I'm back' casual kind of way. While Izaya was more sincere ('Welcome home')? Hahaha. Unconsciously.
> 
> There's a Japanese saying that if you sneeze, someone is talking about you. Though for Shizuo it's more like 'roaring'. Shizuo's grocery shopping adventure will be in the Timeline after this story. If I write it it'd be too long so I decided to put it in the timeline instead. This story should have less than 15 chapters (and one Timeline).


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

In which there is Secretary Shizuo and Informant Izaya, Blacklists and Beautiful Women, Crabs on Burning Trees, and Beasts for Show

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Matsumoto Hiroto, age 33, has a girlfriend. Name is Kimiko Aiko. Works as a receptionist in Hilton Tokyo. Matsumoto is part of Sumiyoshi-kai, allied with Kudo-kai. Has been embezzling company's funds for Yakuza activities since the start of the year - what a bastard. I pity his girlfriend."

"His girlfriend isn't exactly innocent either. She's an undercover assassin. Birds of a feather flock together, wouldn't you agree?"

"...Whatever."

"Ah yeah, alter the status to unconfirmed."

"Hah?"

"The dead or alive status."

"...You did something to this guy?"

"Not me. Didn't you see the Yakuza war on the news? He was involved in that war since his gang was involved, so I have no idea if he's dead or alive. Well if Matsumoto-san is dead by fire, it would certainly infuriate Nozomu-san, since that guy has been embezzling and burning out his company's funds."

"You said his girlfriend is an undercover assassin - sure she wouldn't seek you out for her boyfriend's death?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. But is that concern I hear for me? I didn't know you cared!"

"Shut up. Although it would be amusing if you were killed by a woman, you're mine to kill. I'd be fucking pissed off if I had to fight and hurt a woman to save your shitty little ass. And don't lie, the Yakuza war you got the Mafia Boss involved in is that one."

"...Well, it seems you've gotten some information of your own last night. Fine I admit, it's my doing, but if Matsumoto-san is dead it's not my fault, and Kimiko-chan wouldn't know. Neither would Nozomu-san. My job is to provide information to my clients, I'm not responsible for any coincidences that happen, that Matsumoto-san is found dead just after I provide the information. Although you see, Nozomu-san's reaction would be amusing to see. And Kimiko-chan's reaction too. Ah but since Shizu-chan is so graciously possessive over me for some unfathomable protozoic reason, he can be rest assured, I won't tamper with assassins for a while. So Shizu-chan can still keep his life philosophy of not hurting women. Aren't I such a kind man?"

"Kind? More like cowardly. Stop messing with people's lives, shitty flea."

"But it's so fun! Everything else is so boring...don't you think so? That's why, human observation is such a fun hobby!"

"Sounds more like an euphemism for stalker to me. Oi where the hell do I put this? You need any more information?"

"Oh wow, big word. Looks like Shizu-chan has been brushing up on his vocabulary. That would be almost admirable - if you were human."

"Answer the damn question!"

"How impatient. I don't require any more information, my memory is sufficiently refreshed. Put it in the blue file."

Izaya said with a smirk as he typed the email out, glancing at Shizuo out of the corner of his eye.

"...What the hell is this? Some alien language?"

"I suppose it would be an alien language to you. But it's Russian to people like me."

"I don't know shit about Russian, where the fuck do I put this? Why the fuck is it in Russian anyway?! This is Japan!"

"Because some records can only be accessed in Russian, since I'm seeking information on people from Russia. I'm sure there's a brain in your head since we're able to communicate, so why don't you use it?"

Izaya was amused as Shizuo glared at him, squinted his eyes at the Russian words, and let out a growl.

"Flea..."

"The Crow and the Elephant. Protégé of the Philosophical Killing Machine, seventh deadliest assassin in Russia. Now where do you think you should put it?"

"How the hell would I know! Now cut the crap and tell me before I tear the paper to pieces! Or actually, I should just smash the whole damn thing -"

"The black file. Put it there. Oh, put information on the Crow at the very top, just before Yodogiri Jinnai."

"Yodogiri the last one then?"

Izaya's lips curved.

"No, even though he sent me to the hospital. Next is Tsukumoya Shinichi but he's not the top either -"

Izaya stopped speaking, just as Shizuo started -

"The fuck, flea?! Heiwajima Shizuo? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE MY INFORMATION?"

"Because I'm an information broker of course, and - hey! Don't read it!"

"' _Has a protozoic brain, but has unusually sharp instincts, can switch from calm to angry at an abnormally fast rate_...'"

"Shizu-chan! Give that to me!"

"...You really are a stalker. The fuck? I don't even know this much about myself!"

"Because you're a protozoic brain - now put that aside. Or better yet, give it to me."

"Sharp instincts? More like I just know when you're up to shit in Ikebukuro."

"Yes yes, now hand that paper over!"

Shizuo blinked, looked at the annoyed expression on Izaya's face, then gave Izaya the kind of taunting smirk the flea would usually give him.

"Come and get it then."

Izaya twitched as Shizuo waved the paper as if he was the dog in their cat and dog relationship.

His sharp eye caught the words on several papers on the table and he snatched them up, mentally berating himself for being so careless.

"Oh I'm not going to participate in something so immature as that. Look why don't we have a bargain? I'll file these papers for you and lessen your workload, if you would kindly return that piece of important information to me."

Izaya smiled charmingly at Shizuo, who blinked twice as if processing what he had just said.

"...Important, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

"I see. So those papers are important information too? More information on Heiwajima Shizuo? Huh, Orihara Izaya?"

"…That is irrelevant. Now do you accept the bargain or not?"

"Nah. I can think of something better."

"And that is?"

"You give those papers to me, and I'll return this one to you. Do we have a deal, flea?"

Izaya looked conflicted, but eventually replied.

"I'm afraid not. These papers are worth more than that one piece of paper. It would be a foolish deal to make."

"So it is more information on me. Now I'm curious. You know, I have a right to prevent my information from being circulated."

"They aren't being circulated. Only I have your information, for only I need to know your information."

"…..."

"For, information purposes of course. Don't misunderstand."

"…Fuck. That's creepy, flea. Now I want to tear those papers to pieces!"

"No you can't - this is important information and I won't allow - hey! Shizu-chan!"

Izaya protested as Shizuo pounced on him, grimacing as the brute pinned him to the couch and held his hand out expectantly.

"Those papers. Now."

"No."

Shizuo grinned insanely, as a vein throbbed warningly in his temple.

"Then, I suppose you want another trip to the hospital, huh Izaya-kun? You should have told me you were in the hospital you know - I would have come and give you a nice visit - to Hell. I'd be freeing a hospital bed for a guy who deserves it better, don't you think?"

"Charming. But as you can see, I'm well and alive, and I don't appreciate your monster being trying to steal away my information from me –"

"It's  _my_  information, so I damn well have the right to take it back!"

"–Without payment, no less. Oh and yes, I was expecting a visit from you while I was in the hospital – sadly you're always unpredictable and I couldn't frame you for destroying the hospital and trying to kill a wounded, helpless patient."

Izaya directed a taunting smirk at Shizuo as he said this -

Who was no longer on top of him but on the floor, holding papers in his hands.

 

"...…"

Izaya realized his hand suddenly felt empty.

"Ha, flea! Letting your guard down. Now let's see -"

Shizuo sidestepped as Izaya lunged at him, turning and giving the information broker a grin over the papers.

"Now Shizu-chan, there's nothing there that you don't already know, so why don't you return those to me?"

"Because I like seeing you angry...Izaya-kun."

"...!"

"And I don't have a good memory, so reading this will help refresh it a bit. Oh yeah I'm also your temporary secretary, so I should know about this Heiwajima Shizuo guy who's  _important_  enough to be on the top of the blacklist of the information broker of Shinjuku, right? Hah! Now if I were him, I would be pissed, but also amused. I'm sure he doesn't keep any information about you -"

The man in a bartender suit dodged the information broker again and held the papers high above his head, too high for the other man to reach.

He smirked and moved the papers out of the way when the flea jumped in a futile effort to reach them.

"What's wrong, Izaya-kun? Having a little trouble?"

He emphasized on the word 'little', receiving a glare from the shorter man.

"I don't appreciate your wit. Now if you would be so kind as to drop those papers, maybe I won't stab you."

Izaya said with a sharp smile, irritated that the brute was using his height to his advantage.

He also didn't appreciate the jab at his height.

He wasn't short, not at all - it was Shizuo who was too tall.

Since he was a monster after all.

In response to his threat, Shizuo blinked and spoke as if feigning innocence –

"But Orihara-san, I'm your secretary. I'm not sure why you're so interested in information you already  _know_ , but it's  _my_  job to file these papers. Now why don't you show me where _Heiwajima Shizuo's File_  is and you can get back to your work? As you always say, you must be a  _busy_  man."

 

Izaya gaped.

Shizuo had spoken in such a tone that had Izaya not known any better, he would have thought the brute had suddenly gained amnesia.

It was Izaya's eyebrow that was twitching as he glared at the amused glint in Shizuo's eyes.

Who knew the monster could act?

Certainly not him. He would have to add this important piece of information in his records - once the monster secretary was gone.

"That's very...considerate of you, my dear secretary. But you see, Shizu-I mean, Heiwajima- _san_ , last I checked your name was Shizuo, and it's such a coincidence that your name is the same as Heiwajima Shizuo's, isn't it? Too much of a coincidence for me to believe. Now give me those papers and I'll file it in Heiwajima Shizuo's File - if there was one. Since there isn't one, I'll take care of them myself, you have no need to file the papers in Heiwajima Shizuo's File, my responsible secretary. Since it doesn't exist."

"…So it does exist?"

"It doesn't! Don't flatter yourself!"

"Tch you're no fun, flea. But still, no."

Shizuo said with a smirk, all innocence in his face and eyes gone.

Izaya tackled Shizuo.

He brushed away the slight pride of having been able to take the monster of Ikebukuro down to the floor and focused on retrieving those papers which were causing more trouble than they were worth - which was why he didn't know why he had to take them back. Other than the fact that he didn't want Shizuo to be in possession of them.

"Hah! Getting desperate, are you flea? It's just a few papers!"

"I can't let you have Heiwajima Shizuo's information, Heiwajima Shizuo! You certainly wouldn't give me any information about yourself! That information is mine, I took effort and precious time I could have spent on my humans instead to find it, it belongs to  _me!_  Now stop playing around and give them back!"

Izaya said in the frustration he couldn't resist from showing as he wrestled Shizuo for the papers he couldn't allow the monster to have.

"….High school? The hell, you have been observing me since we met?!"

"Shut up!"

Izaya was annoyed as Shizuo's gaze accused him of being a stalker. Which he was not. He was merely observing. He had to observe the monster, since the monster was not human, and he had to have information about something which was not human. Even if it took away his precious time he could have spent observing his humans.

Not wanting Shizuo to see that he had information about him since even before he had met him (it was all Shinra's fault for introducing him to Shizuo, really, Shinra's fault for even existing and making him find out about 'Shizu-chan'), Izaya took his knife out from his back pocket and stabbed Shizuo in the shoulder.

He knew it wouldn't do much damage, but it did make Shizuo's gaze automatically turn to where the wound should be -

And as Izaya had planned, gave him the chance to snatch back those papers on Shizuo out of Shizuo's hands.

 

 

The information broker smirked in triumph as his goal was accomplished, and in the midst of removing himself from the monster's body, was forcefully tugged back down and spun as his back slammed against the floor.

Izaya gave an involuntary wince, but retained his tight grip on his prize.

"Now who's the desperate one? You should be grateful I don't circulate your information. People do ask, you know. Like that one reporter…"

Izaya trailed off invitingly, as Shizuo's eyes flashed.

"Bastard came to you? Fuck, pisses me off. You told him to find me, DIDN'T YOU?!"

Veins appeared on Shizuo's face as he seemed to recall the incident where the man had tried to make him mad with Orihara Izaya's name.

"So it wasn't him who was trying to make me mad, it was you! Tch, should have known it was your doing, FUCKING FLEA!"

The floor of Izaya's apartment suddenly had a hole that was bigger than Shizuo's fist. But Izaya only sighed.

"As a matter of fact, no. I told him to find Celty, you know, the Black Bike - and she directed him to you. But you wouldn't blame her, would you?"

"Even worse. Don't get Celty involved in the shit you do!"

"As usual, you always find some way to blame me."

"'Cause 99% of shit that happens in 'Bukuro is your fault, shitty flea. But I'll be kind. Hand over the information you have on me and I won't tear it to pieces. Then your effort wouldn't be wasted, eh?"

"That would be worse than having my effort wasted. But it seems you don't want this information to be torn to pieces either. How surprising."

Shizuo opened his mouth, but Izaya continued on leisurely.

"So, you can't snatch it away from me. Well, we can remain like this forever, I'm a very patient man. So let's be locked in this passionate stalemate until one of us gives in - which will be you."

Izaya's lips curled into a deceptively sweet smile at the twitching monster above him, as he stretched his arms as if he had all the time in the world.

"…I-iizaaaayaaaa..."

"Yes, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo ground his teeth against each other, making Izaya smirk in satisfaction.

\- Now this is more like it

"IZAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"No matter how passionately you scream my name, I won't hand over my information to you."

"How about I kill you and take it away from you?! Dead fingers are easier to pry apart, HUUUUUUUH?!"

"Be my guest, but I won't die so easily, in my own territory, no less. If that's how you want to repay your debt."

Shizuo let loose a low growl. Izaya smirked up at him.

"Now won't you get off me? You're heavy. And you're frightening our guest."

"Guest?"

"Oh I forgot, a protozoic brain like yours wouldn't be able to multitask. Kimura-san, you can come in."

 

The man who had been standing awkwardly jolted in surprise.

"Am I interrupting something?"

He said with the awkwardness his posture revealed as he looked at the two men on the floor in a compromising position.

"Oh, not at all. I do apologize for the lack of a proper door."

"No that's fine. I…this is Orihara Izaya's residence, yes?"

The man said uncertainly, as if he was unsure if he was at the right place. Izaya waved at him from where he was pinned onto the floor.

"That's correct. Information broker Orihara Izaya here, at your service. Well, I would be at your service, if I wasn't in such an uncomfortable position…."

"….If you're busy with something, I can always come back another time."

"I wouldn't want to trouble you. And I'm not busy, just…occupied. Right, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo growled.

"…I see you have reverted back to your animalistic instincts. But I'm sure you can at least process the fact that it would be rude to keep our guest waiting."

"….Tch!"

Shizuo released Izaya and stood up, not looking happy at the interruption at all, who gasped at the sight of a bartender suit.

"H-Heiwajima Shizuo?!"

"What?"

Shizuo said with a glare, as Izaya stood up smoothly from the floor, smirking as he clutched the papers in his hands.

"N-Nothing! I was just surprised, that's all!"

"...Tsk!"

"Now my dear secretary, your job is to file papers, not frighten our guest."

"Go die."

"S-Secretary?"

The man stuttered as he watched the blond man stomp off to where the couches were. He winced as he received a cold glare from the monster of Ikebukuro.

"Orihara-san, he looks like he doesn't want me here. I'm not sure why he's here, but –"

Izaya held up a hand to stop the man's nervous speech.

"Don't worry about it. He's always like that, well what do you expect from such a beast?"

He said loudly, as Shizuo spoke from the direction of the couches.

"Oi flea, I'm taking this."

"…Suit yourself."

Izaya said with a crooked smile as Shizuo held up the piece of paper which had started the whole mess.

Technically, it was him who had started the mess by giving Shizuo a mess to clear up, but to Izaya, it was Shizuo's fault for being unpredictable and creating a mess for _him_ to clear up.

That piece of paper was just a summary. Although it would be annoying to let Shizuo have information about himself that Izaya himself had organized and picked out, it was less detrimental than the beast getting hold of the papers in his hands, which contained much more elaborate and detailed information.

Shizuo looked at him, then turned away with a scoff. Izaya couldn't tell what he was thinking, so he turned back to his client.

"….He's your secretary? Orihara-san, I thought your secretary was a woman."

The man sounded disappointed, and Izaya was amused.

"Well yes, my secretary is a woman, this is just temporary. Quite the beauty, if I might say so myself. Oh don't worry, if you enlist my services in the future, you'll definitely be able to see her, though I can't guarantee her interest in you."

Izaya said as he spoke flippantly about his beautiful secretary, who would no doubt be annoyed with him if she found out Izaya had used her in such a way, for she was interested in no man but her brother.

"Oh really? Oh of course she wouldn't be interested in a mediocre man like me, though no man would pass up the sight of such a beauty. She must be quite the beauty, if you say so. After all, Orihara-san is quite a handsome man himself!"

Kimura spoke as he laughed lightly, and Izaya's smile widened.

"Well yes, I'm quite the looker, according to various women. But unfortunately, even my charm has no effect on her, she's quite the ice queen. You know, the cold type of beauty."

Izaya said casually, observing in amusement as the man's countenance seemed to light up.

"O-Oh, is that so. Ahahaha, well I would hope not! After all, Orihara-san is definitely more charming than I am, so if she hasn't fallen for your charm, I might not have a chance!"

The man said jokingly, but his eyes spoke of relief unsuited to his words.

"Oh I don't know. It seems she hasn't fallen for my charm, but you know, women are hard to read sometimes, even for an information broker such as myself."

Izaya said with a breezy smile, watching in glee as the relief faded out of the man's eyes.

"A-Ah, I see…."

There was a snort.

Izaya would have ignored it, if the monster in his apartment had not spoken.

"Tch. You just love to mind screw people don't you? Seriously, I don't know how Namie lives with you….suddenly I respect her more."

Izaya would have replied, but his client beat him to it.

"Namie? Is that her name? What a pretty name. Heiwajima-san, are you interested in her as well?"

"Oh don't worry, Kimura-san. Shizu-chan isn't interested in Namie, he barely knows her. In fact, he was aware of her existence just today….although, she's just Shizu-chan's type."

"Shizu-chan? You mean, Heiwajima-san's type? She must be really beautiful then!"

"Haha. I meant, it's because she's older than Shizu-chan and Shizu-chan's only interested in older women….right Shizu-chan? So he isn't interested in his cute little kouhai or Aka-"

Izaya ducked to avoid the file that crashed the wall.

"Now now Shizu-chan, secretaries aren't supposed to throw their work around. You could learn a thing or two from Namie."

"How the hell do you know about Vorona?!"

"I don't know who you're talking about."

"Vorona's my kouhai, dumbass! How the fuck do you know about her?! YOU DIDN'T DO ANY SHIT TO HER, DID YOU?!"

Shizuo looked ready to throw the couch at him. Izaya bent and picked up the file, a wry smile on his face.

"I didn't touch a single strand of hair on her pretty blonde head. So if you want to kill me, don't kill me for something I didn't do. She certainly wouldn't kill me for anything but you."

"If you hurt her, I'll kill you."

"Even if it's for self-defence?"

"Self-defence or whatever, I'll kill you! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE INVOLVE THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT IN THE SHIT BETWEEN US!"

"…I don't care if you believe me or not, but I really haven't done anything to her. Yet. So stop with your false accusations Heiwajima Shizuo, while it's amusing, it's also getting to be insulting."

Izaya said with a smile on his face, but his eyes were narrowed in warning as he threw the file in his hand at Shizuo, who caught it with his hand.

"After all, your cute little kouhai has a life you don't know about. Why, she may even be an assassin."

"Like hell. And I might not know much about her, but I know she's not like you. Vorona may have secrets like everyone else, but she's not a fucking coward like you. If she's an assassin she's one for a good reason not like you with your twisted plans for humans. She's strong and she gained her strength with her own efforts. I admire and respect her, so if you do anything to her, I will kill you."

Cracks appeared on the file in Shizuo's hand, and Izaya spoke.

"I see. Well, we'll see about that."

He said, half wishing the information about the Crow aka Vorona had been in Japanese instead of Russian.

He could always let Shizuo know of her true identity and of her own twisted nature regarding humans and their fragility, but he was currently irritated and was in no mood to speak to the unreasonable monster at the moment.

Izaya would have wished for Vorona to kill Heiwajima Shizuo, had Shizuo not been his to kill.

 

There was silence as sparks flew between the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro, and the outsider hesitantly spoke.

"Uh…."

"…My apologies. It seems we got carried away. Oh Kimura-san, I do apologize for the lack of my beautiful secretary's presence, but I would hope you came for more than that."

"A-hahaha…of course, of course!"

In his nervousness, Kimura reached out his hand to pat Izaya's shoulder in an effort to lighten the atmosphere, only to freeze as he felt a scathing glare which chilled his bones.

"–Then, this way please, Kimura-san. We should keep our affairs in order, withhold our temptations, and talk of beautiful women later. I'll extend the appointment a little, since he and I took up quite a bit of your time."

"Gu-h…gu-gug-gugguh…."

"….Kimura-san?"

The man snapped back to his senses as the information broker looked at him curiously. He seemed unaware that his temporary secretary was trying to set his client on fire with his glare alone.

Realizing his hand had frozen in mid-air, Kimura drew it back and brought it to the back of his head, laughing nervously.

"R-Right. Sorry, I was lost in thought for a moment there! Do lead the way Orihara-san."

The handsome raven haired man with beautiful features looked at him as if trying to read his thoughts, but lifted his slender shoulders in a shrug and walked smoothly in the direction of his desk.

"Right. This way, then."

The information broker who looked way too young to be an information broker of the underworld spoke nonchalantly, and the man trailed after him, stepping hesitantly as he felt as if his back was about to catch fire any moment, or the floor would burn if he stepped too hard.

\- A-Ah….all I did was talk about Orihara-san's beautiful secretary!

\- What did I do to make him so angry at me?

\- Does he think it's my fault he and the informant had an argument?

\- I thought that was normal for them….

"Is something wrong, Kimura-san?"

"N-No, nothing at all….!"

The black haired male looked at him suspiciously, just as mutterings filled the room.

"Kill..kill…..KILLL…"

"Eeeeeeeeek!"

"….Don't be rude, Shizuo."

The information broker said in a tone that made the man in a bartender suit look away and scoff to himself, muttering something unintelligible under his breath.

The client looked as the raven haired man settled on his chair behind his desk, placed the papers in his hand down on his desk, and look to him with a smile.

"Now let us get down to business, Kimura-san. How can I help you?"

 

Sweat slid down the man's face, as he shifted uncomfortably from the burning sensation on his back.

And as the man stood in between the two most dangerous men of Ikebukuro, he wondered if he should have listened to his horoscope and rescheduled the appointment to another date.

Apparently, Cancer have an especially bad relationship with Aquarius today.

However, he hadn't thought there would be an Aquarius in the appointment, since the information broker of Shinjuku didn't seem like one. And he had hoped that beautiful secretary of his wouldn't be an Aquarius, a sign incompatible with him.

He didn't know whether to be more surprised that his horoscope was actually accurate, or that the monster of Ikebukuro was actually an Aquarius.

Next he knew, the information broker of Shinjuku would be a Taurus - which was what he would have thought the violent man in a bartender suit would be.

\- I have a feeling this is going to be a long appointment….!

\- That is, if Heiwajima-san doesn't kill me by then…..

\- …And here I thought Aquarius was supposed to be the water man..…

"I'm waiting, Kimura-san."

The man grimaced, and forced himself to keep eye contact with the sharp eyed information broker he had come to seek, instead of the secretary on the couch who was not a beautiful woman but a man who could rip him apart with his bare hands.

"W-Well, you see…."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey, flea."

"…"

"Oi, flea!"

"If there's a flea on one of the papers just sweep it away or crush it like you do everything. Just don't crush my information."

Izaya said blandly. Kimura had left, and he was sorting through the information on Heiwajima Shizuo, wanting to ascertain he had everything in his hands.

"Though, I have no idea why you're trying to communicate with a flea. Since obviously, fleas can't talk. They just hop around and cause trouble."

"…"

Shizuo didn't quite know how to reply to that.

"…Izaya."

"What?"

Izaya had leaned down to pick up a piece of paper that had fallen onto the floor, and the iciness of his voice permeated through the metal of the desk.

Shizuo clenched his fists, and took a deep breath.

"…Sorry."

 

Izaya fell off his chair. Literally.

Orihara Izaya losing his balance rarely happened, but so was Heiwajima Shizuo apologizing to Orihara Izaya.

In fact, Izaya himself would vouch that he had never ever expected an apology at any time from Heiwajima Shizuo, and he could lose his perfect balance a hundred times before Shizuo would ever apologize to  _him_.

"?"

Shizuo turned his head at the sound, blinking.

"…Izaya, where are you?"

There was no reply. Shizuo filed in one more paper then stood up and made his way over. He found the information broker on the floor behind his desk, looking as if he had just seen something that surprised even him.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He said, and hooked his arms under the flea's shoulders and lifted him up to sit him back down in his chair.

The skin contact seemed to shake Izaya out of his daze. He moved his arms and Shizuo removed his hands, looking down at the raven haired male.

"You alright?"

He asked, moving his hand to the flea's forehead as his eyebrows furrowed.

"You have a fever or something? You're kind of red."

"I'm fine."

Izaya pushed his hand away, and Shizuo watched as he turned away, his expression hidden as he spoke.

"So...sorry, huh?"

"Yeah. Sorry, for falsely accusing you for something you didn't do. That was wrong of me. Even though you've done that to me - hell, I don't know why I'm apologizing, I'm just sorry alright?!"

Shizuo spoke hurriedly, feeling vaguely embarrassed at having to apologize to Orihara Izaya, the man who had made his life hell.

"A-Ahh–hhh...…"

He watched as Izaya turned back to the front. His back slouched and he leaned back in his chair, putting his arm over his eyes as he spoke with a smile.

"Shizu-chan is apologizing, huh?"

"Yeah?"

"This is why I hate you."

"Huh?"

Shizuo said, feeling his apology had gotten rejected as Izaya, with his eyes still hidden with his arm, spoke.

"You're so unpredictable. You aren't supposed to apologize to  _me_. I would have preferred if Shizu-chan and I continued our cold war."

Shizuo moved to speak, but Izaya was still speaking –

"Seriously, what to do with you? You upset all my expectations. Why did you apologize, Shizu-chan?"

"Hah? That's 'cause I did something wrong, so when you do something wrong, you apologize."

"Even if it's to me, whom you hate the most?"

"…Yeah. Though it pisses me off. But though I was pissed off you were pissed off too, so that was my fault."

"What about pride?"

"What pride?"

Shizuo said, annoyed that Izaya was trying to find out the reason for his apology instead of just accepting or rejecting his apology like a normal person would.

"…It's nothing."

"…Right. Something wrong with your eyes? Why are you covering them?"

"That's because I can't deal with the sight of Shizu-chan's face at the moment, it would be too much stimulus."

"...What the hell? Speak Japanese, flea. Whatever, so I guess that means you don't accept my apology, tch well at least I tried."

Shizuo shrugged, turning to walk back to the couches where he had left his work, only for his arm to be grabbed by Izaya's hand.

"Idiot protozoan."

Before Shizuo could satisfy the temptation to break Izaya's hand, Izaya spoke again.

"…Thanks, Shizu-chan."

"…"

"Sorry, since Shizu-chan was acting like a civilized human being, I forgot for a moment that he has a protozoic brain unable to comprehend subtleties."

"…"

Shizuo was still staring.

"That means I forgive you. Ah seriously, what is this, what the hell is wrong with me? Whatever Shizu-chan has caught must be contagious –"

"If you were like this more often, maybe we might even be able to get along."

"…Contagious indeed. I'm not sure what you mean by 'like this', I'm always me. There's only one me, Orihara Izaya, the man Shizu-chan hates the most."

"…Tch."

 

Shizuo scoffed as Izaya let go of his arm. He turned, to see Izaya with his eyes revealed and a smile on his face that made Shizuo's expression freeze and his heart pound.

If he didn't know any better, Shizuo would have said Izaya almost looked happy.

Not the usual glee he displayed or that twisted excitement, but happiness and a sense of contentment seemed to emanate from Izaya's being.

Without thinking, Shizuo reached out and placed a hand on Izaya's hair.

 

"…Shizu-chan? What are you doing?"

Shizuo said nothing, merely looked into Izaya's curious eyes as if seeing him for the first time –

And willing to do so.

"You piss me off."

And then Shizuo smiled, meeting Izaya's surprised eyes as he casually said his next words –

"But I guess…fleas wouldn't be fleas if they weren't fleas."

He ruffled Izaya's hair then turned and strode away to the doorway, calling out to the still man behind him.

"I'm going out for a smoke."

"Ah yeah..."

 

 

Shizuo had not said anything sentimental or anything that could touch Izaya's heart. He had not said, 'Stay the way you are' or "Don't change' or "I like you the way you are', like some humans Izaya had observed and been amused by.

Thus, Izaya did not know why he felt strange, as his heart was beating in the way it usually beat in exciting, dangerous situations with his humans and in fights with Heiwajima Shizuo. And why he felt as if he had been accepted even though he had no desire to have been, especially if it was by the only one whom he did not consider human.

"Excuse me?"

He blinked and turned, to see a man heading towards him.

"Orihara-san, I'm here for the appointment -ow!"

"Ah, my bad."

The man winced slightly as he bumped into the fortissimo of Ikebukuro. He only knew this when he raised his gaze and caught sight of the towering man in a bartender suit.

"G-ahhh- H-Heiwa –"

"Yeah yeah, Heiwajima Shizuo here, good day to you."

Shizuo said, as if he was annoyed at all of Izaya's clients overreacting when they saw him.

"G-Good day...?"

The man stuttered, then crept slowly forward away from Ikebukuro's Automatic Fighting Doll as he looked towards the information broker of Shinjuku.

"Uh Orihara-san, why is he here?"

'Is this really safe' - the man's expression seemed to convey.

Izaya blinked again, as if he was trying to clear his mind of the surrealistic experience that had just occurred - and then smirked, straightening on the chair and looking his usual composed self as he waved a hand –

"Oh be rest assured – you have nothing to fear. That beast over there is just for show."

 

" _WHO_  THE HELL IS FOR _SHOOOOWWWWWWWWWW?!"_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kimura is a common Japanese last name and means 'tree village'. Hence the title 'burning trees', with Cancer as the Crab. Matsumoto is also another common Japanese last name, and means 'base of the pine tree' hence Izaya's cynical allusion to fire. Also, kudos to those who got Izaya's pun and double meaning at the end~ Even though he wouldn't admit to the second meaning.


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

**_In which there is Creation of a Second Coincidence and Departure of the Plot_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Is that all you have to ask, Yamada-san?"

"Y-Yes…."

"Right, then I will send the information to you shortly."

"Yeah…"

The man said as he glanced in fear at the man in a bartender suit in the information broker's apartment. He leaned in close.

"Quite a…..bodyguard you've got there, Orihara-san."

"…Oi."

Shizuo had suddenly spoken. The man yelped –

"Y-Yes?!"

"Your face is too close to my flea, get away before I smash it in."

"Yes! I'm sorry!"

The man backed away and shot up from his seat, bowed and ran out of the house as if the monster of Ikebukuro was chasing him.

Silence, except the shuffling of papers, before Izaya spoke.

"'My flea'? Is this some after effect of your drunken behaviour last night?"

Pink rose to Shizuo's cheeks at the memory. He growled low in his throat, turning away so Izaya couldn't see his blush.

"Shut up. You're my flea to kill. He had a fucking gun in his pocket."

Shizuo spoke tersely about the suspicious bulge he had seen in the man's pocket hidden underneath his coat.

"Right. There you go again with your conspiracy theories. Maybe he was just happy to see me."

Izaya gestured obscenely in the air, causing Shizuo to growl.

"Yeah happy to see you dead. Tch I don't know how you've survived this long, I should just kill you and save you the trouble of vigilance which you don't seem to exercise anyway."

"If I didn't exercise vigilance, would I still be alive? Still, I'm surprised your protozoic brain –"

"Knows such an advanced word." Shizuo scoffed as Izaya blinked at him in surprise as he clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Tsk, you always say the same thing."

"Well isn't somebody in a bad mood."

Izaya commented in amusement as Shizuo slammed the papers down on the table.

"With all these dirty bastards coming in and disrupting my peace it fucking pisses me off. So much fucking shit in one place, and HOW MANY FUCKING PAPERS DO YOU HAVE ANYWAY?!"

"Many, as you can see. Now don't complain, you're paying back your debt, and since you chased my secretary away you have to take her role, right? Take some responsibility…..Shizu-chan. You already said you were staying for the whole  _day_."

"…Tch!"

Shizuo resisted the urge to slam his fist down onto Izaya's glass table. Inhaling, he pushed the file aside, then picked up another pile of papers.

Izaya chuckled. He whistled annoyingly, grinning for he was in control once again.

"A bodyguard and a secretary at the same time – quite useful huh? Hey Shizu-chan you haven't broken anything so far so why don't you become my secretary? Then I can fire Namie, she keeps on trying to poison my food! That horrible woman. Shizu-chan can cook, right? You'll be cooking for me everyday! Of course, I'll pay you well."

"Bastard. No matter how much you pay me I will never work for you. Tch, I really pity Namie. How the hell does she deal with you everyday?"

"Awww that hurts," Izaya sneered. But he soon smiled and threw his hands up in the air, spinning around in his swivel chair.

"Because I pay her, of course! People will do anything for money these days, wouldn't you agree? Haha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA –OW!"

Izaya groaned, clutching the side of his head in pain. He raised his gaze to glare at Shizuo, who was smirking.

"What the hell was that for, you brute?!"

"Oh I don't know, my hand slipped. Since I'm such a  _brute_  as you say, my hand automatically moved on its own and threw the file at your annoying face. Oh and here, the colours are back together again."

Izaya dodged the cube that came hurtling at him for the second time, scowled, snatched up the file and threw it back at Shizuo, who caught it with one hand easily.

"Go die."

"Too bad, Izaya- _kun_ , I'm a monster who can't die." Shizuo taunted, smirk widening as he dropped the file on the table. "How helpful of you flea, saving me the trouble of walking over and enduring further of your disgusting presence."

"If I get a bruise you are paying the bills for my medical treatment!"

Shizuo snorted at this as he returned to filing Izaya's numerous papers.

"Yeah then you pay for my gunshot wounds yesterday night. So shut the fuck up flea and leave me in peace."

"…Gunshot wounds?"

"You stupid or what? What weapons do you think assassins use? Knives like you? Well one of them did use a knife but that bastard was fast – ugh thinking about it pisses me off –"

"Shizu-chan you were shot?"

 

Shizuo paused. He turned to look at Izaya.

"Yeah. ….What the hell's with that expression on your face? You're acting weird."

Izaya jolted slightly. He composed himself, schooling his face into a cool expression as he got up and made his way over to Shizuo who sat on the couch Namie usually occupied.

"Let me see your arm."

"Huh –"

"I said let me see your arm!"

When Shizuo replied him with silent surprise, Izaya lost his patience and grabbed the blond man's arm, pulling up the sleeve of the bartender shirt.

Sure enough, there was a gunshot wound. While not deadly and with not as much blood as expected, it was there all the same and the bullet hadn't been removed.

"…..How many times were you shot?"

"I didn't count."

"Estimate."

"..I don't know. Five? Six? Look I'm fine, shit doesn't even hurt. There isn't even blood anymore –"

"That's because you washed it off in the shower!"

"…..What's with you, flea? You're really acting weird."

"….Stand up."

Shizuo was tempted not to, but the look in Izaya's eyes was strange. He shrugged and got up, and promptly had his wrist grabbed – and dragged in the direction of the doorway by the smaller man.

"Hah – oi! What the hell are you doing?!"

"We're going to Shinra."

"What?! But what about your fucking job –"

"That was the last client for the day, Shizu-chan."

"Why the hell –"

"Oh just shut up and follow me, Shizu-chan! Just like you've repaid your debt, I have to repay mine!"

"Yeah my debt - I haven't even finished filing the papers yet because I had to put the colours back together first –"

"Forget about the damn papers, Shizuo! You just got shot several times and you don't care?! Even if you have a monster body you're not immune to bacterial infection! Not to mention lead poisoning! And you showered just now which means there's the possibility of the metal bullet rusting – what the hell were you thinking, you protozoic brain?! Do you want to get that arm amputated?!"

"…..I'm sure it's not that extreme. I'm alive, aren't I?"

Shizuo said cautiously at the fierce look in Izaya's eyes, which turned out to be the wrong thing to say as Izaya glared at him and released him to snatch his coat from the coat rack nearby –

And ended up dropping it onto the floor as his hand was shaking involuntarily and his heart pounding loudly at the image of the bullet wound that was plaguing his mind – and how there were more on other places in Shizuo's body – and why the hell hadn't he noticed when he had seen Shizuo half-naked earlier instead of letting his emotions take control of him – and that those damn assassins had actually been serious in wanting to kill Shizuo just to get to him –

"…Here flea."

Izaya blinked at the feeling of something being draped over his shoulders. He turned back, to see the man in a bartender suit staring at him.

"Don't look at me like that. Wear your coat properly or do I have to do it for you?"

Izaya huffed in reply and slid his arms through the sleeves of his favourite fur trimmed jacket, as Shizuo spoke.

"…You're worried, aren't you?"

"I don't know, is this worry?" Izaya said, for once honest. He sighed at the silence.

"Well whatever, let's just go. We have to get your wounds treated as soon as possible –"

He was cut off by his slight gasp of surprise as his wrist was grabbed, and he was spun to face the blond man.

"Calm down. Calm the hell down, flea. This isn't like you. Your hand is shaking. Look I have no idea why you're so worried but I'm fine, alright? So stop worrying like I'm going to drop dead any moment. I've been filing your stupid papers for so long, haven't I?"

"….Yeah, this isn't like me. If you of all people can tell me it's not like me."

Izaya smiled wryly as he waved his free hand.

"Fine fine I get it, so let me go. But we're still going to Shinra's."

"Yeah yeah." Shizuo said as he dropped Izaya's wrist. Izaya inhaled, then turned.

"So are you going to follow me or do I have to drag you through the streets of Shinjuku and Ikebukuro?"

"I'll follow." Shizuo said calmly. He smiled.

"I don't like you flea but since you're for some reason so worried about me I'd feel guilty if I don't follow you peacefully, hm? Who knows you may have a heart attack and then I'll be the one carrying you to Shinra's."

"Don't flatter yourself, monster." Izaya said, the snide tone back in his voice and it made Shizuo grin.

"Don't misunderstand. It's just, you were – protecting me which is why you got shot and I'm just taking responsibility, alright?"

"Right. Worrying is called taking responsibility now, if the information broker says so."

 

"….Shut up."

Izaya muttered, cheeks warm as he strode out of the doorway of his apartment, followed by a laughing Shizuo.

\- That brute! First he doesn't treat his bullet wounds and now he laughs? What the hell is wrong with him? Does he have a death wish? Doesn't he know how worr-

Izaya paused in his thoughts but not in his steps.

\- ….Fine. I'm worried. But so what? It doesn't mean anything. I still hate Shizu-chan, but I would hate it even more if some assassins I didn't even know about ended up killing him when I can't! I'm the one who is supposed to kill that monster.

\- If I can't kill him, no one else can.

But surprisingly, the thought didn't bring a satisfied smile or grin to his face, it only made his frown deepen at the thought that the monster could be killed by someone other than him -

Not to mention the distraction Shizuo had posed just before he had been caught off guard and stabbed by Yodogiri Jinnai, who had mentioned how Izaya getting Heiwajima Shizuo involved with the Awakusu-kai and Awakusu Akane had been caused trouble for him.

\- ….Tch. He's really messing with my head.

 

As Izaya fumed silently, Shizuo was amused. He could almost see the messy black locks sticking up in the information broker's frustration, and was tempted to make them even messier.

But unlike Izaya, Shizuo was an honest man, and he admitted to himself that he was smiling, as it was nice to have someone worrying about him even though he was such a monster –

And even though it was the flea.

They had reached the first floor, and Shizuo grinned to himself as he followed the worried flea out of the sliding doors of the apartment complex, right across the area where they had faced each other in a would have been serious battle had Celty not interrupted.

He briefly wondered if he should get shot more often so he would be able to see a more human flea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Half an hour later**

 

A middle aged man with curly black hair walked into the luxurious apartment, stepping over the dismantled door, his sharp eyes surveying the area devoid of a living presence.

"…"

"…Tsk that information broker's as slippery as an eel."

He said to himself as he registered the papers messily sprawled over the table, and the swivel chair pushed aside in a fit of panic.

"Who told him I was coming to kill him?"

The Mafia Boss muttered to himself, unable to think of any information source the information broker could get the information from.

He had not even told Luciano and Michele about his intention to finish the information broker of Shinjuku off with his own hands.

\- It can't be a coincidence, right?

\- Twice already; or does the man in a bartender suit have something to do with this?

Severino frowned as he thought of the unpredictable variable. At that moment, his phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out, checking the message he had received.

"…."

Without a word, he pocketed the gun and exited the apartment of the information broker of Shinjuku.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**JR Narita Express to Narita Airport**

"Boss says he's on the way from Shinjuku."

"I see."

"Ahhhhhh, I still can't believe it. The Headless Rider is really headless! Not to mention a woman!"

"Hm."

"And I have a feeling that underground doctor, Kishitani-san, knew Orihara Izaya."

"Maybe."

"What's wrong? Still bitter about your defeat?"

"As if."

"Haha! Right. You know, I really hope we can come back here someday, maybe for a job or something. This city – Ikebukuro, is so interesting. I'll never forget it."

"Same here. I'm curious though."

"Hm?"

"Boss says he's on the way from Shinjuku. Do you think he went to kill the information broker after all?"

"Really? He must have really pissed him off."

"But isn't the man in a bartender suit there?"

"….Probably? We have no idea why he's there in the first place. But…."

"?"

"He may still be there. If he truly doesn't want the information broker dead, why would he leave him vulnerable and unguarded in sleep?"

"That's true. Then, does that mean that Boss failed?"

"He just got out from the hospital, I doubt he'd involve himself in a fight, especially with the man in a bartender suit. Haha he's not stupid like us."

"But he's stubborn. He should have sent a low ranking member in the first place. But since he believes in sincerity in alliance he decided to come himself."

"Weird for a Mafia Boss, huh? Do you disapprove, Luciano?"

"No I don't and that's exactly why I don't disapprove."

"Yeah. We may not even be part of the Mafia but I'm glad he's our Boss. Don Bassini."

"Yeah. But you know what, Michele?"

"What?"

"It would be a weird coincidence if the information broker is not in his apartment. Unlikely, but still a possibility. The man in a bartender suit should have still been there after all and we know what unpredictable things happen with his presence."

"…..Ahahahaha….that would indeed piss Don Bassini off. Come to think of it he didn't even say anything about our failure….."

"….Well we have to survive his wrath and hopefully we'll get back to Italy in one piece."

"Scary."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Izaya may be a bit OOC but considering both times when he was careless and caught off guard was when Yodogiri and Kujiragi mentioned Shizuo (in the novels) I think it's debatable haha. Shizuo is definitely a distraction I think. Also I'm like imagining Michele's reaction when Shinra gushes over Celty he'd be like 'Is that your boyfriend...?' while thinking Celty is a guy xD. But well you can't blame him even Shizuo thought Celty was a guy. And Shinra would be so happy lol and Celty embarrassed.
> 
> A few more chapters to go! This story is nearing the end. I'm participating in Shizaya fluff month on tumblr so I want to finish this by the end of the month haha. 
> 
> The next chapter will be more of an interlude, we'll be going back to the past.


	12. Chapter 12

 

_In which Izaya Saved His Own Life and Shizuo Tastes His Revenge_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It started because of Izaya.

Everything started because of Izaya.

No surprise there.

 

Still, it started because of Izaya.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**The previous day in Ikebukuro**

 

_"GET BAACK HERE YOU DAMN COWAAAAARD AND PAY UP YOUR FUCKING DEBT!"_

 

 

The man in a bartender suit is chasing a man whom, unbeknownst to him, has a look of pure panic on his face.

Bartender suit would have caught the man, but suddenly he's seeing not a retreating back but many faces.

"THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS?!"

"We're here to pay you back, Heiwajima Shizuo! We got the information from a certain information broker that you –"

These guys were clearly dumb, so Shizuo didn't feel the tiniest guilt when he smashed his fist into the man's face and sent him crashing against a nearby wall, the impact of his head making him dumber than he already was.

"Get out of the way." He says calmly, because he doesn't recognize the guys and it isn't the guys' fault they were dumber than the flea.

But it is the guys' fault they were dumb enough to charge at him after seeing what had been done to one of them, and he snaps, giving in to his anger and blind rage.

When he can see clearly again, bodies twisted in ways bodies should not be twisted are around him and blood is on the walls. And the man he was chasing is nowhere in sight. Shizuo growls and stalks back to where he had started the chase.

His colleagues are there, and the other debtor is on his knees, fear on his face as a knife is held to his neck.

"Speak."

It's fortunate that Vorona speaks first, for it helps him focus on the current situation instead of a smirking annoying bastard the knife reminds him of.

"I don't have the money! It's with the other guy! He was the one who borrowed it! He's the one in debt – not me –"

It's also fortunate that Vorona knocked him out before he could finish his sentence, for had she not, Shizuo would have done something worse to the guy who was too much of a coward to assume responsibility – which was once again like that fucking flea.

"….I'm sorry." He says once he's managed to get his anger under control.

"I lost him. There were these bastards sent by the flea who came out of nowhere and distracted me. They wouldn't let me go, so I had to beat them up."

"It's not your fault, Shizuo," Tom says, but sighs, "Izaya is still doing stuff like that huh?"

"Yeah." He turns to his kouhai. "Sorry, Vorona. I set such a bad example, huh?"

Vorona's smart, so he doesn't have to say more, and she replies. "Negative. Not Shizuo-sempai's fault. Shizuo-sempai couldn't have foreseen the distraction – thus to avoid such distractions in the future, I request, to exterminate the flea, Orihara Izaya."

"Nah," he says, "Killing is bad, didn't I say? I'll kill him myself."

"…But Shizuo-sempai is not bad."

She tilts her head at him and looks at him with puzzled sky blue eyes and he feels almost embarrassed, "Yeah. I mean, no. I'm bad. I mean, I'm not bad yet since I haven't killed the flea yet, but I will be bad. The flea makes me bad. Anyway I'm already a bad person."

"Negative." Vorona says simply. "I proclaim, to be worse than Shizuo-sempai assumes."

That makes him laugh goodnaturedly. "You, bad?" He reaches out and pats her hair fondly, "No way."

He withdraws his hand when Vorona just looks at him, and Tom speaks, "It's a pity he got away. He really borrowed a lot of money from the Boss – but it's not your fault Shizuo."

"Yeah."

Tom sighs and pats his shoulder, as if sensing his own anger at himself and the flea.

"There's only one more guy, so why don't you have the day off? Vorona and I can handle this from here."

"But –"

"No buts Shizuo, go and clear your head, or as you said, you'll just be setting a bad example to Vorona."

That gets him, for what kind of sempai would he be if he set a bad example to his kouhai? She's his first kouhai, so he doesn't want to screw things up like he always does, in the first job he managed to keep.

"You're right, Tom-san. Then, I'm going. Sorry Vorona."

"Apologies unnecessary, I bid you a good rest."

He smiles at her appreciatively and then leaves. And walks through the streets of Ikebukuro, frustrated at himself and pissed off at the flea who's still managed to get him after all this time.

He looks around but there's no flea in sight, and it pisses him off even more for he can't bash the bastard in for causing him trouble. Just as he's thinking of going to Shinjuku to kill the bastard once and for all, a big man stops in front of him.

"O, Shi-zu-o! What wrong? You look unhappy! Is it puberty?"

"Flea." He answers tersely, "Going to kill."

"Kill? Oh no, killing bad! Sushi good – why don't you come in have sushi? Free!"

"No thanks –"

"What does Shizuo have to lose?"

"…."

And that's how he finds himself in Russia Sushi, there for who knows what. But Simon is right, he has nothing to lose – except perhaps the murder of a flea – and the money needed to get from Ikebukuro to Shinjuku.

\- Oh well, might as well spend the money on food. I can get that bastard another time.

And his stomach agrees with him as well. The sushi's not that bad though he would prefer something sweet. And the sake's not bad either –

Wait.

Sake?

"Simon, I don't drink."

"Mind not, only sake. Sad men drown sorrows in sake, yes?"

"…Tch."

He takes off his sunglasses and slides them carefully inside the pocket of his pants. He stares at the cup of sake in his hand.

The weather's hot and he's thirsty. Only sake, he tells himself. It's not as if he's gurgling down beer or anything. It's not as if he's going to get drunk off sake, right? Anyway the sake's cool against his throat, and it feels as if his anger has faded away –

"Simon…..more."

"Ok, Shi-zuo!"

\- So this is why people get drunk

Shizuo thinks somewhat blearily. He would hate drinking on any other occasion but he's too pissed off to care. Actually he isn't so pissed off now, he even feels lighter and – happier? He wonders what sake is made of. He wonders if Simon will let him buy a bunch home.

He's not sure when he's stopped thinking and continued drinking. He vaguely remembers Simon saying something about the name whirling around and around in his hazy head, and stumbling out of the chair and into the open.

 

There's something called the flea. He's been searching for the flea. The flea is there.

The flea's name is that name in his head – Izaya.

He doesn't remember much of what happens after that, but he remembers the happiness at seeing the flea he's been searching for, and that the flea is fluffy – no wait that's his jacket (probably bought from a flea market), and that the flea's neck is really nice, and the fluffy flea feels nice in his arms, and the flea's annoyance –

And the anger when the flea ignores him to talk to a guy named Shiki (that guy gets Shiki- _san_  and he gets Shizu-chan? What the hell was a Shizu-chan anyway?).

In retrospect, Shizuo thinks his drunk self is the protozoic brain Izaya is always talking about, for he doesn't blame the flea like the normal him would do and instead blames the guy who captures the flea's attention.

Because the flea is his. His to kill. And how could the flea not pay attention to him when the flea forces Shizuo to pay attention to him?

It gets him mad, especially as after they leave the Awakusu-kai the flea goes to meet other men. As if the flea didn't meet enough men.

And Shizuo is forced to meet other men with the flea.

And the men the flea meets are scared of him and that pisses him off even more and he wants to beat them up (again) but the flea doesn't allow him to for they are his 'clients'. Hah!  _Clients._  More like 'people to screw the life of even though they may screw him over in return'.

It gets him mad, and he glares at all the dirty men the flea meets (and beats the first batch of them up before the flea gets angry and forbids him from doing so to the next few), releasing the flea only when he needs to (like when to beat the first batch up), or rather when the flea needs to provide his fucking information to those dirty men, and when the meetings are done he hangs onto the flea all the way to the taxi, glares at anyone who dares to even look at his flea, nuzzles his flea in the taxi except when the flea is down, almost beats up the taxi driver who keeps on staring at his flea but doesn't because the flea touches his arm and sounds tired even when saying, "Shizu-chan", nuzzles the flea again all the way back to the apartment, for the flea is his –

Not in that way, but Shizuo knows his brain is lazy and his drunk brain must be even more addled and lazy and can only compute certain words in his limited vocabulary. Like 'Flea' and 'Mine'. And 'Kill'. But 'Not Today'. Because 'Flea is nice to hug'.

The only thing that's stopping him from dying of embarrassment (is that even possible?) is the memory of Izaya's annoyance which makes the whole situation a lot better.

For once, it's the flea who's annoyed, not him.

It makes Shizuo grin in triumph.

It's still making Shizuo grin in triumph.

 

Back at the apartment, he's still latching on to the flea because the flea really is nice to hold – since when was the flea so nice to hold –

And then the flea says something about No Nuzzling and that makes him – his drunk self 'Shizu-chan' (because he seemed retardedly attached to the flea who is the only one who calls him that retarded nickname) sad, because he likes the flea's neck, it's the only good part of his entirely shitty being –

There's another part on the flea which looks soft (What was it again?) so he touches his lips to that instead, then the flea is  _pushing him away_  and he's facing a woman.

She says something about the flea being afraid and it makes him sad, because Izaya was never afraid.

But the flea is the master at pissing him off since the flea even manages to piss his drunk self Shizu-chan off by still not paying attention to him.

He's paying attention to a woman called Namie (he's pretty sure her name is Namie since he thinks he asked for her name sometime and because he needs more than one hand to count the number of times the flea said her name) instead and it's not the woman's fault but it annoys Shizuo all the same.

But he's soon happy again for he can soon hug the flea again for the woman Namie (He's 90% sure it's Namie and not something like Namu, damn it-is that even a girl's name?) is nice and gives the flea he's been searching for (to kill) to him.

Then the flea offers him his fluffy coat (He still doesn't know why, and it stunk of Flea) and he throws it away because the flea's hair is fluffier (Surprisingly). 

The woman soon leaves and he notices the flea doesn't look happy. He wonders if the flea wants her instead of him. Because as he hugs the flea, he wants the flea. (Hell knows why)

But the flea doesn't want the woman Namie yet doesn't want him either but the flea is still his so that's okay (Really, what the fuck did Simon put in that sake?)

He only lets the flea go when the flea says please and promises not to go away (for when has the flea ever said  _please_ and when has the flea ever  _not run away?_ )

The flea is suddenly angry when he wants to sleep with his flea. He also looks exhausted, so Shizuo –  _Shizu-chan_  takes pity on him and bids the flea goodnight with a kiss (that was supposed to be a bite instead damn it) on the forehead.

The flea responds by slamming the door in his face and yelling 'Goodnight' – not to his face (coward, as usual).

 

He sleeps on the flea's couch as the flea wants him to that night, and he wakes up to find that he's not Shizu-chan but Heiwajima Shizuo again, and holding Orihara Izaya, entropy personified. He only manages to not strangle entropy personified for said entropy personified doesn't really look like entropy personified. He looks more like peace personified.

The events flash back to him (Simon must have put some damn memory recalling drug in that fucking sake) and he shoots up. The man who looks more like peace personified mumbles sleepily and snuggles closer to him, mumbling "Shizu-chan…"

He nearly snaps then, but he can't snap in front of a flea who doesn't even know he's going to snap and is still clinging on to him like he's the safest place on earth – and like he hadn't done anything wrong.

But then he's reminded he's also caused trouble for the flea. Because the flea was annoyed, just like the flea often annoys him. Which puts him in kind of a dilemma to be pissed off or not. Which has never happened before.

And the flea looks peaceful and he likes peace. But he hates the flea.

He pushes the flea away and settles his dilemma outside as he angrily smokes on a cigarette, because it's easier to be pissed off than not.

 

When he goes back into the apartment without even knowing why, there are two guys who think they're being discreet.

Because Lady Luck wasn't on his side, the guys are assassins who want to kill the flea who apparently pissed off some Mafia Boss (greedy bastard couldn't even stick to Japan's underworld, could he?)

And it pisses him off again, for the flea is his to kill.

He tries to tell the guys this, but they are as stubborn as the flea and don't listen. He snaps when one of the guys has a death wish for he assumes he's the flea's lover and the door is in his hands.

And it pisses him off even more for when he's calm enough to drop the door, he realizes it's the flea's apartment door and he has to pay for it.

But the guys are good guys (the blond actually told him their intentions and that he didn't want to harm an innocent) so he still tries to give them a chance, he would be even more pissed off if he had to harm guys better than the flea because of the flea.

But of course they're still as stubborn as the flea and the battle begins before he even knows. He's shot and stabbed and he punches and throws and snaps when he sees a _flying_   _knife._

Before he knows it, the assassins are flying past the stars in the night sky.

He feels a little guilty for sending good guys flying but not so much because he's more pissed off than anything. And in another dilemma. Because he can't even kill the peacefully sleeping flea for causing him so much trouble, or can he?

His conscience nags at him and he ends up going back to the flea's apartment anyway for he did break down the flea's door and he's a guy to take responsibility, not like the flea.

The flea isn't on the couch, so he goes to the bedroom. He finds the flea snuggled up in the covers, somehow looking lonely in his sleep.

Then the flea's half asleep, half awake and saying stuff he would never say while he was conscious. So Shizuo takes the chance to get the flea to be honest for once.

To get the information the information broker owed him.

And the flea is – honest. Painfully honest. And clears his dilemma. The flea says he only has him. And that he was saying such for Shizuo was drunk.

Maybe this is that 1%, Shizuo thinks. So if this is that 1% of trustworthiness he had the generosity to give the flea, maybe this is that 1% he thought didn't exist.

And maybe he should make some returns on investment, and give that 1% back to the flea.

So Shizuo decides to stay with the lonely flea who only has him and who technically doesn't even have him.

And for once, he thinks. About the flea. About Izaya. He holds the flea (turns out his drunk self was right that the flea's body was nice to hold) close and thinks.

 

 

He doesn't really remember what he thought when he wakes up before the flea. But he wonders if it's something mind changing for he feels no desire to kill the sleeping flea, and he's not so angry anymore at the flea sending those guys after him during his job. The flea has a reason for everything, so maybe he has a reason for that too. Besides pissing Shizuo off that is.

But maybe there's a reason why he wants to piss Shizuo off so badly. The flea was so annoyed yesterday, perhaps Shizuo pisses him off as well?

His smile at that thought is wiped away by his pounding headache. Or hangover. Whatever.

Sighing, he runs his fingers through the flea's soft hair for a reason he doesn't even know and goes to take a bath –

Or would have, had the doorbell not suddenly rung.

The flea stirs, mumbles something, but stays asleep. So Shizuo goes to get the door.

 

 

The woman from yesterday is standing there when he opens the door (the one that he didn't dismantle anyway, why did the flea have to have two doors?). She looks at him in bemusement.

"You're still here?"

He shrugs, and she says, "Are you staying?"

"I guess."

"I thought you hated him."

"Yeah but I have a debt to pay."

"What an honourable man."

He can't tell if she's being sarcastic or not. Especially as she's speaking again.

"Do you remember?"

"What's it to you?"

She's testing his patience and his pounding headache, and his need for a bath and his policy to not hit women, all at the same time. As expected of someone associated with the flea.

She looks at him as if understanding, "You have a hangover, don't you?" He's about to reply, when she says. "Here."

She's holding out a pill towards him. He stares at it for a moment, and she says, "It's not poisonous. You're not the one I want to poison. Take it as thanks for causing that bastard trouble yesterday. It's a product from my former company, Yagiri Pharmaceuticals. It's a medical company."

"Former?"

"Izaya."

"Ah." He says, for that explains everything. "Why?"

She shrugs and doesn't look like she wants to talk about it, so he doesn't pry. He's not like the flea. He takes the pill from her hand for he feels he can trust her since she doesn't like the flea either, and pops it into his mouth without water.

"I usually use it for headaches, but it should work for hangovers too."

"Headaches?"

"Izaya." She says again and he immediately sympathizes. He goes to get a glass of water to make sure the pill stays down.

"Hey, what's your name again?" He says, to confirm. He's bad at remembering people's names. Really bad. Till now he doesn't know if the Kid is Ryuugasaki or Ryuuga - something. He thinks it's Ryuugasaki. And there's that girl he can't recall the name of.

"Namie. Yagiri Namie."

…Well, it seems he's got it right this time – who wouldn't, with the flea saying her name a little less than ten times? With no honorific too. Though she's spared from the abominable honorific the flea gives his name – or not even his name, since his name isn't 'Shizu' or 'Shizuka' or god forbid 'Shizuko' but  _Shizuo_ , damn it.

Though, from the looks of it, she isn't someone who can be 'chan-ed' – even though she's female. Even Izaya that bastard must see that.

Yet, it's not like  _he's_  someone who can be 'chan-ed' either, but even vending machines and signposts don't seem to convince the bastard flea to not toy with his name. He'd pondered once on returning the favour with 'Izaya-chan', but the mere sound of it in his head makes him shudder in disgust. Especially since he'd heard the girl Kadota has in his gang calling Izaya 'Iza-chan'. Ugh.

He wonders how Kadota has managed to stay sane so far. He respects, even admires the man. Really.

"Right. Thanks, Yagiri-san –"

"Just Namie is fine. You're much more polite than your drunk self."

"…Namie-san."

"Namie, or would you rather I call you Heiwajima-san?"

"No, just Shizuo is fine."

"Then just Namie is fine." She says and he relents. "While I appreciate the respect, Izaya uses that honorific mockingly and I'd rather not be reminded."

"Right. Namie." He realizes she's not such a bad person, even though she's associated with the flea. That's one thing his drunk self got right.

They exchange a smile of understanding of mutual suffering by the flea, and she says, "Well if you're staying, tell him I'm taking the day off, will you?" He looks questioningly at her and she says. "I'm his secretary. And his housekeeper, apparently. Bastard makes me cook for him. This would be a great chance to get away from that bastard for a day."

"Yeah I understand. Go ahead."

"Thanks." She says, turning away.

"Hey, Namie." He says, without even knowing why, and she looks at him curiously.

He blames his brain for being slow. Especially with the fading but still there hangover.

"Any idea what the flea – Izaya likes? For breakfast I mean."

"Izaya? That guy likes any food as long as it's made by someone. Said it tells him the personality of the person or some crap like that."

"…What the hell's with that?"

"Don't ask me. Though occasionally he'd demand me to make a Western breakfast for him." She scoffs, then shrugs. "Sometimes I think Japan is too boring for him and he wants to go to some place like America where it's legal to keep a gun or something. Though, he's too much of a coward to ever kill or shoot anybody. Well, not like I care."

"Is that so."

"You're making breakfast for him?"

"In case I'm forced to. I don't want to hear him whining that I didn't cook his favourite food."

"Want some poison?"

"?"

Shizuo looks questioningly at the tiny bottle Namie holds in her hand.

"Don't you want to get rid of him once and for all?"

She has a point. He had infiltrated the flea's territory and he could just poison the flea's food and the flea would be dead.

But poison is too much of a cowardly tactic (sounds like something the flea would use), at least to him, and he frowns at her.

"No, no thanks."

"I see." Namie says, smiling wryly as she keeps the bottle that is potentially poison. "Ironically, Izaya didn't want to poison you either."

"…Seriously?"

"I've suggested it to him because he keeps on complaining about you but he refused. Saying he wants to make you suffer then kill you." She scoffs, "I told him poison would bring you great pain and suffering. He still insists on killing you by his own hand, which is impossible, as everyone knows."

"…..I see."

He says, feeling surprised that the flea is not as much of a coward as he had thought. And that they had something in common.

"You know, you're nowhere as bad as Izaya or your reputation makes you out to be." She says, and he blinks.

"Oh by the way, you better wake that lazy bastard up. He has an appointment at 9.45 AM."

And then she turns and makes her way out of the doorway, past the other half of the double doors. He stares at her in surprise for a while, thinks vaguely that she's a nice woman, and then turns to go take a shower.

 

The flea's still asleep when he enters the bedroom, his phone shows that it's one and a half hour before 9.45AM, and he leaves him that way as he enters the bathroom next to the bedroom (to get rid of flea germs). He sheds his clothes and gets into the shower, letting the warm water wash over his body. There's red on the wet floor and he realizes its blood from the gunshot wounds by the assassin (Mikhail? Whatever) but it doesn't hurt, so he brushes it off easily.

He gets out of the shower, and decides to soak himself in the flea's bathtub. His hangover is almost completely gone (why would Izaya shut down such a good pharmaceutical company, he would never know).

It feels like heaven. When he feels relaxed enough, he gets out, ties one of the towels on the rack nearby around his waist and starts to dry himself with the other, walking around and letting the water drip away, when the door opens and the flea skips in.

He stares at the flea. The flea stares at him.

"Oh flea. You're awake."

The flea is still staring at him.

"Hey, you –ow."

He's rewarded for his words by a punch to his face and the slam of the door in his face – which of course pisses him off.

But the flea is pissed off too and is screaming at him like a scandalized woman. And that pisses him off even more for how dare the flea act like it was  _his_ fault?

A shouting match ensues and then the flea orders him to stay put and storms off. He's pissed off and wants to break down the bathroom door especially when the flea doesn't seem to accept that he'll explain about his broken apartment door later, until he hears the flea talking to himself about his clingy behaviour in bed yesterday and he can't help but laugh.

Of course, he isn't like the flea who laughs at others behind their backs and so he tells the flea to shut up. But the flea doesn't appreciate his kindness and yells at him to shut up, which somehow makes him even more amused.

He's soon fully clothed again and his hair dryer than before. When he's stepped out of the bathroom to the room with the sink, he walks and opens the door – and promptly catches a falling flea.

The flea is still an ungrateful bastard and complains and whines and blames Shizuo instead of saying a simple thank you, so Shizuo decides to hold him captive instead. Because he likes seeing the flea out of control and  _angry_.

And because he likes the flea's neck. He really likes the flea's neck. He doesn't know why but it tastes sweet – maybe it's the taste of revenge?

The flea also seems less shitty when he tastes the soft neck. But the flea can't go one second without pissing him off though and he's soon deprived of that nice taste and he's even more pissed off. But the flea has a point that Shizuo is….assaulting him  _and_  he has to repay his debt (that doesn't make him any less deprived of that sweet taste though) so he tells the flea he'll prepare breakfast and to go cleanse that stink (as much as a shitty flea can anyway).

Or he might just attack the flea's neck again. And maybe other soft places.

Surprisingly, the flea is obedient and retreats into his bedroom. So Shizuo goes to reluctantly prepare the flea breakfast -

After he looks around the information broker's apartment which seems to double as his office (his  _real_  office).

But even the memory of Izaya tricking him into a potential conflict with the Awakusu-kai is not enough to curb his sudden satisfaction. He's smiling as he searches the flea's fridge for the ingredients for the flea's breakfast. But he's not really searching, he's more thinking of how he prefers this annoyed, out of control flea.

It doesn't even bother him that much that the flea manipulated him somehow into becoming his temporary bodyguard, for if he hadn't sent those bastards Shizuo wouldn't have gotten drunk in his frustration and then he wouldn't have accompanied the flea to his apartment. Though the flea probably didn't know that, for he was too annoyed to. So perhaps it wasn't the flea's intention for once.

Still, it doesn't bother him that he saved the flea's life, that the flea made Shizuo save his life.

Because for once he has the advantage. The flea seems really annoyed at his presence and his actions and everything about him and Shizuo relishes in Izaya's annoyance.

He doesn't know what he's doing to make the flea so annoyed, but whatever it is, it's definitely better than throwing signposts and vending machines and chasing the flea all over Ikebukuro and never managing to catch the slippery bastard.

Yes it's definitely better, for exerting violence on the flea only ends up with him pissed off in the end – always, and the bastard escaping – always.

\- Tsk. This match is mine, Izaya.

Shizuo thinks with a triumphant grin.

 

Unbeknownst to him, as he searches the fridge but not really, a man (client) is going to enter through Izaya's apartment door (or lack thereof) soon enough – pissing him off with his mere presence alone.

The man in a bartender suit was about to find out a day with Orihara Izaya aka The Flea would be nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster.

And Orihara Izaya aka The Flea was about to find out the same with the man in a bartender suit –

Who was resolute on his first victory –

As well as his revenge.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

 

_In which there are Potentially Poisonous Bullets, Shinra is Sharp, Hatred is Selfish and Izaya is Not Worried_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Ikebukuro, afternoon, outside Russia Sushi**

"SIIIIIMOOOON!"

People gasped as the name which resounded in Ikebukuro by the roar of a monster had suddenly changed.

"Hoooooh! Shizu-O!"

As he said the last syllable, Simon dodged the feared fist of the blond man, who was glaring at him as if he had replaced Izaya as his target.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Kill? What I do? Killing bad –"

"SHUT UP!"

Simon catches Shizuo's fist with his big hand, though he's pushed back by the monster of Ikebukuro's strength.

Whispers were surmounting now, at the prospect of a fight between two of Ikebukuro's strongest men – the tall Russian Sushi Chef and the Man in a Bartender Suit.

"Shiz-uo, we not fight, fighting bad! Shizu-o peaceful man yes?"

Simon ducked from a punch that could damage even his head badly as he leapt back, holding up his hands in peaceful surrender towards the panting and glaring Shizuo.

"HOW DARE YOU GET ME DRUNK?! DO YOU KNOW HOW –"

Shizuo paused as warmth filled his cheeks, not wanting to declare to the whole of Ikebukuro that it was embarrassing –

"ARGHHHHHH- HOW DARE YOU?! I'M GONNA KILL YOU KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL – DIEEEEEEE SIMOOOOOON!"

People whispered amongst themselves and a distance away where he had been left, Izaya sighed, jumped down from the building, and strode to the scene of the fight.

"Shizu-chan, Simon, if I may interrupt –"

"Oooh, Iza-ya! You well yes?"

Izaya blinked, then realized. "Simon, you –"

"FIGHT ME DAMN IT, SIMON!"

"….."

Izaya shook his head as he watched the fight that had the potential to be brutal.

"Shizu-chan."

"I SAID STOP DODGING AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"

"Sorry no, I no fight! Fighting no bring peace!"

"YOU –"

"HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!"

Both men froze and turned to the raven haired man who had shouted as loudly as what remnants of his reputation had allowed him to.

"What, flea?"

"What are we here for?"

"Hah?"

"Treatment, you protozoic brain! For your bullet wounds?"

Izaya said so sarcastically that Shizuo had the decency to look vaguely embarrassed.

"Bullet wounds? Shi-zuo shot?" Simon inquired in concern. "Bad, even if Shi-zuo! Michele no show mercy."

"Michele?" Izaya asked.

"Bassini assassin."

"….!"

"Mikeh – argh whatever his name is! Simon you know that guy?!"

"I had bad feeling, Izaya make bad move with Bassini."

"Bassini? The hell's a Bassini?"

"Bassini Mafia Boss." Simon lowered his voice, eyes serious. "King Cobra, dangerous. Izaya."

"Ah, that Mafia Boss the flea pissed off." Shizuo said in realization.

"Yes yes, Shi-zuo protect Izaya, Izaya alive!" Simon beamed. "Shizuo and Izaya now peaceful!"

"But," he said before Shizuo could snap, "Izaya right. Shi-zuo should get treatment. Michele maybe use poison bullet."

"Poison bullet?" Izaya said before he could stop himself.

"Yes. Illegal, dangerous, Bassini Mafia weapon. Michele invent. Genius."

"….Well I suppose an illegal organization like the Mafia would use illegal weapons." Izaya said. "Still, a poison bullet."

"Impossible. I'm still alive, aren't I? I'm still standing."

Shizuo scoffed, but Izaya didn't seem to buy his logic. The flea grabbed his arm without his permission and before he could protest, said to Simon –

"Then, Shizu-chan and I are going."

He paused, then spoke again -

"….Thanks, Simon. I owe you."

It seemed those words were said with sincerity and Simon smiled, waving as he watched Izaya drag Shizuo away.

"Take care, Iza-ya! Shi-zuo!"

"Yeah."

"What the hell, flea?! Let go before I break your arm!"

"Then don't go rampaging off again."

"….What's the hell's with you?"

"Who knows." Izaya said, because he really didn't know. "You're screwing up my head."

At the silence, he turned to look back at Shizuo, who was grinning very annoyingly.

"Yeah for you to give me such information free of charge I'm really screwing up your head huh?"

"Does Simon's sake have some brain-enhancing property?" Izaya bit back, not liking the warmth on his cheeks.

Shizuo's grin just widened.

Murmurs surrounded them for they were together and not trying to kill each other. Of course, it didn't take long for Shizuo to snap.

"THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS STARING AT?!"

The monster's roar drives all his humans away which Izaya is glad for, for once. He didn't want his humans to see him in such an out of control state.

He hadn't bothered being discrete because the monster is screwing up his head. And because his reputation is already ruined from yesterday's forced shenanigan with the monster who is screwing up his head.

So Izaya had decided to let the rumours spread until he got the beast treated and repaid  _his_  debt to the debt collector, and then he would embark on damage control after this whole surreal fiasco.

It didn't stop him from being annoyed though, his only relief was that Shizuo was annoyed too.

At least they're  _both_  annoyed now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Half an hour later, outside an upscale apartment on Kawagoe Highway**

"It's the apocalypse! APOCOLYPSE –Mphhhhh-"

Having covered Shinra's mouth with her shadows, Celty flashed her PDA with a shaking hand to Shizuo  _and_  Izaya.

[Why are you two together?! Wait you aren't really together aren't you?! Shizuo you still haven't told me why you were at Izaya's place! I mean, it was you who I spoke to in the chatroom just now and not an alien right?!

Wait would an alien even know how to use technology – or maybe they use their own technology?! Y-You and Izaya aren't aliens right?!]

"Why hello to you too courier." Izaya said with an amused smile. "Shizu-chan and I are on a truce, so to speak. Rest your worries – or shadows."

"Tch." Shizuo said by way of reply as he brushed away a stray shadow that had come near him. "We're not aliens, Celty."

"C-Celty l-lo-can't breath-eeeee…."

Shinra's fading voice seemed to have snapped Celty out of her panic, for she removed her shadows from Shinra's mouth, causing him to choke and hold onto his abused throat.

[I'm sorry Shinra, are you alright?]

"Fine, Celty…."

Shinra gave his love a brave smile. He then turned to Izaya and Shizuo, clearing his throat.

"I always knew there was something between you two – RUFNEUNFEJKFJKD S-SORR-"

[Shizuo!]

Celty flashed, as at the same time Izaya spoke.

"Put him down Shizu-chan, he's your doctor remember? You can kill him later for his disgusting insinuation."

"THERE IS SOMETHING BETWEEN THE FLEA AND ME? HUH, SHINRRRRAAAA?!"

"NOOOOO – ACCCCCK."

Shizuo dropped Shinra roughly on the ground, and he held onto his poor, abused throat, hacking and coughing.

"Right….w-whyy…?"

"Shizu-chan here got himself shot."

[Shot?!]

"Yeah. And before you ask, it's my business because he got shot because of me."

Izaya said, and both Shinra and Celty stared at him.

"Anyway that's all you need to know, so won't you treat this monster here who thinks bullet wounds are like knife cuts? Even though those bullets are potentially poisonous?"

"I told you they're not poisonous, flea -"

"Potentially." Izaya repeated, looking pointedly at Shinra, who blinked.

"Right. But Izaya…."

His only friend tilted his head, staring at him with a half bemused, half puzzled look.

"Why are you so worried? About Shizuo of all people?"

"Worried?"

Izaya said.

"What worry? I'm not worried at all. I'm just annoyed. Very annoyed. Because I have to take responsibility for this beast's wounds. When all I want is for him to die. But by my hand. So, I'm not worried, I'm just annoyed that someone tried to kill Shizu-chan who's supposed to be my prey. And I'm even more annoyed because Shizu-chan did save my life and that's why he got shot and so that's why I have to take responsibility. And did I mention I have to pay for his medical treatment? So I'm very annoyed. And I'm not worried at all."

With those words, Izaya stalked past Shinra into the apartment, fuming under his breath. Shinra, Celty and Shizuo stared after him for a moment, before the brave soul broke the silence –

"….He's definitely worried."

He yelped in surprise as he barely evaded a knife that came flying at him from inside his own house.

"I heard that, Shinra."

"Ahahaha…."

Shinra chuckled nervously, then turned to Celty and Shizuo and murmured in a voice that Izaya couldn't hear –

"See?"

It was only because of Celty's shadows that the second knife avoided puncturing his back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I know not what is this worry you speak of."

"I didn't even say anything about worry."

Izaya wasn't pouting. Nope, he was frowning very deeply. Very very deeply. A very manly, deep frown. Not a childish, girlish pout.

"….I'm not pouting."

He said when Shinra stared at him as if thinking he was indeed pouting, which he was not.

"I didn't say you were pouting."

"You were accusing me with your staring."

Izaya countered, and Shinra just smiled at him in amusement.

"He brings out your sensitive side, I see."

"Say that again and you'll have to stich up your own wound."

Shinra chuckled in reply, but noticed Izaya looking at him.

"Don't worry, he's fine."

Izaya bit back the retort that he wasn't worried since Shinra didn't seem to believe his words.

"How much do I owe you?"

Unfortunately, Shinra didn't seem to acknowledge his attempt to change the topic as he spoke at the same time –

"You know, Celty brought in two men yesterday. Oh at first I was devastated because I thought Celty was cheating on me – but she said they pissed off Shizuo." Shinra hummed with a casual smile.

"Does this have anything to do with Shizuo's bullet wounds, Izaya?"

"You think?"

Izaya asked as he stared out from the balcony, and Shinra sent him an amused glance.

"Considering they're foreigners who pissed off Shizuo, I'd think they were assassins coming to kill you. Since they're foreigners and all and normal foreigners wouldn't piss off the man in a bartender suit, his reputation transcends Ikebukuro. Really, what did you do this time? Maybe you were behind the Yakuza war on the news? Celty was watching the news yesterday morning, and she said it was probably your doing."

As he spoke Shinra rested his elbows on the balcony railing casually, gesturing as if he was speaking about a hypothetical situation when he was speaking to the mastermind of said Yakuza war –

"Still, I didn't know the Yakuza would hire assassins. Or maybe someone else happened to get injured in the crossfire? Those guys didn't look American, so not the American mafia maybe. But perhaps, it's still the mafia – the original mafia? You know, from Italy. Ah but still that wouldn't make sense why they would seek to kill you, unless the guy from the mafia figured out you're behind his injury. Which he wouldn't have been able to if he wasn't in contact with you."

"….It's almost scary how sharp you are sometimes, Shinra."

"Well, since Nakura-kun recently came to me for plastic surgery I just put two and two together. It isn't that hard to guess, really. He said you sent him to the Yamaguchi-gumi's hideout to obtain some illegal weapons for the Awakusu-kai. Now that's a dangerous mission. I figured you had to have done something for him to still be alive."

"So you knew all along."

Shinra just shrugged with a smile at Izaya's look. "It's not really any of my business."

"I'm just surprised that if it weren't for Shizuo, you would be dead. When he's the one always trying to kill you. This time he actually saves you! Haha! It's like a miracle, isn't it?"

Shinra laughed heartily, as Izaya turned his face away.

"Who knows, since he saved your life, and you were worried –"

"I'm not worried."

"– For his bullet wounds when you yourself know how indestructible he is, perhaps you two will finally be able to get along! I'm still waiting for the day that happens, you know."

"You'll have to wait forever. Shizu-chan and I will never get along. This is just a one time thing. It doesn't mean anything."

Izaya said as he twirled a lock of black hair idly, as Shinra leaned his back against the balcony.

"Haha. Is that so? It's some progress though! Ah but of course, as long as I have Celty I don't really care about you two and your troubles. Just, the tension is tiring sometimes. Oh of course Celty's presence makes everything better –"

Izaya tuned Shinra out as his friend began to ramble about his Dullahan's loveliness and how she could ease even the animosity between him and Shizuo.

\- Me and that brute, on good terms?

\- Impossible, Shinra.

\- He hates me

\- And I hate him

\- He probably protected me 'cause if anyone's gonna kill me, it's him

\- He's simple minded like that.

\- The miracle is that I'm still alive.

"And did I tell you Celty's cooking is getting better? You really should try her cooking sometime! Oh and bring Shizuo along with you too. Hey since he stayed with you yesterday night did you two sleep in the same bed? Eh kinda gross. Or did you make him sleep on the couch? Oh and is Shizuo a good cook? If he is, he and Celty should cook together, Celty's looking for someone who can teach her cooking! Don't worry since he'll be cooking with Celty he won't poison your food, my Celty has too big of a heart even for a horrible person like you."

"I don't know about that brute's cooking and I don't want to know."

Izaya lied easily, which Shinra saw through just as easily –

"Ah, really? You cooked breakfast then? I'm surprised Shizuo ate the food you cooked for him. Wouldn't you have poisoned it? Or maybe he felt guilty for troubling you yesterday – he is a good person you know? Shizuo, I mean. Celty always says so. Eh but you know he kind of criticized me when I said I want to selfishly possess Celty and I would be the villain for that – he said it's twisted even for love! Now that was a surprise."

Shinra spoke rapidly, smiling at Izaya who was still not looking at him.

"Of course, that moment has yet to come, since there already is a villain, right Izaya?"

"Nice to know I've influenced even you." Izaya said, "And you call me bad. At least I –"

He paused, and Shinra's smile turned curious.

"Hm? You?"

"Nothing." Izaya said smoothly, as if he hadn't stopped talking at all and his heart wasn't beating a little faster for a reason he didn't know.

"You know, I'm still waiting for you to cut off your ties with Shizu-chan, I'd accept it as repentance for you introducing a monster into my life and corrupting my vast love for humanity."

"Why would Shizuo corrupt your vast love for humanity?"

"Because he's a monster and I love only humans." Izaya waved a hand.

"You see, if Shizu-chan didn't exist, I would be able to love all of humanity. But since he exists, I can't love all of humanity and that's very unfair, don't you think? I, who loves humans unilaterally can't love all of them because one of them isn't human. That's why, I hate Shizu-chan. He's corrupted my selfless love!"

Shinra's smile seemed to widen at Izaya's dramatic speech, his eyes on the black haired man.

"Isn't that strange?"

"What is?"

Izaya was looking at him curiously, so Shinra continued.

"Your love. Love isn't selfless. Love is selfish. Like me with Celty – wanting to possess her love all for myself, isn't that selfish?"

"Yes yes, I understand that all too well. It's like my love for humans after all, humans are mine! I own humans. They're all mine, they belong to me."

Izaya said with a twisted look and malicious smile, but Shinra's bemusement seemed to increase.

"Of course, of course, you can have humans all you want. Still, love really shouldn't be selfless, you know?"

"….What are you implying, Shinra?"

Izaya gave Shinra a sharp glance, but the man in a white lab coat only smiled.

"Nothing at all, Izaya. I just find it interesting how your love for humans is so selfless, that you can love all humans. Except for Shizuo. He is human, you know. But your hatred for him is quite selfish…..don't you think so?"

"He's the only one you hate after all."

Izaya's heart pounded in his chest at the mention of his inexplicable hatred for the human who was an exception to his love. But he said nothing, and Shinra smiled.

"You can't stay out here forever."

"Yeah."

Izaya said, and turned away from the balcony to go back inside.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the last


	14. Chapter 14

 

 

 

_In which there is once again a Happy Monster and an Annoyed Flea_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\- Damn Shinra

Izaya thought in silent frustration as he feigned disinterest as he stood beside Shizuo.

Shinra had disappeared with Celty before he knew, leaving him alone with Shizuo.

Shinra wasn't one for gossip, but if it was with Celty and she asked, he would gossip better than high school girls about their boyfriends and recount Shizuo's and Izaya's time forcibly spent in each other's presence all the way from their first meeting to the current situation. With typical Shinra-esque dramatization.

On the other hand, Shizuo didn't seem to be aware of the awkwardness of the situation at all, as he puffed on a cigarette in contentment, turning his eyes to Izaya when he felt his stare.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything."

Shizuo scoffed at this, blowing smoke from his cigarette. Izaya wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Yeah right, you look like you want to say something. What the hell's with you lately, flea? Since when have you ever kept your mouth shut from saying something you want?"

Another puff of smoke polluted the air around Izaya –

"Not that I care, it's just annoying that you're acting weird. But it's good, be silent like this and I'll have peace."

Shizuo smiled at the thought, and Izaya looked away.

Silence passed, before Shizuo spoke.

"….I'm alright you know."

"Unfortunately."

Izaya spat, annoyed because he didn't know how to control the situation. Shizuo noticed, and shrugged, continuing.

"Oh and the bullets weren't poisonous at all, seems you worried for nothing."

"I wasn't worried."

"Yeah, good thing that. It'd be really pathetic if it's a flea who worries for me. Hah!"

Shizuo seemed to chuckle at the thought as he smoked on his cigarette in contentment.

Something seemed to have changed. Shizuo wasn't angry. Izaya wasn't happy with this.

Things weren't supposed to change if he didn't want them to.

"Right. So, you've repaid my debt and I've repaid mine, I'll pay for your treatment, so, I'll just be going."

Izaya said smoothly, and made to leave when he realized he couldn't move.

"…..What are you doing?"

"I don't know."

Izaya tugged at his wrist, but he was no match for Shizuo's inhuman grip. Sighing, he spoke tersely.

"Let me go, Shizu-chan."

"Don't want to."

"….Look, thanks for saving my life yesterday, I'm so grateful but you know we're even now so you should let me go unless you want another scar to mark you for life."

Izaya said the sentence half-sarcastically, but Shizuo's grip didn't lighten.

"Like hell I'm gonna let you hop away like the flea you are when I've finally caught you."

Shizuo blew another column of smoke as he spoke calmly, not even looking at Izaya and annoying the already annoyed information broker.

"What? Now you're just making no sense. Of course, you make no sense all the time but it seems your protozoic brain has degraded to a low even I hadn't thought was even possible, and you probably aren't making any sense to even yourself even if you can't comprehend what sense and logic is –"

Izaya wasn't able to finish his paradoxical statement for his throat stopped moving when his heart jolted up into his throat and he realized his face was in Shizuo's chest.

"Shut up, you're noisy. You're ruining my peace."

Shizuo said in annoyance as if he wasn't holding the flea close to him with one arm alone which was strong enough to prevent Izaya from getting out of his hold.

"Just what….do you think you're doing, Shizu-chan?"

Izaya spoke slowly with restrained irritation, and Shizuo blew a puff of smoke over his head.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm holding you."

"And why are you holding me?"

"Because I feel like it."

"So you're holding the one who screwed up your life and ruined your peace because you feel like it."

Izaya deadpanned, but the blond didn't seem to catch his sarcasm at all.

"Yeah. Weird huh. Tch well as long as I feel like holding you I ain't going to let you go so like I said, shut up and give me my peace."

Izaya swallowed down the sudden urge to scream.

"I have a better solution. You can let me go, and then you'll have your peace. If not, I will continue yapping like 'the annoying flea' I am and you will  _never_  get your peace. Oh and Shinra's furniture will go flying and you'll have to pay for the destruction. Don't you think my solution is better, Shizu-chan?"

"Yeah, one problem though."

"And what is that?"

"If I let you go that means you'll escape as always. And that means I won't be able to hold you if you escape. And if you escape when I've finally caught you, I won't have peace. So, your solution is good but irrelevant for the situation."

Izaya opened his mouth, but Shizuo continued on.

"So you can yap all you want, but even fleas get tired. And lonely, so I don't see why the hell you're complaining."

"Lonely? Me?" Izaya barked in laughter, "You must have mistaken me for someone else!"

"Hey Shizu-chan, do you even know who I am? I'm Orihara Izaya, and I don't get lonely –"

"'Because I don't have anyone like Shizu-chan. And I don't have anyone except Shizu-chan."'

"…"

"So since this 'Shizu-chan' is holding you, shouldn't you be grateful? Tch, you're the one who makes no sense, shitty flea."

"If this is pity, I don't need it, especially from a monster."

Izaya had lifted his head to glare up at Shizuo, whose lips pursed as he looked at him.

"What? Why the hell would I pity a shitty flea? Shitty fleas don't need pity. I'm not that kind, especially to shitty fleas."

Shizuo scoffed openly at Izaya's face and raised his head, releasing a cloud of smoke into the air.

"I don't care about you at all, flea. I'm a selfish guy, so shut up and let me hold you in peace."

 

Izaya felt as if he and Shizuo were speaking different languages, and he painstakingly spoke.

"Shizu-chan? If you hold someone you know that means you care about them, right? You're contradicting yourself, you illogical monster."

"Not necessarily. I'm holding you because I don't want you to escape. Not because I care for you Ah- before that, that is. Yeah there's still that huh…."

"….Translation, Shizu-chan?"

"Huh? I just said I'm not holding you 'cause I care for you, if I did, do you think I would be holding you since you don't like it? I don't care that you don't like it and you hate me. I hate you too, so that's why I'm holding you."

"Translation: I'm holding you just to piss you off. Is that it?"

"Yeah, kinda. But I'm also holding you 'cause I'm selfish and I want to hold you and I don't care about your feelings."

"Shizu-chan should begin the countdown, because I am this close to snapping."

"Snap then. I like to see you angry, Izayaaaa-kuuun."

At such words and the feral, almost delighted grin, Izaya summoned all his mental control and spoke as if his brain had retarded in Shizuo's presence -

"Why…did you….save….me?"

"…'Cause I didn't like the thought of you being killed by some guys who have no right to kill you 'cause that right belongs to me."

 

Izaya almost wished Shinra was eavesdropping so he could hear straight from the horse's mouth that Izaya's deduction was right.

"Right. So, those guys are gone, so there's no reason to keep me here. I'm an independent woman and I don't need your protection – that was sarcasm by the way."

Izaya added, for on second thought, Shizuo probably didn't get that he was being sarcastic. Well, at least the monster knew what sarcasm was.

"…So you do need my protection? Wait, aren't you a man?"

Shizuo looked confused and even apprehensive, and Izaya gave him a deadpan look.

"I was being sarcastic in the being a woman part  _not_  the protection part, because you know, holding me close like this and talking about protecting me, isn't this quite a romantic scene?"

Izaya gave his sweetest smile and snuggled up to Shizuo's chest for good measure, swallowing the bile in his throat as he stroked Shizuo's chest with his hand as he prepared his body to be thrown out the window, right past Shinra who was probably eavesdropping with Celty at the balcony.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. Izaya would bemoan in private about his own desperation later and wash his hands with his strongest soap, but right now he just wanted out of the monster's hold.

And then after that he would make sure Shinra wasn't taking any pictures. And Celty wouldn't misunderstand. She was probably freaking out right about this moment, imagining that he had been replaced by an alien. Actually, that would be a better option than her misunderstanding his and Shizuo's relationship.

Damage control would have to be done. Later, since now he would have to do a different type of damage control – for his own body which would soon be flying in the air.

Shizuo's mouth dropped open, and Izaya's eyes lit up –

Only to widen a second later as the cigarette had fallen from Shizuo's mouth onto his hair.

At least that was what Izaya was sure had happened, for there was now a burning, unwelcome heat on his head of glossy black hair.

 

 

"…."

Izaya's mouth had dropped open as well.

"HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!"

"…Oops."

Izaya wanted to wrap his hands around Shizuo's neck and strangle him right then and there, but getting the cancer stick out of his  _hair_  took priority.

His hands shot up to his hair as he messed up the black locks, desperately searching for the cigarette which was burning his hair which he had just washed in the morning –

"Hey, it fell off."

"Shut up. I know it fell off," Izaya stretched his foot and crushed the cigarette, "But there's still soot in my hair! What the heck, Shizu-chan!? Do you know –"

"I know, you must have spent a lot of time washing your hair, you were in the bathroom for a long time after all. But you're just messing up your hair, let me do it for you."

"I don't want your monster hands –"

"Too late," Shizuo said bluntly as he captured Izaya's wrists in one hand, his other hand moving to brush the glossy black locks. "Now keep still."

Izaya fumed and reluctantly kept still as he thought furiously about a hundred possible methods to kill Heiwajima Shizuo and his ridiculous, atrocious, hair-damaging cancer sticks.

"Although it makes no difference, the soot's black and your hair's black, it's actually quite hard to see."

Those hundred possible methods to kill Heiwajima Shizuo and his ridiculous, atrocious, hair-damaging, pride-damaging cancer sticks just shot up to two hundred.

"Anyway it's just hair, don't kick up such a fuss flea."

Scratch that, he needed a  _thousand_.

Izaya glared. Not only was his plan ruined and he had endured that humiliation for nothing, he now had the monster touching his hair.

Shinra was probably laughing his ass off right now.

Izaya hoped he would suffocate to death.

"Stop pouting and looking cute, it won't make me do my job faster."

"….!"

Izaya didn't think he needed the grace of words to convey to Shizuo how many different things were wrong with that one sentence.

"Tch I said stop looking cute didn't I?"

Izaya kicked him in the shin.

"I am glaring, you protozoic brain! You retarded monster, is your brain so slow you can't appreciate the difference between 'threatening' and 'cute'? This look means I want you to die as soon as possible – _what_  are you doing?"

Izaya snapped as his hair was ruffled and there was a disarming grin on Shizuo's face.

His question only made Shizuo laugh, and pull Izaya close to him, ruffling his hair as he spoke fondly.

"This isn't so bad."

 

 

 

If it hadn't been for the cigarette, Izaya's plan would have worked and Shizuo would have snapped and thrown him out of the apartment. Him snapping was a few seconds away from his mouth dropping open. But seeing Izaya so annoyed and flustered and losing his cool over a simple cigarette on his hair brought great amusement to him and the fading away of his impending anger.

It wasn't as if he was attracted to the flea, but he could only describe Izaya's reaction as cute. And shitty flea or not, Shizuo couldn't harm such a cute thing.

Shizuo grinned widely as he stroked the fuming flea's hair, thinking crazily he wouldn't mind keeping such a cute flea for himself.

If only Izaya showed this normal, human side and reaction more often, perhaps he wouldn't have to kill him after all.

Because this side of Izaya, this flea who could lose his cool, who could be annoyed, who didn't act as if he were above normal human reactions, didn't piss him off.

The flea was beating his fists against his chest now, and Shizuo wondered if there was anyone he had to ask permission from if he wanted to keep Izaya all for himself.

Maybe he needed to ask Kasuka for a favour and get his signature so that Mairu and Kururi would allow him to have their brother.

For the flea was cute, he was not afraid of him, he was lonely like him, he was nice to hold and fitted perfectly in his arms, he had nice hair, he could actually take responsibility, contrary to Shizuo's beliefs, he was smart especially with computers and stuff, even though he wasn't a woman, he could make a nice companion.

And he tasted good too. Well, at least his neck did.

It was just his shitty personality and the pissing him off that was the problem.

Now if those two troublesome things which had screwed his life up were gone, Shizuo could actually enjoy Izaya's company.

He would have to find some way to make them go away. A permanent solution to his problems was better than a solution which backfired on him everytime – since it had been almost a decade, and still Izaya was not dead.

Shizuo wondered how he could have ever wanted to kill the adorable creature in his arms.

He almost regretted needing to get his revenge.

Almost, since it was hard, practically impossible to make those two problems go away or he would have done so by now.

Shizuo would have frowned at this, but the flea was still being annoyingly adorable and he found himself smiling instead.

"What are you smiling at you monster? You aren't going to eat me, are you? If so, I must applaud you for your uncharacteristic trickery – but really, I don't taste good, and I'm not food. Even if it wouldn't be cannibalism since Shizu-chan isn't human but a monster. I'm not sweet at all, I'm bitter, very bitter, and that's why Shizu-chan hates me right? Because I'm  _not_  sweet at all and Shizu-chan likes sweet things."

The flea even knew what he liked – come to think of it, the flea knew a lot of things about him. Shizuo nodded to himself. It was quite convenient.

Now if only he could get rid of those two troublesome things….

"You agree? Well of course you agree, so since you agree, you should let me go right now. Even though you're a protozoic brain, I'm sure you can at least understand the logic behind the statement. You don't like me, you hate me, and I hate you too, so really, just let me go alright? No one's going to kill me, I'm still yours to kill. And you're mine to kill. After I wash this disgusting soot off my hair. Which is your fault, by the way."

"Oh yeah, sorry about that. Hey, can I keep you?"

"Of course you should be sorry and of course – no wait,  _what?"_

Shizuo wondered if he wasn't being direct enough. Perhaps he shouldn't have asked a question. Maybe the cigarette had burned through Izaya's brain and Izaya's information broker senses were not working at the moment and he would appreciate a statement of information.

"I want to keep you."

Shizuo was pleased with himself at the statement. It expressed his intention clearly and contained no ambiguities. Surely Izaya would understand.

"…No, I already said you can't keep me here."

"Ah no it's not that, I can let you go if you want, but I want to keep you."

"That statement made no sense at all. How can you let me go and keep me at the same time?"

"Well I can let you go now, but ultimately I still want to keep you. Even if it's not now."

Izaya looked like he was struggling to wrap his mind around Shizuo's logic. Shizuo waited patiently.

Shizuo thought his logic was easy to understand. He wanted to keep Izaya. What was so confusing about that?

Perhaps the cigarette had somehow affected his brain after all.

"…And your definition of 'keeping' is?"

Shizuo smiled, appreciating the question. It had helped him make out what he wanted to say.

"To have and to hold –"

"- From this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health? Shizu-chan you haven't even proposed but I suppose I should save you the trouble by saying  _No_."

"…Huh?"

Shizuo was puzzled. He didn't say anything about a proposal or marriage. What was the flea thinking?

"….Nothing." Izaya said, and his cheeks were definitely not warm because Shizuo didn't understand his mockery. "Forget it. It was a poor joke. You were saying?"

Shizuo stared, then shrugged.

"I was saying, I want to keep you. To have and to hold you. I want you as a companion, because you're not that bad when you're not pissing me off. So I want to have you. And hold you sometimes maybe, because you're nice to hold and I haven't really held anyone before."

Shizuo said, his tone slightly wistful, for he imagined it would be nice to spend time and have someone other than Celty, who had Shinra, Vorona who was his friend but also kouhai, and Tom, who was his friend but also his sempai whom he respected. There weren't many people who didn't fear him and Izaya was one of them and he had proven that 1% of trustworthiness and currently he wasn't pissed off so why not?

 

 

Yet, despite Shizuo's contemplation, Izaya had different thoughts.

He shoved Shizuo away with his hands, and Shizuo let him.

Because it was Izaya's answer.

"No. Don't mock me, Shizu-chan. Speaking like that, it's as if I'm your ideal partner, which is too disgusting to think about. Let me take this chance to remind you –"

_Stab_

"I am Orihara Izaya, your worst enemy. The man you hate the most. Don't be fooled, Shizu-chan. One incident doesn't change anything. You hate me, and I hate you. It's unbelievable that you're speaking to me as if you don't hate me but remember, _I hate you._  And I always will."

"…I see."

Shizuo said. His eyes flashed, and Izaya took a step back, his switchblade in his hand.

"Oh? Have you come back to your senses? It's about time, Shizu-chan. You're just a monster after all, even if you want to become human, you'll never be one. And by some miraculous chance that you're becoming human, I won't play a part in such an absurd metamorphosis."

 

 

Shizuo didn't reply. With that straightforward gaze, he took the knife out of his chest and crushed it in his hand.

He opened his hand, and the bits of metal trickled to the floor, slowly, like sand in an hourglass.

And then he took a step forward.

And reached out a hand towards Izaya's face.

 

 

Izaya didn't flinch when Shizuo's hand touched his cheek. He merely looked incredulous, and discomfort appeared on his features when those fingers moved across his skin, that thumb brushing against his cheek.

"I see."

"What?"

Izaya said. He would have moved away, or pushed Shizuo's hand away, but his limbs were frozen and he was rooted to the spot by the intensity in Shizuo's gaze.

"It's a pity."

 

 

 

 

The skin his fingers touched felt warm. The eyes his eyes met gazed at him directly. The body of the man stood steadily –

All culminating in a sudden epiphany –

\- He really isn't afraid of me.

\- I wonder…

\- If we had met differently…would things have been different?

\- Izaya.

 

 

"If you're saying it like that, then the future won't change."

The hand was removed from Izaya's cheek.

"And honestly I'm not sure how I feel about that now. Today…wasn't actually so bad."

Before Izaya could speak, Shizuo continued.

"But you're right. One incident won't change things between us so easily. So flea, after this, I'll be trying to kill you again. And knowing you, even if I wouldn't kill you if you stayed out of Ikebukuro, you'd purposely do something to piss me off so that I'd seek you out and kill you…for using and manipulating my friends."

"…."

"So I'd just take this moment to say, you're not as bad as I thought. Maybe if we had met under different circumstances, I could have actually come to like you, Izaya. Yeah so…thanks."

"You…what do you want me to say to that?"

"Nothing. You don't have to say anything. I'm just saying what I think."

Shizuo smiled wryly.

"'Cause I'm quite sure you'd make me kill you in the future, somehow, since you're the kind of man who won't change. And neither am I."

"That's why, I guess it's good to be able to have a moment of understanding before the inevitable happens. Because I can't control myself when it comes to you. And you know that right. So you'll make me snap, you'll make me angry until I can't even think of anything except for killing you…not even this time that we spent together where I got to know about you."

And as the man in the bartender suit said that, he reached out to ruffle the information broker's hair, knowing it would be the third and last time he would be able to do so.

 

\- Yeah.

\- This is fine.

\- He's Orihara Izaya anyway

\- He's the flea.

\- Still…

\- I never knew much about him, even though we've known each other for years.

\- Even though he's one of the few people who've stayed in my life for years, no matter how much I've tried to literally throw him away.

\- Until today.

\- That…kind of makes me...happy.

\- Because...

\- It's as if...

_This moment…_

_Is almost like the peace…_

_That I've wanted all my life._

_Even if my body won't remember when I lose myself,  
_ _even if my mind forgets in my anger…_

_I know my heart won't._

 

 

 

 

Izaya was unaware of Shizuo's thoughts, yet he didn't push Shizuo's hand away or stab Shizuo with the switchblade he held in his hand.

There was a gentleness behind the touch of the strongest man in Ikebukuro that stunned even him.

He watched as Shizuo's hand slipped away, and he closed his eyes, a moment of peaceful silence lingering in the air.

He pushed his sunglasses up, and when he opened his eyes they were no longer soft and filled with fondness, but narrow and sharp.

"It's good that Shizu-chan understands. After all, we're eternal enemies, how relieving that even Shizu-chan's protozoic brain can comprehend that."

Izaya said confidently, but the doubt in his eyes showed.

"Yeah."

Shizuo said simply, and Izaya refused to feel daunted at his change in attitude and sharpness of the blond man's gaze.

 

Not wanting to be in the vicinity of the blond man's piercing gaze any longer, Izaya turned and spoke.

"Since I'm finally out of Shizu-chan's monster grip, I'm leaving. Hey Shizu-chan, even if you get drunk, it won't make you more human. It makes you like a dog actually, haha! So don't do it again alright? Especially if Simon offers – that man's more tricky than you think."

"Yeah." Shizuo said. "But who said I was drunk?"

"What?" Izaya turned in surprise.

Was the monster smirking?

"I said, who said I was drunk?"

Shizuo was definitely smirking.

"If you weren't drunk what could you be? Sober?"

Izaya said sarcastically, but Shizuo just looked amused.

"Why couldn't I have been sober?"

"Maybe you forgot in your drunkenness, but Kasuka-kun is the actor, not you, Shizu-chan."

Izaya said, annoyed that the monster wasn't making sense as usual.

"And you attacked Simon for getting you drunk. Or has your protozoic brain forgotten that?"

"Right. And why couldn't that have been an act? I could have asked for Simon's cooperation. To give you a show, flea."

"Seriously. I may be able to believe Simon can act – actually I'm quite sure he can act but you? You can't act - and even if you could, you can't act that well –"

Izaya said, conveniently forgetting how Shizuo had acted innocently as his secretary before.

"Who said I  _can't_  act?"

"Eh?"

"I was acting to get the information of your true feelings yesterday night, wasn't I, information broker Orihara Izaya?"

"….!"

Unfortunately for him, that 'forgotten' humiliating memory seemed to be replaced with another more humiliating one.

Izaya bristled in anger. He opened his mouth to shoot back a snarky reply, but Shizuo was faster in making his move.

"Izaya~"

"?!"

Izaya backed away from the suddenly smiling, sunglasses-lacking, happy looking monster who was very reminiscent of his first sight of that visage.

"Shizu-chan? I know you're acting so – h-hey!"

Izaya gasped in surprise as he was pulled into Shizuo's arms, and the monster began to nuzzle his neck, purring in his baritone voice.

"Flea mine~my flea~"

"Wha- I'm not yours!"

Izaya protested automatically, the distasteful memory of the nuzzling monster causing him to respond automatically as he struggled in Shizuo's arms, glaring at the blond.

"….Flea not mine?"

Shizuo suddenly looked downcast as he blinked his big eyes in question. Izaya stared, feeling heat rise to his cheeks.

"N-No…t…?"

He said, and Shizuo blinked again, then grinned in amusement.

"Flea mine." He declared, his voice stable and mature again, and leaned down and swiped his tongue over Izaya's neck, causing an outraged shriek from the information broker.

"You bastard! You were –"

"Pretending? Hah! Looks like you fell for it, huh flea?"

"I hate you! I hate you! You stupid, unpredictable monster -!"

"Aw, why so angry, Izayaaaaa-kuuuun….?"

Shizuo drawled, falling back onto the couch so that he was sitting with a flustered flea on his lap, struggling futilely to get out of the cage the monster's arms made and from the monster's tongue along his neck.

"Then that thing about repaying your debt, it was just pretense right?! You absolute –mf!"

"Shut up or I'll kiss you."

Shizuo said, and Izaya's face evolved to a whole new level of red.

"Don't you dare kiss me! I don't want a monster's –"

"-Taste. Or 'tongue in my mouth' Well I don't want to kiss a shitty flea either so shut up hm?"

Shizuo said bluntly, causing Izaya to glare as if he believed in Shizuo's theory that there was a 0.00000000000000000000675% chance of being able to kill someone with looks.

But he took pity on the flea who looked as if he was about to cry tears of frustration (Shizuo snorted at this thought) and spread his arms, and Izaya hopped out of them like the cowardly flea he was, tugging his jacket around himself and glaring as if Shizuo would touch him again.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow, and Izaya spat. "You're despicable."

"Look who's talking." Shizuo said, leaning back leisurely against the couch as he surveyed the angry flea with sharp, amused eyes. "I don't know what you're so angry about."

"You don't know-?! You –"

"I didn't say I wasn't drunk."

"….?!"

Izaya stared, and opened his mouth when Shizuo just sat there, smirking –

"But you said -

"Yeah. But I  _didn't_  say I wasn't drunk, did I?"

"...SO WERE YOU DRUNK OR NOT?!"

Izaya gave into the urge to yell in frustration, and Shizuo just looked at him with that same mocking laughter in his eyes –

"What do you think, flea?"

 

Izaya thought until his head hurt. He opened his mouth, but an answer didn't come out. Because there wasn't an answer in his head.

He gave the grinning monster his best death glare, then left to nurse his wounded pride from being mind-screwed by Shizuo of all people and get Simon to give him whatever memory inducing drug he had given Shizuo in the sake so he could give it to Namie and get her to make him a memory wiping drug –

To wipe his memory of this whole ridiculous event.

Though not before he got Simon to tell him whether he was in cahoots with Shizuo to humiliate him – he wouldn't put it past the big man who had been ready to punch him after the whole gang war and Slasher fiasco.

If he could even get Simon to tell him. Since the Russian was obscure and would brush his questions away with his broken Japanese.

Forget about essentially owing Simon (and Shizuo) his life. He was going to kill Simon if he was indeed in cahoots with that suddenly mastermind monster.

And if Simon wasn't in cahoots with Shizuo and Shizuo was not pretending  _and was just pretending that he was pretending_ , he was going to kill the mastermind monster. And then maybe kill Simon for allowing the whole situation to happen in the first place – even if he would have been killed had Shizuo not been there and he was killing the one who had allowed him to live.

\- I am going to kill them both!

Izaya thought illogically in rage, stomping in annoyance out of Shinra's and Celty's house and glaring at anything and everything in his path.

 

 

"HAHA – HAHAHAHAH –"

"AHAHAHAHA – HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The insane sounding laughter came from the blond man on the couch who had collapsed against it and was curled to the side, clutching his stomach.

"Ah…hahaha…hahahaha! Damn it! DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT DAAAAAAAMN ITTTTTTT!"

Those common curses words from the man in a bartender suit seemed to be expelled in an unusually elated tone.

Shizuo laughed to himself on the couch, taking quick breaths in an effort to calm himself down, from something that was for once not anger.

When all the amusement had been released, he sat up and tilted his head back with a smug smirk on his lips.

"Looks like I win, flea."

Shizuo grinned, licking his lips, thanking his brother in his happy heart for allowing him to observe his art of acting.

\- I was right.

\- Revenge sure is  _sweet._

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Haha! Hahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHA!"

In another part of the apartment, another man was laughing and clutching his stomach as he rolled on the floor.

"Oh my god that was so hilarious! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA CELTY SAVE ME I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!"

Unfortunately for the underground doctor in white, his lover in black couldn't save him because she was trembling too much.

"CELTY REALLY! HELP! I THINK I'M GOING TO DIE FROM LAUGHTER! HAHAHAHAHA! BECAUSE THIS IS EVEN MORE EPIC THAN THAT TIME SHIZUO ACTED AS IZAYA'S FRIEND IN FRONT OF AKANE-CHAN!"

Celty was still leaning against the balcony, her body shaking with her 'head' thrown back in silent laughter and her PDA nowhere in sight.

"My lovely Celty, remind me to never underestimate Shizuo again! I never knew he could be so crafty! So crafty that he  _beat Izaya in a battle of wits!_  Hahaha! Hahahaha! OH NO NOW I'M LAUGHING AGAIN! HAHAHAHAHA! Ugh –"

When Shinra started to make choking noises, Celty gathered herself and knelt down to the man in a white lab coat, patting his back and communicating to him –

[Are you alright, Shinra?! It wouldn't be a joke to die of laughter!]

Shinra laughed at this, but more lightly, as he spoke with a grin.

"Awww, Celty! Don't worry, I won't die so easily, how could I ever leave my beloved?!"

Celty just shook her neck as she and Shinra got up from the ground. She thought for a bit, then 'said' –

[I'm going to go talk to Shizuo for a bit. You sure you don't want to check on Izaya? Although it was funny, he seemed pretty mad.]

Shinra only chuckled at this with a grin.

"It's none of my business! It's pretty funny to see him so mad, ahhh but I must say, they were so close to getting along! Shizuo even said so himself! It's quite a pity!"

"Oh but as long as I have my lovely Celty, I don't really care! But it's like the butterfly effect you know? Like Shizuo said, maybe if they had met differently, they could have been good companions!"

Shinra said as he raved on as usual about his only two friends and their unfortunate circumstances which he himself had produced in a way that suggested he was enjoying it, as his lover looked on fondly.

[I don't like Izaya...and I don't know what he did but to have made Shizuo smile like that…maybe he isn't so bad. I've never seen Shizuo touch anyone so gently before.]

Shinra's grin widened at this –

"I'm telling you, it could be love – ow!"

[No it isn't! It's just f-friendship…potential!]

Celty thrust her PDA into his face, then walked away from the balcony, leaving a smiling Shinra rubbing his head as he leaned against the railing.

He turned, looking out into the city of Ikebukuro, and spoke as if questioning it –

"Ahhh….why is everyone I know so stubborn?"

His gaze landed on a black haired man in a fur rimmed jacket walking angrily, his hand twirling a knife between his fingers in his frustration, annoyance in his eyes.

The smile that crossed the lips of the man in a white lab coat seemed to be infused with secrets.

"Especially you…right, Orihara?"

 

 

 

 

[You look happy. Maybe you don't hate him as much as you think.]

Those were the words that were on the PDA shown in front of Shizuo's face.

Shizuo blinked, and Celty started at the words she had typed. She quickly deleted them and typed frantically –

[I mean, not that I'm suggesting you like him or anything! Definitely not! Just, it's rare to see you that happy. And from talking to Izaya, of all things.]

She 'said', nervous that Shizuo would misunderstand and fly into a rage at the mere mention of not hating Izaya.

But Shizuo only grinned.

"More like tricking him. But yeah I am happy. I'm damn happy damn it! 'Cause for once it's not me who's pissed off – it's the flea."

[Ah I see….]

"Should I try it?"

[Eh?]

Celty questioned at the feral grin on Shizuo's face.

[Shizuo…?]

She questioned, feeling as if the current Shizuo's thoughts were too fast for her to keep up with and comprehend.

"Pissing off the flea I mean. Yeah. Yeah! It's a much better alternative isn't it? Haha….HAHAHAHAHA! Ahhhh now I know what to do every time the flea comes to Ikebukuro – I'll just piss him off like he pisses me off! Izaya's a coward, and he can't deal with being annoyed and losing his precious control."

"And then, I'll get my peace."

[Right….well I'm glad to see you happy.]

Celty 'said', not really understanding the situation but feeling glad that Shizuo seemed to have come to a solution regarding Izaya.

Which really seemed to be the case, as Shizuo was grinning so widely even Celty felt apprehensive.

"Damn it. I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait until he comes to Ikebukuro again. I'm gonna piss him off –  _bad_."

 

And with that statement from the man in a bartender suit, Ikebukuro and its residents would soon be plunged into a cosmicality of a paradigm shift.

 

 

 

 

 

And that was how Heiwajima Shizuo got his flea-free week of peace.

Week since it would be a week until Izaya got his revenge.

Though that's an untold story as of now.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so that's the end. Finally. It's the month for renaishizaya so I wanted to complete this. Happy Monster and Annoyed Flea indeed. 
> 
> Çause I'll have a new multi-chaptered story for renaishizaya. When I'm a bit less obsessed with my new favorite, that is. I wanted to post the timeline too but I'm lazy, so maybe another day. And as the ending words say there won't be a sequel 'cause I have other stories and I won't be able to do justice to this story with a sequel.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a new chapter this story has ended. This is just a timeline of events in this story in chronological order, so spoilers ahead. I also added some stuff about Izaya's manipulation so it would be less confusing. Oh and for Shizuo's grocery shopping adventure. It's all of course, optional.  
> (For the image I found the link on tumblr but I can't remember the URL sorry. I only saved the URL to the image)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 **_POST-SCRIPT_ ** _Timeline_ _  
_

 

**Covers events from Chapter I - XII**

**Summary of Background of Plot**

 

_* Indicates day on which story begins._

 

 

 

**_Day 1_ **

Awakusu-kai has job for Izaya. Wants information on famous Yakuza, Yamaguchi-gumi. Izaya accepts job, provides information to Awakusu-kai. Shiki offers a generous sum of money if Izaya can obtain illegal weapons of Yamaguchi-gumi. Izaya is bored and accepts. Izaya knows where Yakuza hideout is, but is heavily guarded.  
With information on Yamaguchi-gumi's two enemies who are allies; Kudo-kai (part of Yonsha-kai, anti-Yamaguchi-gumi organization) and Yamaguchi-gumi arch rival Sumiyoshi-kai, and the alliance meeting with its potential new ally Kokusui-kai, Izaya plans Yakuza war.

 

**_Day 2_ **

Mafia Boss Severino Bassini arrives in Japan in morning, 10AM. Requires information of potential ally Yamaguchi-gumi, goes to seek Orihara Izaya out, claiming to be a low ranking member of Dojin-kai, another Yakuza part of Yonsha-kai. Requests information on enemy. Izaya takes the opportunity to involve him and Dojin-kai in the Yakuza war he has planned, tells of Yamaguchi-gumi alliance meeting he believes Dojin-kai will interrupt.  
Severino leaves after paying for the information, seeing alliance meeting as chance to introduce Bassini famiglia to Yamaguchi-gumi and form an alliance.  
Izaya pulls his strings as Chrome with Kudo-kai and Sumiyoshi-kai spy in Yamaguchi-gumi. Misleading information is circulated along. Sumiyoshi-kai spy knows about Yamaguchi-gumi meeting with potential ally the next day. Seeks information of Kokusui-kai from Chrome. Chrome tells him Kokusui-kai intend to team up with Dojin-kai to attack Yamaguchi-gumi. Spy relays information. Sumiyoshi-kai believes Dojin-kai is intruding upon their territory, killing their arch rival before they did. Kudo-kai believes Sumiyoshi-kai had betrayed their agreement.  
Izaya's manipulation for all three enemies of Yamaguchi-gumi is complete.

 

**_Day 3_ **

Morning

Yamaguchi-gumi is originally supposed to meet their ally Kokusui-kai. Izaya tricks another Yakuza into conflict with Kokusui-kai, causing them to be unable to show up on time.  
Yamaguchi-gumi is suspicious ally has requested change of time, thinks sudden Yakuza conflict is too coincidental. Higher ups contact information broker Chrome, who relays to them information that Kokusui-kai was planning a betrayal tactic with arch rival Sumiyoshi-kai and the meeting was an ambush with other Yakuza. Yamaguchi-gumi thinks ally has betrayed them and they are meeting Yakuza who would kill them, angrily tells Kokusui-kai to meet at original time. Tells men to prepare to kill Sumiyoshi-kai. Makes preparations for battle.  
Sumiyoshi-kai spy is alarmed, unaware of how Yamaguchi-gumi knows. Sneaks away to contact Sumiyoshi-kai to warn them. Is killed in the process by Yamaguchi-gumi men who think he's a coward and the one who contacted Sumiyoshi-kai to team up with Kokusui-kai.

Afternoon

Severino arrives, along with Sumiyoshi-kai. Yamaguchi-gumi sees their enemies, associates Severino with them. Yamaguchi-gumi attacks Severino and Sumiyoshi-kai. Sumiyoshi-kai attacks Severino and Yamaguchi-gumi.  
Fighting breaks out.  
Minutes later, other rival of Yamaguchi-gumi, Kudo-kai arrive. Attack Sumiyoshi-kai for breaking agreement. Sees Yamaguchi-gumi, attacks too.  
Yamaguchi-gumi thinks rivals are teaming up. Calls hideout for full manpower. Reinforcements arrive, Yakuza war breaks out. Many killed and injured.

Evening-Night

Severino survives but badly wounded. Figures out what is going on. Manages to get away, calls ambulance. Claims to be foreigner victim of Yakuza gang war. Passes out in ambulance.

Izaya sends Nakura to Yamaguchi-gumi hideout to collect illegal weapons. Nakura protests, but Izaya reminds him of what he did. Nakura reluctantly agrees.  
Nakura returns unharmed but frightened at having been inside hideout of most famous Yakuza in Japan, and hands weapons over to Izaya. Izaya reminds Nakura he still is going to make him suffer for as long as he lives for what he did to Shinra. Nakura runs away.

Izaya's job for Awakusu-kai is done. Izaya's plan to start a Yakuza War is completed. Izaya's intention to scar Nakura is fulfilled. Izaya laughs, delighted at having killed three birds with one stone.

Night

Severino wakes up in hospital. Knows and is angry that Izaya tricked him. Calls Michele and Luciano to kill Izaya.

  

**_Day 4*_ **

10AM

Namie turns on TV. News of Yakuza War makes headlines. News reports foreigner was caught in the gang war and is now recovering in hospital. Severino appears on the screen. Izaya is surprised.

Nakura goes to Shinra's and Celty's home, coming to Shinra for plastic surgery.  
Outside, Shinra asks him about what happened as Celty watches the news which is showcasing the Yakuza war. Nakura tells him Izaya sent him to Yamaguchi-gumi hideout and pleads Shinra to change features of his face so they won't recognize him. Shinra agrees in return for money.  
Nakura leaves, Celty comments on her feeling that the Yakuza war is Izaya's doing. She is suspicious Izaya only has one delivery job for her in the evening and wonders if he took care of the other jobs himself.  
Shinra is just happy he is able to have Celty all to himself. Brandishes the money from Nakura and offers to get Celty a present.  
Celty punches him in embarrassment for saying so and his affectionate hug. But eventually relaxes and enjoys her time with Shinra.  
Though Shinra gets another punch when he hugs Celty when she says she doesn't need a present for Shinra is all she wants.  
Shinra is still happy, even at the violent display of love from his beloved.  
Actually, he's ecstatic. Especially as Celty doesn't punch him a third time when he cuddles her on the couch lovingly and says how much he loves her. But blushes smoke instead.  
Shinra thinks she's adorable. But is smart enough not to tell Celty so, not wanting to ruin the sweet moment.

Simon sees news, gets information that Severino Bassini is in hospital. Contacts Killing Machine Igor. Igor confirms Italian assassins Luciano and Michele are on 8AM flight from New York to Tokyo, Japan, will take approximately 14 hours.

Will reach at about 10PM.

12PM

Shiki calls and asks about job. Izaya tells him job is completed. Izaya asks if Nakagawa Hiro is in Dojin-kai. Shiki says if he is so, he isn't anyone important, asks why. Izaya tells him, Shiki is amused at Izaya's carelessness, tells Izaya Doijin-kai is violent Yakuza and wouldn't approach for information and if they did, wouldn't send a low ranking member to get information. Izaya is not amused. Shiki asks if Izaya wants a list of Dojin-kai members to confirm, Akabayashi can send it over. Akabayashi is laughing in background.  
Izaya is even more unamused. Asks Shiki when he wants the package. Shiki tells Izaya to meet him in Ikebukuro, 7PM sharp. Izaya agrees and hangs up.  
Namie mocks him for being careless, which Izaya ignores.

Izaya does research, finds out client came from Italy and is actually Mafia Boss. Gets another client – gang who wants information on Heiwajima Shizuo. Is about to decline because only he needs to know Shizuo's information. But is annoyed at being tricked, and decides to take his anger out on the one who pisses him off the most.

Provides Shizuo's information to gang at price.

4.30PM

Shizuo chases debtor. Is stopped by gang which Izaya provided information to. Gang tells him so. Shizuo beats them up, allowing debtor to get away. Debtor's partner informs that partner has the money. Tom comments that he borrowed a lot of money.  
Shizuo feels guilty and blames himself and Izaya. Tom tells him to take a break. Shizuo declines, but Tom says he will be setting a bad example to Vorona with his lack of concentration.  
Shizuo reluctantly leaves after apologizing to Vorona. Is pissed off Izaya tricked him, looks for Izaya, but Izaya is not in Ikebukuro.  
Is further pissed off. Wants to go to Shinjuku to kill Izaya. Is stopped by Simon. Ends up going into Russia Sushi to spend his money on better things. Drinks sake Simon offers. Gets drunk without knowing.

6.30PM

Izaya comes to Ikebukuro to deliver suitcase of Yamaguchi-gumi illegal weapons to Awakusu-kai. Is stopped by Shizuo. Izaya readies to defend himself from Shizuo's anger at gang attack. But sees happy Shizuo. Is stunned. Finds out Shizuo is drunk, requests for Simon's help.  
Simon declines, believing happy Shizuo is peaceful and good.  
Shizuo carries Izaya and leaves despite Izaya's protests. Whispers erupt in Ikebukuro at the sight. Mikado, Anri, Kamichika Rio, Kadota and his gang sees them.  
Kadota thinks Shizuo has finally snapped. Erika thinks Shizuo is happy he finally gets Izaya for himself.  
Celty drives away at the sight, much to Izaya's displeasure.  
Izaya is forced to take clingy, happy Shizuo along to Awakusu-kai.

Simon tells Dennis about Severino Bassini involved and injured in Yakuza war by Izaya's doing.

7.15PM

Awakusu-kai thinks Shizuo is his bodyguard from guy who turned out not to be Yakuza Dojin-kai. Izaya declines, sees no need for a bodyguard.  
A Misunderstanding occurs and Shizuo almost attacks Akabayashi, who explicitly concedes Izaya to him, making Shizuo calm down.  
Shiki is very amused at Izaya's exasperation and Shizuo's resentment of him, but recognizes that Shizuo is dangerous even when drunk and follows Akabayashi's example of giving Izaya over to Shizuo. Then asks for what Izaya owes him.  
Izaya hands the suitcase of illegal weapons of the Yamaguchi-gumi over, Akabayashi checks and confirms everything they wanted is there.  
Shiki is satisfied and tells Izaya he will transfer the money over to his account, and sends Izaya off with his dependable bodyguard who is still growling at Shiki.

When Izaya and Shizuo are gone, Shiki tells Akabayashi that since Izaya managed to infiltrate the security of the Yamaguchi-gumi, they will have further use of him as he may be more useful than they thought.  
Akabayashi agrees, and says that they should increase the scrutiny on Izaya so that Izaya won't be able to do anything like the Awakusu Akane incident again.  
Shiki has no objections. He and his men leave the area.  
Shiki mentions that having those illegal weapons of the Yamaguchi-gumi would indeed pose an advantage to the Awakusu-kai, and they can't be traced back to them.

Alone with Izaya again, Shizuo reverts to his happy, nuzzling state.  
Izaya is forced to take Shizuo along to meet other people.  
Shizuo turns from happy to grumpy.

Izaya is annoyed because the men are scared of Shizuo's threatening glares, ruining his plan to make them let their guard down, and thereby ruining further plans.  
Izaya is also annoyed because Shizuo refuses to let go of him. Izaya is further annoyed because Shizuo only lets go of him to beat the men up.  
Izaya crosses those men off his clientele list and makes sure Shizuo doesn't beat the next clients up.  
Because "Flea mine" is not an acceptable reason for Izaya to lose his clients and have his future plans beaten into the dust.

8PM – 9PM

Shizuo is still awake and grumpy. Izaya goes home in taxi with Shizuo who claims flea belongs to him.  
Izaya rejects this claim. Shizuo is unhappy. Izaya accepts this claim just to shut Shizuo up, but ends up making Shizuo noisily happy instead in a series of repetitive "Flea mine – my flea~"  
Izaya is highly resentful of Shizuo and his humans who gave him to Shizuo without his permission.  
Shizuo suddenly gets angry at taxi driver and wants to beat him up for the apparent reason of 'Staring at his Flea'. A tired Izaya touches his arm and tries to calm him down.  
Surprisingly, it works.

At same time, Celty reaches home and tells Shinra of 'alien' Shizuo.  
Shinra tells her Shizuo may be just hypnotized or drunk. Inwardly drools while thinking of hypnotizing Celty. Celty hits him for being a pervert. Then hits him again for suggesting the notion of Shizuo and Izaya in love.  
Seeing Celty so concerned over her friend, and observing his own lack of jealousy, Shinra is reminded of how much he loves Celty and smiles.  
Celty tells Shinra Izaya didn't look happy, and wonders if he didn't do it. Shinra agrees, and looks forward to seeing Izaya's reaction.

Izaya makes his way to his apartment with Shizuo nuzzling him all the way.  
Izaya reaches home with Shizuo, Namie is incredulous, but then amused at Izaya's frustration. Asks Izaya what happened, to which Izaya recounts while blaming Simon.

Namie laughs at the comedic interaction between Izaya and drunk Shizuo, especially when Izaya imitates Shizuo's drunken speech in vain.  
Izaya tells Shizuo No Nuzzling, upsetting Shizuo and causing Shizuo to kiss Izaya instead. Izaya and Namie are shocked. Izaya pushes Shizuo away and hides behind Namie.  
Namie declares Izaya as hiding for fear Shizuo will kiss him again. Shizuo is downcast when he hears Izaya is afraid of him. Namie corrects that Izaya is afraid of kissing, not him.  
Shizuo is less downcast, and compromises No Kissing, but want hug Flea. As she is not like Izaya who would reject Shizuo's plea, Namie moves aside and gives him Izaya.  
Shizuo is happy he is able to hug Izaya. Izaya attempts and fails to remove his coat with a coat of a happy monster draped over him. Raises this matter to Shizuo. Shizuo drunkenly slurs Izaya's name until it sounds like he's saying 'Yes'. Thinks Izaya is offering his coat to him but throws it away because the flea is more fluffy.

Shizuo asks Namie for her name and thanks her. Namie agrees with Shizuo that Flea is his, to Shizuo's appreciation. Izaya protests that he is not Shizuo's.   
Namie leaves, Izaya goes to bed. Strictly rejects Shizuo who wants to sleep with him. Shizuo accepts, bids Izaya goodnight with a kiss.  
Shizuo goes to sleep on couch. Collapses on couch and closes his eyes.  
Izaya leans his head against his door, wondering what is happening to him. He goes to bed afterwards.

9.30PM

Izaya is unable to sleep. Goes to sleep on couch. Tries to get Shizuo to get off his couch.  
Shizuo tells him to shut up and pulls him onto the couch instead.  
Izaya ends up sleeping with Shizuo on couch.  
Wonders why the couch is so warm.

10PM

Michele and Luciano get off plane, arrive in Japan. Jet lag, decide to go hotel.

11.30PM

Shizuo wakes up, finds Izaya in his arms. Is caught between dilemma to be pissed off or not.  
Goes outside, down the stairs and out of the apartment complex to clear his dilemma.

12PM

Izaya wakes up in darkness, finds Shizuo is gone. Thinks Shizuo has left, goes to bedroom to sleep.  
Thinks bed is especially cold that night.

Michele and Luciano make their way to Izaya's apartment in Shinjuku.

1AM

Shizuo ends up going back to Izaya's apartment, sees Michele and Luciano. Will not let assassins kill the flea he's supposed to kill.  
Misunderstandings occur, ends up breaking Izaya's door. Advances towards them with door above his head but eventually calms down.  
Proposes to take the fight outside, doesn't want to end up destroying Izaya's apartment and having to pay for the damage.

Tsukumoya reflects on the situation and its ironic poetic justice in comparison to the Nakura case. Mentions that Izaya killed three birds with one stone but accidentally injured a snake in the process, who wants revenge.  
He reveals that the Awakusu-kai found out about Izaya's manipulation and kidnapping of Awakusu Akane as Izaya who cheated death, sleeps, unaware that he has gotten Shizuo involved in one of his schemes again.

1.15AM - 1.45AM

Shizuo fights Luciano and Michele. Gets stabbed and shot.  
Snaps when Luciano uses ballistic knife which reminds him of Izaya's flying knives. Throws public property. Throws tree. Uses lamppost to bat Italy assassins away.  
Shizuo comes back to his senses, wants to kill flea who made him use violence he hates. But can't do it because Izaya is asleep, and Izaya took care of him when he was drunk. Gets into another dilemma.  
Is even more pissed off.

Michele and Luciano fly away, found by Celty in Ikebukuro. Celty takes them to Shinra to get treatment.  
Celty tells Shinra they were foreigners attacked by Shizuo.  
Shinra puts two and two together, figures out that they're assassins after Izaya and deduces Shizuo just happened to be there to save Izaya. Is very amused with circumstances and wonders if he will receive a surprising visit the next day.

2AM

Shizuo enters Izaya's bedroom, Izaya wakes up and confesses loneliness.  
Shizuo decides to stay with Izaya, believing this is that 1% of trustworthiness he had the generosity to give the flea.  
Because the lonely flea only has him and technically, not even him.

 

**_Day 5_ **

8AM-8.15AM

Shizuo wakes up in Izaya's bed, decides to take a bath, but doorbell rings. Goes to get the door.  
Talks with Namie, rejects poison. Namie tells him Izaya's appointment is at 9.45AM. Namie leaves.  
Shizuo goes to take his bath to get rid of flea germs.

8.30AM

Izaya wakes up alone. Thinks yesterday night was a dream. Happily goes to take bath. Encounters naked Shizuo out of bath.  
Freaks out.  
Storms out in embarrassment and anger. Sees broken door near desk area downstairs. Is pissed off. Shizuo is pissed off. Yells to Izaya that he will explain later. Izaya tries to convince himself he did not mean the things he said to Shizuo yesterday night.  
Shizuo is amused. Izaya is not.

8.40AM  
  
Shizuo catches Izaya off guard. Captures the flea. Thinks Izaya's neck is food. Izaya disagrees vehemently. Shizuo ignores him until Izaya slams his foot down onto Shizuo's foot, pissing Shizuo off.  
Izaya accuses Shizuo of being ungrateful. Feeling guilty, Shizuo decides not to eat Izaya's neck but repay his debt.  
Izaya is very annoyed at Shizuo's decision and thus subsequent monstrous presence. Retreats into his bedroom and bathroom to put back the pieces of his pride. Spends half an hour washing his neck with his strongest soap.

Shizuo takes in what a real information broker's office looks like then goes to the fridge for ingredients for Izaya's breakfast. Is grinning and happy to be able to piss Izaya off. Plans his revenge.

9.45AM

Izaya's appointment with client. Izaya exits bathroom to see client.  
Shizuo is not happy. Client is scared.  
Izaya gets Shizuo to go into the kitchen and prepare the breakfast he's supposed to prepare. Apprehensive of Izaya's sudden relentless insistence, Shizuo does so.  
Client is sacred, at mention of breakfast, thinks Izaya and Shizuo are a couple.  
Izaya cajoles client. Izaya mentions client's employee embezzling his company's funds is Yakuza.  
Shizuo gets pissed off. Izaya is also pissed off.  
Shouting match ensues. Shizuo, not wanting to punch Izaya and be accused of being ungrateful, decides to focus on preparing breakfast.  
Izaya is exasperated. And annoyed.  
Client is still very wary and scared. And feels as if he should come back another time. But is too scared to leave at Izaya's chilling smile.

10AM

Luciano and Michele wake up in hotel, contact Severino about failure.  
Severino replies they are leaving Japan on 5.30PM flight.

10.15AM – 10.45AM

Izaya and Shizuo have breakfast.  
Izaya asks Shizuo about broken door.  
Shizuo tells him about assassins who were out to kill Izaya.  
Izaya is shocked. Reflects on his mistake.  
Realizes Shizuo saved his life. Thanks Shizuo. Shizuo brushes it off as not being a problem.  
Izaya is embarrassed by Shizuo calling him by his name. Shizuo notices, comes to conclusion that repaying his debt will piss Izaya off.  
Shizuo is happy. Izaya is annoyed.

10.47AM - 11.20AM

As Shizuo washes the dishes, Izaya checks the fridge and proceeds to draw up a grocery list that will keep Shizuo out of his apartment for at least an hour. He writes vertically, with big spaces in between in order to make it as long as possible. He includes the names of the department stores in the list next to the groceries.  
The list is so long Izaya is still writing once Shizuo is done washing the dishes, so Shizuo entertains himself with looking around Izaya's apartment. Izaya looks to make sure Shizuo doesn't go to the bookshelves where Celty's Head is.  
Shizuo finds a colourful cube laying around. He picks it up and examines it. Is annoyed at the colours not being together. Izaya calls him and he pockets it without thinking and goes to the flea.  
Izaya presents the list to Shizuo with a flourish and smile - and promptly jumps out of the swing of Shizuo's punch.  
At the mockery in Izaya's eyes, Shizuo restrains himself from tearing the list, that almost reaches the floor, to shreds and stomps out of the apartment without slamming the door - because there is no door to slam as it's on the floor.

Izaya is delighted he has a monster-free hour of peace. Is in a much better mood as he skips to his chair and sits down, switching both of his computers on. He then proceeds to do his own work.  
Until he can hear the roar of a monster. Izaya thinks it's his imagination, but then it gets louder, so he goes over to the balcony and sees Shizuo on the ground floor shouting something about money.  
The way Shizuo is shouting sounds as if he's a robber demanding money.

Izaya is disappointed Shizuo realized so early he hadn't given him any money. He had wished to cause Shizuo embarrassment and anger when he realizes at the cashier that he didn't have any money and would have to use his own. Even better if Shizuo doesn't have enough money to pay and he's arrested for not paying for the goods he bought.

The noise pollution by the monster is still going on, drawing attention to them. Izaya's name along with vulgar expletives is being broadcasted to the whole neighbourhood.  
Izaya reluctantly goes to get his credit card, then goes back to the balcony and drops it down to Shizuo like dropping food down to a dog.

Shizuo catches it, almost crushes it in his hand, gives Izaya the finger and stomps away, creating cracks in the ground.

Izaya shakes his head at his plan having been foiled and goes back to his chair at his desk.

12.07PM

Shizuo is at the second department store indicated in the list. The queue is especially long.  
Is pissed off. Swears he will kill Izaya when he gets home. But then remembers he can't kill the flea today.  
Is even more pissed off. Exudes angry, dangerous aura and mutterings of "Kill...kill...KILL..."  
Looks up and realizes there is suddenly space in front of him. Moves forward and finds himself at the front of the queue.  
Is surprised and mystified, but shrugs as he puts his purchases on the counter.  
Is oblivious to the people cowering away from him, and the nervous look on the cashier's face.

Shizuo exits the department store, and looks at the list for the location of the next one.

12.16PM

Shizuo is done with grocery shopping. Wonders why he had to travel to so many different department stores when there is a supermarket near Shinjuku station -

Which makes him abruptly realize that he didn't have to, and the flea tricked him and made him waste his time by going to so many places to get the different items.

Is pissed off again. Residents of Shinjuku are scared at the Monster of Ikebukuro's roar of "IZA-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" in Shinjuku.

Izaya sneezes. He wonders if someone is talking about him. He looks at the time on his computer and smiles, wondering if Shizuo realized he had been tricked.

12.18PM

Shizuo is still pissed off, shoves his hand into his pocket and clenches it. Or tries to, but there's something inside.  
He takes it out, looks at it, decides he can't stand the annoying mess, and proceeds on turning it to put the colours back together.  
When he's done, he feels much more relaxed and less angry. Each face of the cube is now organized with a different colour and it's a pleasant sight to his eyes.  
Shizuo smiles, wonders if he should get one for himself, pockets the cube and heads home.  
While still planning to get his revenge on the flea of course.

12.30PM

Izaya is chatting in the Dollars chatroom when he hears Shizuo say "I'm back." He automatically replies, "Welcome home."  
Does a keysmash at his own internal shock.

Shizuo is amused at the embarrassment on Izaya's face. He walks over to Izaya's desk, places the many bags on the floor, shoves Izaya away and types that he's a liar.

Izaya wrestles him for the keyboard, barely managing to reassure his chatmates before Shizuo shoves him away again onto the floor and keeps him there with his foot on his chest.

Now Izaya is the one pissed off as Shizuo types things that will ruin his reputation in the chatroom and he can't do anything about it.

Shizuo thinks revenge is sweet. And he likes sweet things.

Decides he likes revenge on the flea.

12.33PM - 12.43PM

Shizuo finds out Tanaka Taro is Ryuugamine so he did tell the Dollars' leader he was quitting after all. And that Izaya is in the Dollars which means he was in the same group as Izaya.

Is pissed off enough to attempt to strangle Izaya but decides eventually that it's Simon's fault for he was the one who invited him into the Dollars while knowing Izaya was in the Dollars too.

Izaya is pleased at this - for he too is annoyed at Simon for getting Shizuo drunk and causing him embarrassment the previous day -

Except that he also saved his life.

Shizuo mentions that there is an annoying flea in his home which will not die.

Celty in Ikebukuro jolts in shock. Contacts 'Kanra' through a private message.

With Izaya's help, Shizuo replies angrily to 'Setton' who knows who he is.

Is stupefied when Setton says he's Celty, while Izaya taunts him. Blames Izaya because everything is Izaya's fault, upon which Izaya reminds him that he was the one who wanted to talk to Setton when he could have just asked the information broker sitting on his desk.

Shizuo has nothing to say at this.

Saika and Tanaka Taro excuse themselves, Shizuo notices Tanaka Taro knows who he is, Tanaka Taro reassures that he won't tell anyone. Izaya tells him Saika is Sonohara Anri. Shizuo feels the name sounds familiar but he can't remember who.

Shizuo eventually tells Celty he will talk to her another time because he and the flea are hungry. They continue chatting for a while until Izaya interferes and leaves Celty with words about Shizuo that cause her worry in Ikebukuro.

Because Shizuo left so abruptly, Celty panics and wonders if Shizuo is alright. Her imagination eventually leads her to worry that the Shizuo she talked to may be an alien impersonating her friend. Or that Izaya is an alien who hypnotized Shizuo.

Heads home back to Shinra to make sure he hadn't been replaced by an alien too, much to Shinra's delight.

12.50PM

Izaya is happy as he watches Shizuo working for him like a housewife or maid.

That is until his lip is bruised by something flying which turns out to be the Rubik's Cube that Shizuo solved because he wanted to put the colours back together.

Because Shizuo ruined his latest entertainment puzzle and solved it before him, Izaya is resentful and plans a mess because that is what he's good at.

Only this time Shizuo won't be clearing it up as the Monster of Ikebukuro but as the Secretary of the Information Broker of Shinjuku.

1.30PM

Shizuo and Izaya have lunch which Shizuo cooked together. Without much fighting.

After which Izaya presents to Shizuo his new task and the peace is ruined.

2PM

Izaya's client Kimura comes in as Shizuo and Izaya are fighting over Shizuo's personal information.

As Kimura talks about the beautiful Namie, Shizuo mentions he respects her. The other man wonders if Shizuo is interested in her. Izaya replies that Shizuo was only just aware of Namie's existence, though as an older woman, she's just his type. Implies if so, he couldn't be interested in Vorona or Akane.

Shizuo snaps and threatens to kill Izaya if he does anything to Vorona. Izaya mentions Vorona might be an assassin but Shizuo is undeterred, claiming Vorona is a good person and if she is an assassin, she has good reasons, unlike Izaya.

Izaya doesn't like being falsely accused and is irritated at Shizuo's trust in Vorona despite implicating information which is indeed true. Starts the meeting with Kimura, who is freaked out at how Shizuo is glaring at him like he wants to kill him.

2.40PM

Shizuo apologizes to Izaya for falsely accusing him.

Izaya claims his preference for their cold war, but accepts Shizuo's apology with a smile and word of gratitude, extending his forgiveness.

Shizuo mentions if Izaya were more sincere and honest more often, they might even be able to get along. But shows fondness that 'fleas wouldn't be fleas if they weren't fleas'.

The peaceful atmosphere is ruined when client comes in and is scared at the sight of Shizuo, to which Izaya responds there is nothing to fear as he is just for show, pissing Shizuo off.

3.20PM - 3.30PM

In the midst of taunting between Informant Izaya and Secretary Shizuo towards each other, Izaya finds out Shizuo was shot while he was protecting him yesterday.

Gets Shizuo to show him bullet wound.  
Fears confirmed, insists on taking Shizuo to Shinra.

Izaya and Shizuo leave Izaya's apartment.  
Izaya is worried and annoyed at his worry.  
Shizuo is happy Izaya is annoyed.

4PM

Severino finds Izaya is not in his apartment. Is contacted by Luciano and Michele who are on their way to Narita Airport.  
Has no choice but to leave without getting his revenge.

5.30PM

Severino, Luciano and Michele leave on the flight back to Italy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Trivia_

Yamaguchi-gumi, Sumiyoshi-kai, Kokusui-kai, Dojin-kai, Kudo-kai are all real Yakuza organizations in Japan.

Yamaguchi-gumi is the most famous and is known outside of Japan, Sumiyoshi-kai is the second most famous. Yamaguchi-gumi and Sumiyoshi-kai are arch rivals, the rivalry has settled down but tensions are still very high. 2007, Suguira, senior member of Sumiyoshi affiliate was shot by apparently Yamaguchi-gumi and Sumiyoshi-kai shot at groups linked to Yamaguchi-gumi, firing into Yamaguchi-gumi offices. 2012, Yoshiaki Furukawa, former senior member of Sumiyoshi-kai was shot by gunman who police said is likely member of Yamaguchi-gumi. Shooting occurred in public, in Denny's in Togane City in Chiba Prefecture.

Kokusui-kai, smaller Tokyo-based Yakuza, allied with Yamaguchi-gumi on September 2005 (coincidentally same year as Durarara, Mikado's school year started in 2004, Celty finds out Shinra is hiding her head. Saika attacks, Dollars-Yellow Scarves gang war and events of the novel such as Hollywood and kidnapping of Awakusu Akane by Vorona and Slon are in the next year, 2005).

Whether this is the meeting of alliance which failed because of Izaya's manipulation or this is a meeting after the alliance, is up to the reader's imagination.

Dojin-kai and Kudo-kai are both part of Yonsha-kai, an anti-Yamaguchi-gumi organization. Dojin-kai is one of the more violent Yakuza syndicates.

Kudo-kai is allies with Sumiyoshi-kai.

 

 

Further Trivia

\- Izaya's apartment door is a double door, Shizuo ripped one of them off in his anger. When Namie rang the doorbell, Shizuo went to open the other door for Namie (even though she could have just come in due to lack of one door, because he's considerate like that).

\- Izaya's bathroom is not in his bedroom like normal people. His bathroom is next to his bedroom. They are separate.

\- Izaya's bedroom is on the second floor, there are steps to the landing of his bathroom and bedroom (which are opposite each other)

\- Izaya's bathroom has two parts, the sink area/toilet area and the shower area. There's a door to the bathroom, then a door to the shower. Shizuo left both the bedroom door and bathroom door open when he went to take a shower, but closed the shower door. The bathtub is in the shower area (how relieving he does actually have a bathtub). There's a rack opposite, the kind to hang towels and clothes.

\- Izaya does not have a glass door, but outside his apartment there is a balcony (since it's an apartment complex and in the novel there was a picture of Namie looking down from the balcony at Shizuo who was tricked by Izaya and pissed off). Shizuo, Luciano and Michele jumped off from there.

\- Luciano and Michele did not know the code, so they hacked into Izaya's apartment, since they are experienced in invading homes as professional assassins. They are both hackers. But Luciano is a much better hacker than Michele, so he did the job, knowing the apartment complex of Shinjuku's information broker will be a challenge to tackle. Michele's other specialty is inventing weapons.

\- Shizuo was pissed and didn't bother to close the apartment door/doors when he left to clear his head, making Luciano and Michele think Izaya was careless.

\- Shizuo doesn't know the code to Izaya's apartment complex (remember him punching in random numbers in the manga/novel?) so he jumped off with his superhuman strength from the ground to the balcony to get back to Izaya's apartment on the 2nd floor after clearing his head. Both times. Before he fought Luciano and Michele, and after.

\- Izaya has two swivel chairs at his desk area, one for him of course but the other presumably for his client

\- The fridge can be seen from Izaya's desk area (where he usually works)

\- Izaya got Shizuo to move his dismantled door away from near his desk area to near the doorway.

Yes not only is Izaya troublesome, his apartment is troublesome too. The pictures can explain way better than I can, so -

http://chombox.sdbx.jp/orihara_house/26.jpg#mode=slideshow&zoom=1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Summary**

Dojin-kai is actually not originally involved in Izaya's plan. Izaya was tricked by Severino who claimed to be from Dojin-kai, part of Yonsha-kai (same anti-Yamaguchi-gumi organization as Kudo-kai), so he decides to involve Dojin-kai in his plan. Originally, he had only planned for Sumiyoshi-kai and Kudo-kai to be involved.

Izaya thinks the Yakuza war is between 4 Yakuza. In reality, the Yakuza war is between 3 Yakuza - Yamaguchi-gumi, Sumiyoshi-kai and Kudo-kai. Dojin-kai is not involved and is actually Severino Bassini. Kokusui-kai, Yamaguchi-gumi's ally was delayed by Izaya's manipulation and arrived at the meeting turned war at a later time.

 

 

 

 

**To Summarize the Yakuza groups and their Roles**

(In Order of Izaya's manipulation, refer to Chapter V)

 

**(Bolded parts indicate Izaya's main manipulation and intentions, and consequences for each yakuza group which culminates in the Yakuza War)**

_**(Bolded and italic indicates Izaya's side manipulations, intentions and consequences, or 'coincidences' in certain cases)** _

_(Italics indicate Izaya's mistakes)_

 

Dojin-kai

\- Also part of Yonsha-kai, this is the Yakuza group which Severino Bassini pretended to be a member of to gain information on Yamaguchi-gumi, his potential ally.

One of the more violent Yakuza syndicates - Izaya was lacking this information and was thus tricked, as he did not intend to involve Dojin-kai in the first place and thus did not do his research, but did so because it was part of Yonsha-kai, anti-Yamaguchi-gumi organization.

Severino pretends to be enemy of Yamaguchi-gumi as he knows Izaya's reputation for causing chaos and would give more accurate information for such a cause. In Izaya's POV, the more enemies the more chaos, the better for Izaya.

**Izaya provides 'Dojin-kai' information of Yamaguchi-gumi's alliance meeting.**

_(Severino was lacking information that Izaya had planned to involve Dojin-kai in a Yakuza war and was caught unaware in the crossfire, and Izaya was lacking information that member of Dojin-kai was actually Mafia Boss who would seek revenge for tricking him later)_

Sumiyoshi-kai

\- Second most famous Yakuza in Japan, arch rivals with Yamaguchi-gumi. Has a spy in Yamaguchi-gumi, which Izaya used to manipulate.

When Sumiyoshi-kai spy seeks information of Kokusui-kai from Chrome because of alliance meeting between Yamaguchi-gumi and Kokusui-kai the next day, Chrome tells him Kokusui-kai intends to team up with Dojin-kai to attack Yamaguchi-gumi.

(Except for the teaming up part, this information is actually true, for Dojin-kai (Severino) had asked for information, and Izaya had told him about the alliance meeting with Kokusui-kai, which he believed Dojin-kai would interrupt. **  
**_Or it would have been true had it really been Dojin-kai and not Severino – which Izaya doesn't know)_

**Sumiyoshi-kai believes Dojin-kai (part of Yonsha-kai, anti-Yamaguchi-gumi organization) is intruding upon their territory, killing their arch rival before they did.**

**This is why they interrupt the alliance meeting with the intention of taking down Yamaguchi-gumi and Dojin-kai.**

**(Sumiyoshi-kai spy is shot and killed before the battle, unable to warn them with new information)**

**_(After which the next day_ ** **_Izaya insists to Shizuo he is not responsible for any coincidences that might happen, that Matsumoto Hiroto is found dead by fire after he provides the information to client. Assumes Matusmoto Hiroto aka Sumiyoshi-kai spy is dead because Yakuza War happened - meaning Matsumoto didn't get the chance to warn Sumiyoshi-kai of new information that Yamaguchi-gumi knows (which Izaya as Chrome provided them). Izaya is 99% sure because he knows Matsumoto is a timid, gullible man, having manipulated him in the past. Nevertheless, has no confirmation, so asks secretary Shizuo to alter the status of dead or alive to 'unconfirmed')_ **

 

Kudo-kai

\- Allies with Sumiyoshi-kai, against Yamaguchi-gumi. Part of Yonsha-kai (anti-Yamaguchi-gumi organization)

Izaya tells them as information broker Chrome that Sumiyoshi-kai their ally will be attacking mutual enemy Yamaguchi-gumi at alliance meeting  **(because of information Chrome gave Sumiyoshi-kai that Dojin-kai will attack Yamaguchi-gumi before them, because Izaya had told 'Dojin-kai' about the alliance meeting), resulting in Sumiyoshi-kai breaking their agreement with Kudo-kai to not make any move on their mutual enemy yet.**

**This angers the violent Kudo-kai, causing them to interrupt the alliance meeting with the intention of confronting both Sumiyoshi-kai and Yamaguchi-gumi.**

 

Kokusui-kai

\- Yakuza which Yamaguchi-gumi is meeting for alliance meeting (2005),  **delayed because Izaya tricked another Yakuza to fight them.**   _ **Got caught up in the war later on, arriving late.**_

**Contacts Yamaguchi-gumi for request of change of time.**

 

Yamaguchi-gumi

\- Most famous Yakuza in Japan, known outside of Japan, Yakuza which Severino Bassini wants to form alliance with. Yakuza which Awakusu-kai wants Izaya to get illegal weapons from, thus leading Izaya to plan Yakuza War and  _ **subsequently send Nakura to get those weapons in the distraction.**_

 **Because ally Kokusui-kai requested change of time, Yamaguchi-gumi is suspicious.** **Higher ups contact information broker Chrome, who relays to them information that Kokusui-kai was planning a betrayal tactic with arch rival Sumiyoshi-kai and the meeting was an ambush with other Yakuza (this fits Yamaguchi-gumi's suspicion of coincidental sudden Yakuza conflict being fake, even though it is real, though only because of Izaya's manipulation and trickery).**

**Yamaguchi-gumi thinks ally has betrayed them and they are meeting Yakuza who would kill them. Tells men to prepare to kill Sumiyoshi-kai.**

**Makes preparations for battle, no longer going for alliance meeting but Yakuza fight.**

**Sumiyoshi-kai spy is alarmed, unaware of how Yamaguchi-gumi knows about Sumiyoshi-kai's plan to attack. Sneaks away to contact Sumiyoshi-kai to warn them. Is killed in the process by Yamaguchi-gumi men who think he's a coward and the one who contacted Sumiyoshi-kai to team up with Kokusui-kai.**

(Ironically, the spy thought it was Dojin-kai who was teaming up with Kokusui-kai)

 

Yakuza's Views of Enemies

Sumiyoshi-kai – Dojin-kai teaming up with Kokusui-kai (against Yamaguchi-gumi)

Kudo-kai – Yamaguchi-gumi naturally, but mainly Sumiyoshi-kai which betrayed their agreement, 'excuse' to attack, Kudo-kai is violent Yakuza

Yamaguchi-gumi – Kokusui-kai teaming up with Sumiyoshi-kai (and perhaps other Yakuza as Chrome suggested,  **Kudo-kai's presence confirms this** )  
And Severino as he appeared with Sumiyoshi-kai, making them think he is their enemy.

 _('Dojin-kai' or Severino_  and Yamaguchi-gumi ally  _ **Kokusui-kai**_   **know nothing and get caught in the chaos from the various views of the different sides which Izaya manipulated** )

 

 

 

 

 

Izaya's identity is as of yet unrevealed as he provided information to all three Yakuza as Chrome.  _He only provided information as Orihara Izaya to Severino who he thought was of Dojin-kai._

With this incident that gives the possibility of the Yamaguchi-gumi not trusting information broker Chrome,  _ **Izaya gives them the possibility of them turning to Orihara Izaya for information, gaining him a valuable client.**_

If that is the case, Izaya killed four birds with one stone, and not three.

1\. He fulfilled his plan to start a Yakuza War.

2\. He got the illegal weapons from the Yamaguchi-gumi the Awakusu-kai wanted.

3\. He scarred Nakura by sending him to get those weapons from the Yamaguchi-gumi hideout.

4\. Since Chrome has proved untrustworthy, the Yamaguchi-gumi may turn to Orihara Izaya for information instead.

Though it only matters because Shizuo saved his life from the  _hidden 'snake' seeking revenge_  with his 'two fangs'.


End file.
